Parenting is Messy

by Devin Dummel

In my opinion, it's an understatement to say that parenting is messy business.  From the moment you become a mother or father, it seems life in one way or another is about cleaning up after the bundle of joy you've brought into the world.

During the early phase, it's lots of changing diapers, washing hands, and never-ending laundry.  But just because they get older and more self-reliant doesn't mean the mess goes away; it just changes.  In the elementary years, you discover the messes are less physical and more emotional.  You begin to clean up after hurt feelings and heartache.  You wipe away tears desperately wanting to fix it all.  

As they move into adolescence and the hormone levels are off the charts you move to a strategy of trying to prevent the messes before the ever occur; because in this phase the messes become much harder to clean up.  You want to know who they are hanging out with, who they have a crush on, and you want to make sure they understand the consequences of what happens when you make poor decisions on a Friday night.

No matter the phase, parenting isn’t easy.  You love your child with everything you have, and one of the most tangible ways you show it is by cleaning up and trying to prevent all types of messes.  There’s nothing wrong with parenting this way, but what if there was a better way?  What if instead of always reacting the messes we were able to be proactive in / through / and after “the mess”?

When we spend our lives worried about the messes, we often forget that the goal of parenting isn’t to raise perfect kids.  The goal is to help our children become adults who will discover and live the best life that God has from them. 

It’s a mistake to create a culture in our homes communicating that life is about being perfect or about not making mistakes.  When we focus on the mess we often create an environment that preaches perfection instead of one that teaches our children how to live faithfully in and through the difficult times in life.

The Apostle Paul reminds us of the larger goal at hand in parenting:  “Parents, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4)

The reality is no one can be perfect.  Your kids can't be perfect.  "Kids make a lot of mistakes that they aren't capable of cleaning up.  So when they do we should avoid negative responses and reaction of anger.  Instead, we need to create an environment where mistakes are okay."

When we begin with the end in mind, knowing that parenting isn’t about creating perfect kids, but instead find ways to teach and instruct them to follow God through the messiness of life, that’s how we know it’s all be worth it.

When we love our children well we don’t just clean up all the messes, we help them learn to navigate the messiness of life and follow God through it all.