WHAT REALLY MATTERS?

Teaching Kids to Weigh Their Choices

By Laura Wise

Everyone makes hundreds, sometimes
thousands, of choices each day. That
sounds ridiculous, but it is true. And we
all know we should teach our kids to
make wise decisions, so when we
teach them to stop and think about
opportunity cost, they begin to
understand that it is ok to choose. More
importantly, they begin to see choices
as opportunities instead of missing out
or failures.

By teaching them to look at
opportunity cost in a more positive light
we give them permission to do what is
best for them as Christians using the
Bible, through prayer, and taking time to
ask other Christians to help guide them. Learning about opportunity cost also helps alleviate
pressures from peers, media, and other outside sources.

The great thing is you can start right now!  What better time of the year to reflect on what really matters than the Christmas Season as we reflect on all that Jesus did for us and begin to evaluate what we can do in the new year.

One might think that kids could easily understand that every choice we make is important.
Especially when people tweet, message, text, or share EVERYTHING these days. Well, parenting is
never that easy, they still need you to guide them. They still need you to talk them through the
importance of weighing the pros and cons of each decision.

One simple way to start is to remind them that we are living in a time when one mistake can drastically change any plans or dreams we have.  Don’t share this to scare them but share this as a guide or filter for them to use when making decisions and weighing their options then follow up with a reminder that we will all fail and that we shouldn’t be afraid to fail, but we will have to accept any consequences (good and bad). This is also a great time to talk about God’s love and forgiveness.

Where Do We Begin

By Devin Dummel

Back in the day, I thought I was pretty slick.  I think most Jr. High School kids feel that way.    I felt the feeling the strongest as I peered through the blinds watching my parents leave for church.  This wasn’t a one-time thing.  I did it often.  A fake cough here; a “Mom I don’t feel so good” there.  The real secret was heating up a washcloth and putting it on my forehead for a few minutes and sure enough, as fast as my mother’s hand left my head, they bought it.  As I would watch my parents pull out of our driveway in my father’s old Crown Victoria, a sense of jubilation would wash over me.

I would fire up the Sega Genesis and play video games for a couple hours until they got home.  When I heard the garage door I tossed the controller, hopped quickly in bed, pulled the covers up and pretended to be asleep.  At that age I was sure they fell for it every time, now I’m not so sure.

When I was that age I would do anything I could to get out of going to church.  Most kids go through a phase like that.  And as parents, we often feel pretty ill-equipped to help our children grow in their faith.  It might be because no one ever helped us at that age, or it could be because we struggle to lead ourselves at times.  Whatever the reason, most if not all parents feel this way at one time or another.  Perhaps the most difficult part of trying to raise our children to grow in their faith, is trying to figure out where to start?

Proverbs 22:6 says,   “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

God seems to indicate that there is a direct connection between how we teach our children during these first phases of their lives and the ultimate trajectory of their lives.  That’s huge when you think about it.  Not to put more pressure on you, but what you do now matters.  How you lead and teach your children about God now has the ability to impact them for a lifetime.

While that may seem overwhelming and intimidating it doesn’t have to be, because there is some great news:  You are not alone.

You may be responsible for your child, but you don’t have to do it all by yourself.  There is no question that you are the greatest influence in your child’s life.  But you aren’t the only influence.  God has designed the church to be a support for you and a partner in helping your family grow more and more in their faith.

So, if we want to make sure our children grow in their faith and start down a path toward God that they will never depart from, where does it start?  It starts with the church.  It starts with going to church.  It starts with making a commitment that being a part of the church matters.  It starts with making it a priority.

If we want to raise our children to find and follow Jesus then it begins with making the decision as a family that nothing else matters more.  Sleeping in isn’t more important.  Sports aren’t more important.  Regular weekend trips to the lake all summer are not more important.  What matters most is consistently showing up and showing our kids what it looks to make God our number one priority.

Get Ready

by Devin Dummel

After the reality had set in that my wife and I were going to become parents for the first time we put in some serious time trying to get ready.  We read books.  We asked questions.  We took notes and prepared everything so that we would be ready.  But the more people I talked to the more I heard, “You’re never fully ready to be a parent”.  

It seemed odd that this phrase would keep popping up over and over again.  I was confident that we were ahead of the curve and would be fully prepared once our baby made his debut.  At the time I shrugged off the idea and believed that it didn’t apply to us, but there may not have been a more true statement shared with us about parenting.  You are never fully ready.

If your experience has been anything like mine, then you know what it’s like to experience some parenting moments where you feel like you’re flying blind.  Sure you’ve read some books and heard your friends tell some stories, but it’s different when it’s you and your kind going through a difficult situation or phase.  We often feel less than equipped to navigate the realities and practicalities of parenting.

While it may be true that you’re never fully ready, the great news is that when it comes to parenting God hasn’t left us on an island.  After reading plenty of books on the topic, I have found that more times than not I already had the best resource for being a great parent.  God’s word – the Bible – is a wealthy source of knowledge not just on parenting but on what it looks like to live your best life.

Paul writing to his friend Timothy said this, “All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

In my experience, I have found these words to be so true.  Through God’s inspired words in scripture, I have had new life breathed into me at every season of my life, and throughout every phase of parenting.   While I could google the latest statistics or strategies about how to raise my child, the best course of action, more often than not, is to turn to scripture to help it train me and my family in what it looks like to live a life that honors God.

My guess is, you probably don’t always feel ready or prepared for the situations that come your way.  But God promises that we will experience training in righteousness – that is training in “right living” and that we will be ready for the good work – the kingdom work – that God puts in front of us.  And I can think of no greater kingdom work for your life than raising your children to find and follow Jesus.

