Bigger and Better

It has become one of the best events we do every year.  The concept is really simple. 

The outcomes are hilarious.  And our annual “Bigger and Better” event serves as a great reminder that you don’t need much to have a ton of fun.

If you’ve never participated in “Bigger and Better or had a group of teenagers show up at your doorstep unannounced while playing the beloved game, then let me explain the basics for you.  First, students show up at church.  We split them into groups and give them an adult do drive them around.  Then we give them time limit and a small object, something like a penny or paperclip.   Then we tell them the goal is to be the group who brings back the biggest and best items by trading one item for the next.  Each year we score the event and determine a winner differently, to add a twist and a chance for any group to win.

Pretty simple.  Teenagers being driven around for an hour or so, collecting as much junk as they can haul back to the church.  I’m not sure why this event has gained the admiration of our students.  But for whatever reason it has.  It’s an event that is always a success and always something we look forward to in the Next Gen Ministry Department.

During our latest event I was thinking about how the real beauty of the event is that while the groups are driven to get something “Bigger and Better” until the time runs out – they typically bring back little of value.  Most people who are willing to trade find something in their house they haven’t had the chance or the heart to haul out, so this random group of teenagers becomes the perfect team for the task.

But it’s not about the stuff that they bring back.  It’s about the experience.  It’s about the memories.  It’s about all of the random things that happen, and the hilarity that ensues.  That’s what “Bigger and Better” is all about.

I think too often we forget the truth that it’s about the journey not the destination.  In this case the destination turned out to be some dusty recliners, a vase, a myriad of old TVs, and a Teletubbie.  While the groups thought they were getting something “Bigger and Better” the real value was in the experience.  It was through connecting with others, being vulnerable and risking what they had that they truly walked away better.  Sometimes we buy into the American Dream and push and pursue what we think is “Bigger and Better”, and in the process we miss what’s truly valuable.

Raising Boys to Date Girls in an #AshleyMadison World

The following post has been republished with permission from the author Jackie Harmon.  You can find this post from her as well as others on her blog here. 

Boys.

I have two.
One in high school and one in kindergarten.

Ever since my high schooler was a kindergartner, we've had literally hundreds of conversations about girls. More specifically, girlfriends. Alex and I had our first serious talk about girlfriends when he was four years old. He has always liked girls. He never thought they had cooties and he was never embarrassed to play with them at recess.

When Alex was younger, one of my biggest pet peeves was hearing grown adults ask him, "do you have a girlfriend?" Most people think it's cute when little boys say they have a girlfriend. Or five girlfriends. But it has always irritated me.

I never let him answer that question. I always answered for him and my answer was always the same… "Alex isn't allowed to have a girlfriend. Relationships are very, very serious and his goal right now is to learn to be friends with girls and to learn to show them respect. But, one day." Even though I was saying it to the adult, I was saying it for the benefit of Alex. I wanted him to hear me say repeatedly that relationships were super important and the way we treat girls mattered.

You see, I am not at all against Alex having a girlfriend. But I am against leaving really important decisions like relationships between boys and girls for Alex to figure out by himself. I am against allowing him to ever think that having more than one girlfriend at a time is cute. I am against allowing him to feel like his identity is somehow wrapped up in if he has a girlfriend or not.

In our home, we have very open conversations. We always have. And after working with teenagers for the last 20+ years, I am shocked at how few parents talk to their kids about relationships, dating, purity, sex and marriage. Middle schoolers who still have to be reminded to use soap in the shower are often left to navigate boy/girl relationships with very little guidance from their parents. Does that seem weird to anyone but me?

I don't think there's a magic dating age.
I think it's different for every young person.

For Alex, we've told him that there are a couple of things we are watching for...

#1  We want to see him to actively pursuing a relationship with Jesus before he actively pursues the heart of a young lady. God made him for a specific purpose and if he is not careful, he will start worrying more about what his girlfriend wants/needs for him to be and forget all about who God is molding him to be.

#2  We want him to understand that for this season, his goal is to learn to be a protector of girls' hearts. He is to stand up for girls, not allow other boys to talk rude or inappropriate to them or around them, make sure he is being thoughtful of girls' emotions, and learn how to be good friends with a girl he likes.

When Alex decides he is ready to turn a friendship into a relationship, he can only do that after meeting with the young lady's Dad and/or Mom. *I realize right about now you are thanking God we are not your parents. Ha!* Our goal is not to be mean, I promise. Our goal is for Alex to use his brain and not act on his emotions. God has placed people in authority over this young girl's life and it is not a hormonal 16 year old boy. It is person, or people, who will stand before God one day and answer for they way they raised her. Alex needs to have a conversation with those people. He needs to look them in the eyes, tell them his intentions and commit to partnering with them to protect their daughter. If she is not the one he will end up marrying, she should be better off having Alex in her life for that season.

I'm not raising a 16 year old boy.
I am raising a man who will one day be the spiritual leader of his family.

A future husband.
A future daddy.
A world-changer.

My goal is not to teach Alex how to date, my goal is that Alex has a clear picture of what marriage is suppose to be. Dating is important because marriage is hard…and it's forever.

As I look back over the last 16 years, I am amazed at how God has protected Alex's heart and mind because we were willing to speak truth and bring to light all the hard topics. Satan is not going to wait until you are ready and feel comfortable talking about sex. In fact, he wants to fool you into thinking that keeping your kids in the dark will protect them. Well, he is a liar! Having many, many age-appropriate conversations that speak truth without shame protect your children on a deep, Spiritual level. It is time!

Their school is talking about it.
Their friends are talking about it.
The world is talking about it.
And the Bible has a lot to say about it.

It's time for every Jesus-loving family to understand the importance of talking to their children about sex and healthy sexuality. To talk about purity and dating.

Even if you didn't do it right.
Even if you messed up.

The truth of God's word gives life and hope. God has a way of redeeming our past and our mistakes and turning it into something beautiful. You can trust Him!  

"I am the light of the world.

Whoever follows me will never live in darkness.

They will have the light that gives life."

{John 8:12}