I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve had to say the
words, “Trust me; you are a good parent” to a mom or a dad who is really
doubting themselves. For one reason or
another we are sitting across from each other and there is this moment when I
can see it in their eyes. Most times
they don’t even have to say the words, their defeated expression says it all.
“I failed; I am a terrible parent”.
The truth is parenting isn’t easy for the best or most experienced
mom or dad. No matter what your starting
point as a parent is - it’s challenging because each child is so different and
because children’s needs constantly change.
And just because a child is struggling or has gotten into some trouble
doesn’t mean that parents are at fault.
When you are starting to feel like you’re failing as a parent –
see if you can check most of the following things off your list of parenting
skills. If you can – then trust me; you
are a good parent.
Key Skills of a "Good" Parent
o Consistency
If you are consistent in your reactions, your child will always
recognize the boundaries. Make sure your children know the rules and what
behavior you expect of them. Be fair and firm with discipline, but always act
out of love. They should know the consequences of their actions.
o Daily Care
Good parents provide nutritional meals for her children as well as
a safe environment. Helping your children develop and practice good hygiene and
other daily living activities is part of being a good parent. Set a regular
bedtime so your children get sufficient rest. Take them to the doctor or
dentist for preventative medical care and to help them heal when they are
injured or sick.
o Show Your Love
Don’t expect your child to just know that you love him. Show your
feelings constantly by hugging, through positive touches and telling him and
doing little things that make him happy. When he brings high grades and
creative art projects home from school, love will show in your pride as you
display them on the refrigerator or on your desk at work. Provide a positive
environment, and reinforce good behavior.
o Life Lessons
Children need to learn how to make the right choices. Stand behind
your child, and offer to help with decisions, but gradually encourage her to
make them on her own. Being a parent is a full-time job that requires
repetition and constant reminders. Protect your children from dangerous
Internet sites, and teach them the red flags to look out for. Enforce good
table manners and other lessons that will help your children function in
society.
o Accountability
A strong parent teaches his children accountability. Children
should take responsibility for their actions by letting you know where they
are, owning up to mistakes, correcting these mistakes and accepting the
consequences for their actions. House rules need to be clearly stated and
reinforced. If your children see you following rules and being accountable,
they are more likely to follow your lead.
o Reinforcing Responsibility
Teach your child responsibility by giving her some within the
family unit. She should participate in family chores. She needs to show up for
family events and meals. Stress the importance of completing schoolwork and
studying for tests. Teach your child the importance of helping others through
volunteerism.
o Reciprocal Respect
Your children should respect others at all times. They need to understand
and respect the value of authority, and they should listen to teachers and
others in charge. Everyone needs to respect other people’s opinions, rights and
property. Set a good example, and exhibit your respect for your child in the
same manner.
o Lifelong Learning
Children will place a higher value on education if their parents
do. Engage them with their school work. Read with your child, and teach
important educational lessons whenever opportunities arise; this includes
matter of physical, relational, emotional and spiritual development.
Trust Me
What’s amazing to me is that when I say those words – those simple
words. “Trust me; you are a good parent” - it’s almost as if I can see a weight lifted
off of the other person. I will often
remind them that because they wrestle with how they are doing as a parent and
because they are willing to be transparent about it – it indicates that they
are indeed a good parent.
No one is the perfect parent.
We all know this fact. But the
truth is we need to embrace the truth that even when we aren’t “perfect”
parents we are good parents. We care
deeply about our children and are willing to move heaven and earth for them.
Keep checking off the list and doing all the things that will
remind you how great of a parent you are.
And remember you are not in this alone.
You have so many people around you who love and care about you and your
family. Don’t be afraid to reach out to
someone who can look you in the eyes and say those crucial words, “Trust me;
you are a good parent.”