When parenting gets hard many of us will turn to any number of solutions, but the best solution is to turn our hearts and minds to God’s word found in the scriptures.  When we regularly root ourselves in scripture we receive the best kind of training for raising the next generation.  

Checking the Scoreboard

by Devin Dummel

This past weekend my son, who is six-years-old played in his second basketball game.  As you might imagine it was a mess, not only for my son but for every child on his team who has no clue what they are doing.  Being “good parents” (whatever that means) his mother and I kept giving him instructions, trying to help him throughout the game.

We were watching every movement.  “Get that rebound”, “Pass it” and “Quit messing with your socks” were phrases that we shouted over and over during the game.  Our advice seemed to be of little use to him.  As he played I kept watching him and something else began to stand out.  As the game progressed my son kept checking the scoreboard.  Over and over again he would turn around and stare at the digital scoreboard almost as if his very life depended on it.

When he realized how bad things were getting – how badly they were getting beaten; he dropped his head and started to pout.  After the game was over I asked him why he was so upset and he told me that every time he looked at the scoreboard they were losing.

As a parent, I wanted to use that moment to teach him that the scoreboard isn't the only thing that matters, but I was confronted by the reality that often I measure my value and my worth and allow my feelings to be swayed by the scoreboard of life.

My guess is that if you are at all like my wife and I you regularly question if you are doing a good job as a parent.  Maybe you've never said it out loud, but I think the fear of failing as a parent is something we all share.

We all wonder if we are doing what it takes to help them succeed.  We keep our kids involved in everything.  Trying to make sure they have every opportunity to achieve educationally, athletically and socially.  Often at the end of the day, we are tired and exhausted and left wondering if it's all worth it.  Are we really helping them and giving them the best life there is to offer? We are constantly looking at the scoreboard, trying not to be discouraged.

What if while watching the scoreboard we were missing the more important things in life?  What if while we were checking the score we missed out on the best way to parent?  Jesus said, "What good is it for someone to gain the whole world and yet lose their soul" (Matthew 16:26).   What if in trying to give our kids everything we actually lost the only thing that really matters?

There are a lot of important things in life but the most important thing is a saving relationship with Jesus.  When it’s all said and done – that’s the thing that matters the most.  You may or may not be able to afford everything you ever wanted to give your children.  But what you can do is help them discover a relationship with Jesus.

You don't have to be a perfect parent.  You don't have to always check the scoreboard.  You and I need to realize that when we demonstrate how to have a relationship with Jesus, that's the best thing, we could do as parents.  When we live out our faith – openly and honestly with our children – it will never matter what the parenting scoreboard says – we will have won because our children will have seen what it looks like to seek after God with all of our heart, soul, and strength.   There is nothing more valuable and worth your time than to model what it looks like to pursue a relationship with Christ.

Raising kids that WIN at life

by Laura Wise

We’ve all witnessed a child throwing a tantrum—screaming, crying uncontrollably, or even being violent, all because she didn’t get to do what she wanted. These situations can be extremely difficult to handle and often embarrassing for parents. But what do you do when it’s your child that is completely out of control? 

Discovering that your little angel has suddenly grown horns and is no longer as innocent as you thought can be one of the most frustrating moments in parenting, especially if you are caught off guard or when you have no idea what to do.

Most parents understand, that what you do in those difficult situations is crucial to helping your child be successful in life, but many parents do not know where to begin. In fact, most parents don’t think about the necessity of teaching their children self-control until they are face to face with their own child’s wild behavior.

Self-control isn’t just a character trait that some kids have and some kids don’t. We all learn self-control. Which is why self-control is often referred to as a discipline. We have to practice self-control in order to become more in control of ourselves. 

Dictionary.com defines self-control as the control or restraint of oneself and one’s actions/feelings. From a Christian perspective, we can define self-control as saying “no” to ungodliness or worldly passions. The Bible tells everyone to be self-controlled, and when we choose to have the Holy Spirit live within us to guide us, God helps us to maintain self-control. Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), and the fruit of the Spirit are indicators for us to see if we are living Godly lives.

I believe that when we teach our kids self-control we are setting them up to win, and giving them one of the greatest keys to becoming successful in all areas of life. Psychologists and Sociologists have directly linked children with better self-control to things like making better grades in school, thriving socially and making friends easily, managing their time well, being respectful to authority figures and peers, being hard workers, and settings goals to improve or achieve something they desire. Every parent wants their kids to succeed and live fulfilling lives, and when we teach them the Bible principles about self-control we are setting them up for HUGE wins as they mature and transition into adults.

Most parents are already teaching their children self-control because you are teaching them to take care of themselves or work toward goals— like saving money to buy something they want or studying to earn better grades, or even practicing the sport they love to improve their skills. You also teach self-control when you make them eat their vegetables before dessert. However, in order to teach your kids a more complete Biblical definition of self-control, you must first get your kids to understand their own weaknesses and temptations.

Each one of us is different. Some of us are tempted by overeating, greed, gossip, lying, stealing, while others are angered easily and lash out before thinking. Help your children understand that by being aware of what tempts us, we can take our struggles to God. One of the best ways to start is by sharing some things you struggle with. After they understand what their weaknesses and temptations are you can work together to come up with an action plan to handle the temptations and weaknesses when your child is faced with those things because our desires tempt us every day. And know that they trust you because you are their parents, and what you teach them matters. Even if you don’t see immediate results, we are charged to raise them to understand what is right trusting that God will work everything out for His glory.

