Raising Adults

By Devin Dummel

Is it just me or does it feel like you spend a large portion of your parenting telling your children what not to do?   "Don't kick the dog."  "Quit touching your brother."  "That word is inappropriate."  "No, you can' stay out past midnight."  "Don't drive more than 5 mph above the speed limit."  "If you say that one more time you are grounded."

Sometimes it feels like you aren't really a parent at all – in actuality you are something more like the behavior police.  It's an easy trap or cycle to get caught up in.  You don't really want to get stuck looking for every behavioral red-flag but you also want to make sure your child will be able to function like a normal human being.

But when we become too focused on changing our child's behavior we can miss the more important work of helping them grow into long-term maturity.  You see the goal isn't for us to raise well-behaved children.  The goal in being a parent is to raise mature adults.  And there is a big difference between the two. 

I think the secret can be found in how we discipline.  Take a look at this ancient proverb:

“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.  Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.”  (Proverbs 3:12-14)

Notice in the proverb that discipline isn't done just for discipline's sake – no there is a connection between the discipline a father gives his child and that connection is to wisdom.

When we raise our children to become mature adults we are beginning with the end in mind.  That means that we aren’t simply the behavior police who are trying to create a perfectly behaved child, no we are parents who are trying to impart wisdom to our child as they grow toward maturity.

There are many parents who have made the mistake of parenting for the short term.  Many times their children are the one who once that have finally been given freedom go out and live reckless lives because they lack wisdom.  We can’t parent just for the short term – when what’s in the long term is at stake.

God has given us a great responsibility to parent, discipline and guide our children with long-term maturity in mind.  And that means that when we discipline and correct our children it is done from a place of love and out of a desire to inject wisdom into their lives.

So begin with the end in mind and set your child up for a lifetime of success, help them learn how to make a wise choice in every situation.