Why do we apologize? What is the point? Is it to make someone feel bad about what they’ve done? Is it a power display to show which person has more authority? Is it demeaning, dishonoring, or humiliating to apologize? Is it something we say to avoid punishment? Or is it a way for us to show genuine remorse for how we affected others?
True apologies are selfless because we apologize to make others feel better, not make ourselves feel better. Apologies help us communicate that we see the impact of our actions and that we care about the other people involved. Teaching children to apologize is one of those crucial things we cannot dismiss or ignore because a genuine apology is so much more than just being sorry.
Apologies are important because they teach us accountability and clearly define right and wrong. Apologies teach us respect and empathy for others. Apologies teach humility and are reflective of our character. Apologies also give parents an opening to talk about Christian behavior and explain sinful nature as well as share the salvation story. Learning the power of apologizing is something we can share with children from an early age. We all make mistakes or do things we regret; it is just part of life, and at some point in our lives we will all hurt others, intentionally or unintentionally, so knowing how to handle those situations is essential to success.
Teaching our kids how to properly respond in all situations is part of our job as parents and Christian leaders. Like most lessons, a Godly character is best taught by example. When you lead by example you are teaching others that what you are asking them to do is very important, so important that you are also willing to work for it. One of the best ways to lead by example is to let your kids see you apologize. Maybe you were rude to your spouse or your parents; let your children hear you apologize. Maybe you completely overreacted and yelled at your children for not cleaning up after themselves because you were hangry or you had an awful day at work; apologize to your kids for your wrong behavior. It might shock your kids, but you will be teaching them valuable lessons.
So how do we teach kids to apologize? Here are some tips to help you lead your kids.
• Identify what is wrong. Ask the child what he/she did wrong. Explain if he/she does not know what was wrong. Then, share an age-appropriate example of something similar that you did wrong. In my experience, personal examples work best. Use the Bible to share what is right and what is wrong.
• Put yourself in their shoes. Get the child to talk about how they would feel if they were the ones hurt by someone else. Teaching empathy is key to true remorse.
• What Would Jesus Do (WWJD)? Ask them what God thinks about the whole situation or what God would want us to do. Make sure they understand God will forgive them and how much God loves them even when they make mistakes. This is a great time to pray and have the child talk to God or even ask for forgiveness.
• Apologize with an Action Plan. Depending on the child’s age this will vary, Have the child apologize stating what he/she did wrong and state how he/she will take action steps not to do this in the future. I am sorry for ___________ and I will ___________ so I will not repeat my mistake in the future.
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