Parenting is Messy

by Devin Dummel

In my opinion, it's an understatement to say that parenting is messy business.  From the moment you become a mother or father, it seems life in one way or another is about cleaning up after the bundle of joy you've brought into the world.

During the early phase, it's lots of changing diapers, washing hands, and never-ending laundry.  But just because they get older and more self-reliant doesn't mean the mess goes away; it just changes.  In the elementary years, you discover the messes are less physical and more emotional.  You begin to clean up after hurt feelings and heartache.  You wipe away tears desperately wanting to fix it all.  

As they move into adolescence and the hormone levels are off the charts you move to a strategy of trying to prevent the messes before the ever occur; because in this phase the messes become much harder to clean up.  You want to know who they are hanging out with, who they have a crush on, and you want to make sure they understand the consequences of what happens when you make poor decisions on a Friday night.

No matter the phase, parenting isn’t easy.  You love your child with everything you have, and one of the most tangible ways you show it is by cleaning up and trying to prevent all types of messes.  There’s nothing wrong with parenting this way, but what if there was a better way?  What if instead of always reacting the messes we were able to be proactive in / through / and after “the mess”?

When we spend our lives worried about the messes, we often forget that the goal of parenting isn’t to raise perfect kids.  The goal is to help our children become adults who will discover and live the best life that God has from them. 

It’s a mistake to create a culture in our homes communicating that life is about being perfect or about not making mistakes.  When we focus on the mess we often create an environment that preaches perfection instead of one that teaches our children how to live faithfully in and through the difficult times in life.

The Apostle Paul reminds us of the larger goal at hand in parenting:  “Parents, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4)

The reality is no one can be perfect.  Your kids can't be perfect.  "Kids make a lot of mistakes that they aren't capable of cleaning up.  So when they do we should avoid negative responses and reaction of anger.  Instead, we need to create an environment where mistakes are okay."

When we begin with the end in mind, knowing that parenting isn’t about creating perfect kids, but instead find ways to teach and instruct them to follow God through the messiness of life, that’s how we know it’s all be worth it.

When we love our children well we don’t just clean up all the messes, we help them learn to navigate the messiness of life and follow God through it all.

Rules or Relationship

by Devin Dummel

In my fifteen years of working with students and their families, I can't tell you how many times I've seen it.  The conversation is always familiar as I have the parents of a teenage student sitting across from me.  The catalyst for the conversation is usually some newly discovered information.  Their child who is a "good kid" has been deceiving them, and they have learned about some unwanted to choices or behaviors that have gone well beyond the rules they've put in place.

It’s always a tough conversation.  But it’s a necessary one.  It’s the conversation that has the potential to be a game changer not just for the student who has been breaking all the rules but for the parents who suddenly feel vulnerable in their relationship.

Over the years, I've wondered why this happens so often.  In our parenting structures and styles, what have we missed (outside of believing our teenagers are angels) that allows us to find ourselves in these situations so often? After giving it much thought, I don't know if the solution is hard to find although it may take quite a bit of energy to correct.

I have come to the conclusion that we can easily misdirect our children when we are more focused on setting up boundaries and rules than living life with them in a relationship.

At first glance, you might wonder – “What does that mean?” 

Let me unpack it for you.

In Matthew 22, we find an account of Jesus being asked a question by one of the religious leaders of His day – a Pharisee.  This was the question: “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Now before you read Jesus’ response you must understand something about the Pharisees and the way they viewed all of the laws and commandments – and there were hundreds of them.  These guys were the religious elite and everyone looked to them for their opinion on the right way to live.  What this particular group did was they elevated the value of the laws in their lives.  They made rules the most important thing as they made their decisions.

This choice led to an interesting practice that some scholars refer to as “fencing the law”.  The meaning was the Pharisees would create new rules – more conservative rules – to ensure that you never got close to breaking one of God’s laws or rules.  For example, God’s people are told not to use His name in vain; so the Pharisees promoted a belief that you could never say God’s name at all in fear that you might somehow say it in vain.  The idea would be if you never broke the boundaries of the new rules (the fence) then there was no way you could ever break the actual command of God.

This seems like a good strategic move from the outside, but think for a moment if you told your child not to do something, what’s the first thing they want to do?   That’s right as soon as the words leave your mouth that’s the only thing they want to do.

The Pharisees forgot an important component to life.  They neglected the truth that life isn’t all about the rules but most of life is actually about relationships.

The question is, where did this strategy get them?  Were they actually better people because they had more and more rules?  Later on, in this same encounter, Jesus would describe the Pharisees in very stark terms.

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites!  You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.  In the same way, on the outside, you appear to people as righteous but on the inside, you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness." (Matthew 23:27)

You see the rules only dealt with the outside of the person, but relationships are what impact the inside.  With all of their focus on the rules, the Pharisees may have looked clean on the outside to the rest of the world, but God could see what was going on underneath the surface.  He could see what was happening on the inside.

And we face this same challenge for ourselves and to help raise our children.  You and I are called to be different than the world.  While that includes obeying God and keeping His commands – if we only worry about the rules we will always miss the relationship.

That’s why when Jesus was asked, “What is the greatest commandment?”  he responded the way He did:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart with all your soul and with all your mind’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it:  ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Jesus’ point was that love is all about relationships.

There is nothing wrong with boundaries and rules.  They are very helpful in pointing us toward the best life that God has for us.  But if we really want to be the best people and the best parents then it can't just be about the rules.

We become the best parents when we guide our children through relationship and love instead of simply leveraging rules and laws.

When we live in relationships we can help our children see why playing by God’s rules always leads us towards Him and towards the best life we could possibly have.

