by Devin Dummel
I have prayed one prayer every day since the birth
of my children: “Lord, please prevent me from screwing them up.”
From the moment I held those boys in my hands, two
things I became instantly aware of: their innocence and my propensity for
messing things up. Before those bundles
of joy arrived, my mistakes and shortcomings were just that – mine. Now every choice I make, every word I say and
every thought that I hold captive have the ability to shape and mold the next
generation of my family.
All this month, our blog posts we will be looking at
and discussing parenting fears. And
while at one time or another I have wrestled with all of the fears we will
discuss, there is no greater fear of mine than to be a failure as a father. I am afraid that I will let them down. I’m afraid I won’t get it right. I’m afraid that they will have baggage and
wounds that one day they will trace all the way back to me and they will hate
me for it.
Over the years as I have shared these fears with
other parents, and surprisingly I found that I wasn’t the only one who was
afraid to fail as a parent. It seems
that most of us at one time or another have been afraid of letting our kids
down in the parenting department.
The truth is we rightfully feel a responsibility –
and it’s a God-given responsibility – to as the scriptures put it, “train up a
child in the way they should go”. That
kind of responsibility brings with it stress and pressure. Especially
in our less than best moments we tend to feel grossly inadequate for taking
care of the emotional, spiritual and physical well-being of a tiny human.
All of those things are real things to feel. But that’s the thing – they are just
feelings. And as we will discuss more
this month – that’s exactly what fear is – it’s just a feeling. Fear is just a feeling, it’s not reality.
In reality the things we fear the most are some of
the least likely things to happen or to be true. The more we obsess about our fears the more
likely we are to develop unhealthy habits and patterns around those fears. The trick and challenge is for us to view our
fears appropriately as feelings but not embrace them as realities.
The best way I know how to sort our feelings from
reality is through spending time in God’s word.
When we allow the scriptures to shape us instead of our fears, that’s
when we start to see things clearly.
The ancient Israelite's used to have this saying; it’s
written many times in the scriptures, especially early on to remind God’s
people that they had nothing to fear.
Some of the greatest leaders of God’s people are quoted in reminding
those they were leading and those they cared for this crucial truth.
“Be
strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or
terrified, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor
forsake you.”
Let’s keep it real – being a parent is hard. There likely isn’t a tougher job on the planet
than being a parent. But you do not have
to be afraid of failure.
Part of our problem is that we take all of the responsibility
and pressure – but notice what the ancient people understood – that in all
their efforts God was with them. He bears the burden with us. They didn’t need
to embrace fear – even though they surely felt it – because God was always with
them.
So when you start to feel the pressure rise and you
feel like you are doing a “less than stellar” job at being mom or dad, remind
yourself that you are not alone.
Remember that the burden doesn’t sit squarely on your shoulders. Turn to God in prayer and thank Him for being
with you as you navigate the difficult world of parenting.
The truth is we have been entrusted with a great responsibility
to raise the next generation not just to being decent human beings, but to
faith in our great God. The best news is
you don’t have to worry that you will screw it up, if you keep turning to Him
and remembering that you are partners with God in taking care of and breathing
life into your children.
Do not be afraid, for the LORD your God goes with
you.
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