So Much More than Just Being Sorry

By Laura Wise

Why do we apologize? What is the point? Is it to make someone feel bad about what they’ve done? Is it a power display to show which person has more authority? Is it demeaning, dishonoring, or humiliating to apologize? Is it something we say to avoid punishment? Or is it a way for us to show genuine remorse for how we affected others?

True apologies are selfless because we apologize to make others feel better, not make ourselves feel better. Apologies help us communicate that we see the impact of our actions and that we care about the other people involved. Teaching children to apologize is one of those crucial things we cannot dismiss or ignore because a genuine apology is so much more than just being sorry.

Apologies are important because they teach us accountability and clearly define right and wrong. Apologies teach us respect and empathy for others. Apologies teach humility and are reflective of our character. Apologies also give parents an opening to talk about Christian behavior and explain sinful nature as well as share the salvation story. Learning the power of apologizing is something we can share with children from an early age. We all make mistakes or do things we regret; it is just part of life, and at some point in our lives we will all hurt others, intentionally or unintentionally, so knowing how to handle those situations is essential to success.

Teaching our kids how to properly respond in all situations is part of our job as parents and Christian leaders. Like most lessons, a Godly character is best taught by example. When you lead by example you are teaching others that what you are asking them to do is very important, so important that you are also willing to work for it. One of the best ways to lead by example is to let your kids see you apologize.  Maybe you were rude to your spouse or your parents; let your children hear you apologize. Maybe you completely overreacted and yelled at your children for not cleaning up after themselves because you were hangry or you had an awful day at work; apologize to your kids for your wrong behavior. It might shock your kids, but you will be teaching them valuable lessons.

So how do we teach kids to apologize? Here are some tips to help you lead your kids.

•    Identify what is wrong. Ask the child what he/she did wrong. Explain if he/she does not know what was wrong. Then, share an age-appropriate example of something similar that you did wrong. In my experience, personal examples work best. Use the Bible to share what is right and what is wrong.

•    Put yourself in their shoes. Get the child to talk about how they would feel if they were the ones hurt by someone else. Teaching empathy is key to true remorse.

•    What Would Jesus Do (WWJD)? Ask them what God thinks about the whole situation or what God would want us to do. Make sure they understand God will forgive them and how much God loves them even when they make mistakes. This is a great time to pray and have the child talk to God or even ask for forgiveness.

•    Apologize with an Action Plan. Depending on the child’s age this will vary, Have the child apologize stating what he/she did wrong and state how he/she will take action steps not to do this in the future. I am sorry for ___________ and I will ___________ so I will not repeat my mistake in the future.

Wise Parents

by Devin Dummel

I'm confident you've heard the phrase "it takes a village".   This phrase comes from an African proverb which means that it takes an entire community of different people to raise a child and help them grow in a safe environment.  From my experience, this proverb rings true.

It has been our experience that without our village our kids might not make it out alive (possibly because their parents might lose their minds).  In our "normal" routine of life, we have babysitters, grandparents, teachers, coaches and other family and friends who love on and help take care of our kids in one way or another.  Obviously, we spend the most time with our children, and my wife and I are the primary influence in their lives; but we couldn't do it without our village.

While the village is invaluable, in our culture it seems that it’s possible to try and parent on our own instead of pressing into and relying on other people to help us parent.  Our culture is one of comparison – many times silently happening over social media.  We feel insecure as parents, feeling that we should know how to handle every situation that comes our way.  Every one of us is trying our best – but many of us do not seek any outside help or instruction on how to be the best parent we can be.  But remember it takes a village.  So we must be willing to overcome the insecurities and the comparison trap.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

This proverb reminds us that God has designed us for community.  And that on our own we will become dull and useless.  That’s what happens when tools are old and used they lose their usefulness.  But in order to get them back in working order, we have to sharpen them and make them useful again.  When you think about parenting from this perspective, other parents can be great resources to sharpen the tools in your parenting toolbox.  No parent makes every right decision but when we expand the circle and allow others to sharpen us and make us better, we don’t just become better parents we become better people.

The truth is you were designed for community and you need other people.  Can you imagine how much better and simpler life would be if we let down the walls of “perfection” and “acting like we’ve got it all together” and instead allowed the community to sharpen us into the people and parents that God wants us to be?

We can be better parents when we don’t pretend that we’ve got it all figured out.  We can be wise parents who know that it takes a village to help us lead our children on the path toward God’s best future for them.

Raising Adults

By Devin Dummel

Is it just me or does it feel like you spend a large portion of your parenting telling your children what not to do?   "Don't kick the dog."  "Quit touching your brother."  "That word is inappropriate."  "No, you can' stay out past midnight."  "Don't drive more than 5 mph above the speed limit."  "If you say that one more time you are grounded."

Sometimes it feels like you aren't really a parent at all – in actuality you are something more like the behavior police.  It's an easy trap or cycle to get caught up in.  You don't really want to get stuck looking for every behavioral red-flag but you also want to make sure your child will be able to function like a normal human being.

But when we become too focused on changing our child's behavior we can miss the more important work of helping them grow into long-term maturity.  You see the goal isn't for us to raise well-behaved children.  The goal in being a parent is to raise mature adults.  And there is a big difference between the two. 

I think the secret can be found in how we discipline.  Take a look at this ancient proverb:

“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.  Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.”  (Proverbs 3:12-14)

Notice in the proverb that discipline isn't done just for discipline's sake – no there is a connection between the discipline a father gives his child and that connection is to wisdom.

When we raise our children to become mature adults we are beginning with the end in mind.  That means that we aren’t simply the behavior police who are trying to create a perfectly behaved child, no we are parents who are trying to impart wisdom to our child as they grow toward maturity.

There are many parents who have made the mistake of parenting for the short term.  Many times their children are the one who once that have finally been given freedom go out and live reckless lives because they lack wisdom.  We can’t parent just for the short term – when what’s in the long term is at stake.

God has given us a great responsibility to parent, discipline and guide our children with long-term maturity in mind.  And that means that when we discipline and correct our children it is done from a place of love and out of a desire to inject wisdom into their lives.

So begin with the end in mind and set your child up for a lifetime of success, help them learn how to make a wise choice in every situation.

God Chose You

by  Devin Dummel

If your family is anything like ours then your summer was filled with adventure.  Without school to "get in the way" of things my boys spent their summer going non-stop.  To use the word busy, would be an understatement;  trips to the zoo, the children's museum, weekly pool parties and a few overnight stays at grandma and grandpa's consumed their free-time this summer.
That doesn't even include all the crafts, messy days, VBS and what we like to refer to as the "best four days of the year". 

It was a great summer but if I'm honest, we are exhausted.  Maybe it's our own fault for thinking of summer as a break from all the business but in an effort to make sure our kids had fun and made memories we managed to stay busier than the rest of the year.

I think this is one of the dangers that we as parents deal with in today’s context and culture: we often run the risk of becoming relationally and spiritually poor in the pursuit of becoming experientially rich.  We want to make sure our kids have all the things, get to see all the things, and get to be all the things so badly that we forget that some things are more important than others.

Sure we walk away with an awesome photo album that people might be envious of, but while we chased these experiences have we helped our kids learn how to live a better life or have we just confused them about what the better life really looks like?

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
If we take this wisdom and apply it to our lives it would suggest that right now as our children are young and are in their adolescence we have the ability to shape their future.  We can influence them and encourage them to pick a path for their lives moving forward. 

So I have to wonder if what we do now in the lives of our children matters so much, we have to ask ourselves the question, "Which path are we pointing them down?"  Are we pointing them down a path to the best life possible or are we pointing down a path that will always leave them chasing the next adventure to try and satisfy them?

The ancient scriptures are clear that parents are the greatest influence in the life of a child.  Even with all the other factors and influences, what you do as a parent matters more to the life of a child than anything else.  There are times when I know I have wished it wasn’t that way – times where I wished that someone else could pour in and shape my child’s future.  But the truth is God chose you to disciple and direct your child.  It is your greatest calling and your life’s greatest work.

As parents, if our influence is that great we must make sure that the path we are putting our children on is the path that leads to God and the path to the best life possible.  We must make sure that we are pouring into their relational and spiritual development and not just trying to be their personal vacation tour guide.  "Start a child in the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it".   You are their greatest influence - make sure you are helping them find their way so they will always know who and where they can turn. 

Freedom: In Christ

by Desi Ash

According to the Bill of Rights, we have the Freedom of Religion, Speech, Press, to Bear Arms, to Vote.  These and many other laws grant us freedoms that many people outside of America desperately long for and we take for granted.

Sometimes when I hear the word freedom, I think that I am not really free. There are chains that keep me bound; money, the past, or the expectations I have for myself.

What are you chained or bound to?

Is it your job, your doubt, your insecurity, lust, lying, your feelings of brokenness, or striving for perfection?

We all have things that we feel bound to that we need to let go of.

Jesus has done just that. When Jesus died on the cross, He set us free. He broke the chains that bind us.

That freedom allows us to go and live a life of joy, to live the life God has in store for us. Jesus calls for us to leave those chains, those burdens aside in Matthew 28 (The Message)

 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

This passage is calming and makes me think of peace and freedom. It reminds us that we don’t need to continue to live as people who are bound and chained. We can live in the freedom that Jesus gave us. To remove those chains:

·        Pray that God will loosen the grip they have on you.

·        Share this burden with a trusted friend and let him/her hold you accountable.

·        Fill in the holes with God. Spend time in the Bible, worship through music, pray prayers of adoration and confession.

·        Focus on your relationship with God

Sometimes we are bound with chains that are so tight they are cutting off the circulation. Those chains can take time to break free. Don’t give up. God has great plans for you and living in the freedom Christ gives us is worth it.

God is in the business of setting His people free. Let God work in your life. Let God set you free.

Freedom: In God We Trust

1,354, 664 and counting.

Let me state that again, one million three hundred fifty-four thousand, six hundred sixty-four and counting.  That’s how many people have died in the history of our country to ensure that you and I are able to live free.

When you think of the upcoming holiday, your thoughts shouldn’t just be about fireworks and foot-longs, it should be about the unbelievable price that has been paid so that you are able to be free.  When you think about what we are celebrating every year on July 4th – and you try to fathom that unbelievable number it’s truly humbling.

It is compelling.  It makes you realize that all too often you take your freedoms and liberties for granted.  When you think about that number it makes you want to honor the sacrifice that was made by making sure you respect and appreciate all the freedom that you are able to enjoy today.

It makes you want to live a different life.  When you think of that number – it makes you want to live like someone died for you.  Because they did.  I mean obviously, they fought for their own liberties and the freedoms of those they loved.  But they also fought to protect the same rights for you and me.

So what you have, what you enjoy in this life, really isn’t because of you.  Someone else paid the price and you get to enjoy it.  Someone else did the heavy lifting and the hard work and we get to benefit from it.  We should live a life that reflects that truth.

You may not realize this and you may not live by it – but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.  You owe so much of your life to someone else – someone who paid the ultimate price.

But it isn’t just all of the brave men and women who were charged with and chose to fight for our freedoms that you and I owe.  The question isn’t if someone died for you would you live a life worth saving.  Because the reality is – someone has died for you and paid an enormous price for you.

“He (Jesus) died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves.  Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.”  - 2 Corinthians 5:15

So while you celebrate this week,  that we live in an amazing land of opportunity and take time to appreciate the freedoms we have and remember all of those amazing men and women who so selflessly provided you and I the freedom we have – do not forget that an enormous price was paid for you.  It wasn’t just paid in defense of our freedoms but it was paid at your expense for eternity.

It’s all too easy to place our trust in so many things – our jobs, our families, our money, our success, our own ingenuity, our power or strength, and even at times our country. And while those things at times can provide us with stability we must remember what the builders and shapers of our nation recognized and declared.


It is “in God We Trust”.

When you do Wrong … Jesus Rescues

by:  Leah Dummel

Luke 23:42-43

John 16:33 Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

This month at VBS we taught our children that in all circumstances, Jesus rescues. When they worry, when they’re lonely, when they feel powerless, and when they struggle. I was able to have a lot of good conversation, especially with our oldest son, around these topics. However, the one that really got him talking and me thinking was “when you do wrong…Jesus rescues." 

Now, if you know our oldest son Declan, you know he is an all-around pretty good kid! But he was able to be very vulnerable with me and share how sometimes he struggles to not make bad behavior choices when playing with other kids and how he told a lie because he thought his parents might be upset with his choice (couldn’t get him to confess the lie, but baby steps).  He also explained that sometimes when his little brother is acting out or throwing a tantrum he feels “mean feelings” towards him. I was able to talk him through all these scenarios and help him name those mean feelings and illustrate how Jesus is there to rescue him when he does those wrong things. 

I was feeling pretty good as a mom if I am completely honest. But THEN … he asked the loaded questions. “Mommy, what are things Jesus has to rescue you from that you do wrong?” I froze. Devin and I both believe in being honest and authentic with our kids. We want, as they grow up, for them to see us and feel we are approachable, relatable and safe. And we believe that one way of creating that culture is being honest with them and not having many secrets with our own mistakes. Otherwise, we risk them putting us on a pedestal and being unable to talk and share their struggles with us. 

But when you make this choice to be so vulnerable you also have to use discretion and boundaries. For instance, it would have been wildly inappropriate for me to say, “Well, I need Jesus to rescue me when I do wrong when I am knee deep in toys, laundry, and diapers and there’s yogurt in my hair and you haven’t stopped asking me all the questions and your brother hasn’t’ spoken a non-hateful non-tantrum word and your dad is frustrated because he can’t get a word in because of all the chaos and I can’t concentrate and I’m 40lbs overweight and the dog needs to be fed and I feel like I have lost who I really am and I think to myself WHY DID WE EVER HAVE CHILDREN?!” 

I mean, am I right though? Parents raise your hand if you have ever said those words or something similar in your head during those heated and stressful moments of parenthood…you can’t see but I am raising both my hands right now. And yes, maybe when he’s 31 and in the thick of parenting himself, I will share my need for a rescuer in those moments, but sitting at the table with him here at age 6, I will not. 

But I can tell you what I did do. I very delicately told him that mommy needs Jesus to rescue her all the time. Declan is a smart kid, he’s a feeler, he’s an empath, he’s an old soul, and he just GETS it. So I shared with him in a very age-appropriate way about this new found anxiety I have developed since becoming a mother of 2. I told him every day I pray for Jesus to rescue me from it because when I let it control me, I make bad choices. I yell at my kids, I say harsh words, I withdraw from my husband, and I withhold love from my family. 

We talked about all those things, and he was brave enough to tell me that he is old enough to recognize when my anxiety takes over and those ugly things come spilling out. He even sweetly offered to warn me when he sees me getting worked up and feeling “scared” so he can help me…which is not his burden to bear but his heart is SO good. It wasn’t a long conversation and I didn’t use the exact words with him that I used in this blog. But what I did try to emphasize was that at every age and every season in life, our need for a Savior, MY need for a Savior, is so great.

It made me remember the story from Luke 23 about the criminal that hung on the cross next to Jesus, who asked Jesus to remember him when He came into His Kingdom. The criminal recognized his need for a Savior and asked to be rescued. He said a strong YES. He always does. He always will. 

As parents, one of our duties and greatest responsibilities is to model Christ’s love to our children. And guess what, we aren’t going to be perfect at it. We will fail. But I am learning that when our babies see us acknowledge our need for Jesus’s great rescue, they are WAY more open to the idea that one day they will also need to ask to be rescued. So if you struggle with anxiety like me, or are a distracted parent, or whatever you are struggling with in this parenting journey, remember what we are teaching our children…that When we Do Wrong, Jesus Rescues.

When We Struggle Jesus Rescues

by Devin Dummel

When I was younger, I moved to a new town and started a new job.  I was really excited about working in a new place and meeting new people.  But one thing I was a little nervous about was making new friends.

I was lucky because early on I met someone that I thought I would be great friends with; so I did what you do with new friends and we hung out a lot.   We did things that he liked to do, and we did things I liked to do.  I thought we were becoming great friends, but later I found out that he didn’t feel the same way.

He said some things that hurt my feelings and when I asked him about it, I will never forget what he said: “Why don’t you quit trying so hard. I already have 3 friends I don't need any more".

I can’t tell you how much that hurt me.  It was a real struggle to figure out how to act around this person after that.  It felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells, trying not to say or do the wrong thing to upset him.

Have you ever had a moment like that?  Where no matter what you did – things just seemed hard and difficult, everything was a struggle.

I think we all know what it’s like to struggle from time to time.  When we struggle it’s like we are being tied up in emotional knots.  The struggles we go through make life extra hard!

Things like balancing responsibilities, trying to pay the bills, making time for yourself and being a good parent. All of these things can be difficult and when we struggle with them or with other things we can feel like one giant knot.  Sometimes when we struggle we don’t know where to turn.

Jesus knew what it was like to struggle even though he was God's son.  Check this out.  In the Bible, we are told that Jesus struggled in every way that we do.  The only difference is that he never sinned.

So that means that Jesus felt everything we feel.  He dealt with the same pressures we deal with and He has walked in our shoes.  He knows exactly what it’s like to try to navigate the daily struggles that we have.

There was even this one time where one of Jesus' closest friends betrayed him.  Have you ever felt like a friend let you down?  Well, Jesus knows exactly what that feels like.  His friend’s name was Judas, and when Jesus needed him most, he turned his back on him and actually lied about Jesus getting him arrested in front of the rest of his friends.

One thing that I think is so interesting is what happened as Judas was betraying Jesus; the rest of his friends the disciples wanted to put up a fight.  Peter even cut another dude’s ear off.  Things got out of hand pretty fast.  But at that moment Jesus didn’t let the struggle tie him up in knots.  Instead, Jesus calmed his friends and the authorities.  He brought comfort, guidance, and peace to a very difficult situation.


There are all kinds of situations in life that can be difficult.  We all struggle in one way or another, but the amazing thing is with Jesus we don’t have to feel like we are always tied up in knots. 

You can remember that Jesus knows exactly what you're going through and He is always willing to help you find comfort, guidance, and peace.

Today, we should remember we don’t have to get caught up and tied up in the struggles we face.  Because Jesus knows exactly what we are going through and we can trust that He will always come to our rescue!

When We Worry Jesus Rescues

by Devin Dummel

I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was at the mall with my family.  My dad was at work so it was just my mom and my brothers.  We had been shopping on the second floor of sears or JC Penny.  It was time to head back to the car so my mother took my younger brother’s hand and got on the escalator and proceeded to the exit.  I was supposed to follow.

But in that moment something happened and I froze.  I had been on escalators hundreds of times.  But for whatever reason, it felt like it was the first time I would have to do it by myself.  I was afraid I was going to get sucked up and trapped in the stairs.  In my panic, I froze; and as the seconds ticked by my family got further and further away.  But I stayed planted at the top of the escalator, on solid ground, trapped in my fear, anxiety, and worry. 

Looking back on it now I realize that I had nothing to be scared of but not all fears are rooted in reality.   There are so many things that we can be afraid of.  Some fears are healthy, but some are unfounded and unhealthy.

I don’t know how you handle fear, but I typically keep it to myself and I get really anxious and worked up – and I will start to worry.

Do you know what worry is?  It’s kind of an odd feeling to explain.  Here’s the best way I can explain it:

Worry is negative thoughts or emotions that we have trouble controlling about a potential problem.

You know what’s really strange about us humans – we have phobias for everything you could ever dream of.  

•    There are phobias about spiders

•    Phobias about clowns

•    Phobias about water

•    And yes even phobias about beards …

That seems so ridiculous – I thought everyone loved beards.

The truth is we are pretty good at getting worked up and worried about a lot of things – too many things really.  And many times the things we are anxious about or worry about don’t ever happen – so really we worry over nothing.

This month we are talking about how Jesus recuses.  He rescues us from all kinds of problems and issues, but something I am so thankful for is that Jesus can rescue us from our anxiety, worry, and fear.

We see a great example of this with Jesus and his friends in Luke chapter 10. 

To give you a little background:  Jesus was going on a trip to visit his friends.  These friends of his were sisters, and their names were Mary and Martha.

Martha was one of those list type people.  You know the ones who are always working and always achieving, they are always trying to do more and more and more.  But her sister Mary was much different, she was pretty laid back.  She was more the “go with the flow” kind of person.  It’s not that she didn’t like getting things done; she was just ok to take her time getting things accomplished.

Now, the thing you need to understand was that when Jesus traveled – lots of people traveled with him – His friend the disciples – as well as other people from the surrounding area who wanted to hear him teach.  

So when he went to Mary and Martha’s house there were lots of things to do – lots of tasks and chores – things to get ready so that everyone could enjoy their time with Jesus.

After Jesus arrived he started to teach, and Mary stopped what she was doing and sat at Jesus’ feet and listened to everything he had to say.

But when her sister, Martha saw this she was frustrated because she was busy worrying about doing all the things that needed to be done to make their day a success.  She got so frustrated at one point she pulled Jesus aside and said, “Jesus, don’t you ever care that my sister lets me do all the work by myself – won’t you tell her to help me?”

Jesus heard her and then responded by saying, “Martha – I hear your frustration, but you are getting worked up way too much and worrying over nothing.  These preparations don’t matter – really the only thing that matters is being here with me – and that’s what Mary has chosen.”

Jesus wanted Martha to see that too often we get worked up and worry about things that don’t really matter. 

Jesus wanted his friends to know and you to know that you don't have to worry because He's got everything under control.  He knows it's not easy … he knows that it's a natural thing to try to worry – but even though it's natural … it's not necessary.

It’s not something you have to do.

The truth is Jesus may not take away the things that make us worry, but he promises to help us carry the load.

We should always remember that we do not have to be afraid.  We don’t have to be anxious or get worked up.  We don’t have anything to worry about – because we have an amazing God and he promises that  Jesus will always come to our rescue!

When you are Lonely…Jesus Rescues!

by Whitney Jones

We have all felt lonely at some point in our lives. We have all felt like the only person dealing with a certain trial. We have all felt like we need to be saved from a certain circumstance. And we all need Jesus each and every day to rescue us!

One area where I feel lonely in my life is parenting a teenager. I have a 14-year-old and some days, I just don’t know which direction to take. If any of you have teenagers you know how sensitive and emotional they can be. Oh, and did I mention lazy!? As a parent of a teenager, I want so badly to protect my teen from this broken world yet let her live and learn so she can function and find success in this world. It is a hard balance for me at times.  How do I meet the emotional needs of my teenager and prepare her for hard things in the future?

When I start to feel lonely, in any area of my life, but especially parenting a teenager, I turn to Jesus and God’s word rather than finding the answers from worldly things.
One story in the Bible that stands out to me when I feel lost and lonely, is the parable of the lost sheep.

“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he finds it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!” Luke 15:3-7

It may seem foolish for the shepherd to leave 99 sheep to go search for just one. But the shepherd knew that 99 would be safe, whereas the lost sheep was in danger. Because each sheep was of high value, the shepherd knew that it was worthwhile to search diligently for the lost one.

God’s love for just one individual is so great that he seeks out each one and rejoices when that one person is found. It might not be easy to understand a God who would forgive sinners who come to him for mercy. But a God who tenderly searches for sinners and joyfully forgives them must possess an extraordinary love! This is the kind of love that prompted Jesus to come to earth to search for lost people and save them. This is the kind of extraordinary love that God has for you. A love that would save you through any of life’s toughest circumstances!

Finish Strong: Finish Line

A couple of years ago a friend of mine planned on running in the annual mini-marathon in Indianapolis.  For months he trained, plotting a course through town and laid out a training schedule so that he would be ready.  He ran religiously.  I knew on certain days and certain times if I drove through town I would find him pushing himself harder to reach his goal.  He did everything that he needed to do in order to be ready, but the evening before the race my friend didn’t feel very well, and he knew that race day was going to be a long day.

He had put all the hours and miles in order to be ready, so he was determined to get on the course and run the race even though he wasn’t feeling one hundred percent.  Things started out fine, but he could tell that he was expending more energy than he should be just trying to keep up with the pace he had set for himself.  As he entered the track at the speedway he could tell things were getting worse, and before he could make it around the loop he collapsed.  He was sick and dehydrated and his body couldn’t take any more.  He found shelter and shade in a medical tent, where he was given great attention.  He was feeling so terrible that it took him a while to get the strength back up to get back on the track.  When it was all said and done, it took my friend over four hours to complete the race, more than double the time he was aiming for. 

A few days after the race, he sat in my office.  He was visually discouraged and frustrated after putting in all the hard work and not getting the result he wanted.  We talked for a bit and he told me that he was planning on doing another mini in the near future, knowing that he could do better and cross the finish line the way he wanted this time.  It wasn't long before he ran that race and finished very close to the time he was shooting for.

I know it’s not how he envisioned it, but I was really proud of my friend for finishing strong.  He accomplished what he wanted to do – he crossed that finish line proud of all that he had done.

I remember when I received word that one of the longtime members of our church passed away.  He was a great man of God who was very influential in the lives of so many people in our congregation.  He spent most of his adult life doing God’s work, sharing the Gospel with anyone who would listen or care to watch him live his life.  In his last five years he developed Alzheimer’s, and then in the fall of 2015, he was diagnosed with cancer.  It was difficult for his family to watch his decline.  But the amazing thing was watching him and his family finish strong.

When I think of this great man I am reminded of the words of the Apostle Paul nearing the end of his ministry, “For I am already being poured out … I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”  Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord … will award me on that day - and not only to me but also to all who have longing for his appearing” (2 Timothy 4:6-8).

We celebrated the life he lived.  We also celebrated how he finished the race strong.  We talked about how he fought the good fight.  We remembered how he kept the faith.  And we smiled when we realized that one day we too would have the opportunity to be awarded the crown of righteousness, not for anything we had done – but because we lived our lives longing for God.

This week, I have asked myself how do I run a race like that.  How do I live a life like he lived?  How do I keep the faith, fight the good fight and finish strong?  I think the secret is in our perspective.  It’s not about one race.  It’s about many races.  It’s not about one battle or fight; it’s about a daily skirmish.  The secret to running THE race and finishing well has to do with what we do each day.

We have to run the race each day.  We have to train to make the right decisions.  We have to practice fighting the good fight.  We have to get better at being faithful in tough times.  And all of those things happen one day at a time.  You can’t just sit down and say, today I am changing course and I am going to finish the race strong, twenty … thirty … forty … fifty years from now.  No, you have to decide today that you will run the race, and fight the good fight, and finish strong.

And when you do that – there is no doubt in my mind that some days you will not cross the finish line the way you wanted to, or the way you planned to.  But my friends, remember you still crossed the line.

And then tomorrow you will get back up and you will try again, knowing that you can do a little bit better than you did the day before.  You will also know that when you live life this way, (running the race, fighting the good fight, and longing after God) that one day you will receive an award that is far greater than just crossing the finish line.

So I encourage you, finish this day strong.  Then finish the next one and the next one and the next one.  Finish this season strong.  Finish this year strong.  Run the race.  Fight the good fight.  And anxiously await the day, when you will be embraced into His arms and you will hear your Father in Heaven say, “Well done.”