So Much More than Just Being Sorry

By Laura Wise

Why do we apologize? What is the point? Is it to make someone feel bad about what they’ve done? Is it a power display to show which person has more authority? Is it demeaning, dishonoring, or humiliating to apologize? Is it something we say to avoid punishment? Or is it a way for us to show genuine remorse for how we affected others?

True apologies are selfless because we apologize to make others feel better, not make ourselves feel better. Apologies help us communicate that we see the impact of our actions and that we care about the other people involved. Teaching children to apologize is one of those crucial things we cannot dismiss or ignore because a genuine apology is so much more than just being sorry.

Apologies are important because they teach us accountability and clearly define right and wrong. Apologies teach us respect and empathy for others. Apologies teach humility and are reflective of our character. Apologies also give parents an opening to talk about Christian behavior and explain sinful nature as well as share the salvation story. Learning the power of apologizing is something we can share with children from an early age. We all make mistakes or do things we regret; it is just part of life, and at some point in our lives we will all hurt others, intentionally or unintentionally, so knowing how to handle those situations is essential to success.

Teaching our kids how to properly respond in all situations is part of our job as parents and Christian leaders. Like most lessons, a Godly character is best taught by example. When you lead by example you are teaching others that what you are asking them to do is very important, so important that you are also willing to work for it. One of the best ways to lead by example is to let your kids see you apologize.  Maybe you were rude to your spouse or your parents; let your children hear you apologize. Maybe you completely overreacted and yelled at your children for not cleaning up after themselves because you were hangry or you had an awful day at work; apologize to your kids for your wrong behavior. It might shock your kids, but you will be teaching them valuable lessons.

So how do we teach kids to apologize? Here are some tips to help you lead your kids.

•    Identify what is wrong. Ask the child what he/she did wrong. Explain if he/she does not know what was wrong. Then, share an age-appropriate example of something similar that you did wrong. In my experience, personal examples work best. Use the Bible to share what is right and what is wrong.

•    Put yourself in their shoes. Get the child to talk about how they would feel if they were the ones hurt by someone else. Teaching empathy is key to true remorse.

•    What Would Jesus Do (WWJD)? Ask them what God thinks about the whole situation or what God would want us to do. Make sure they understand God will forgive them and how much God loves them even when they make mistakes. This is a great time to pray and have the child talk to God or even ask for forgiveness.

•    Apologize with an Action Plan. Depending on the child’s age this will vary, Have the child apologize stating what he/she did wrong and state how he/she will take action steps not to do this in the future. I am sorry for ___________ and I will ___________ so I will not repeat my mistake in the future.

Wise Parents

by Devin Dummel

I'm confident you've heard the phrase "it takes a village".   This phrase comes from an African proverb which means that it takes an entire community of different people to raise a child and help them grow in a safe environment.  From my experience, this proverb rings true.

It has been our experience that without our village our kids might not make it out alive (possibly because their parents might lose their minds).  In our "normal" routine of life, we have babysitters, grandparents, teachers, coaches and other family and friends who love on and help take care of our kids in one way or another.  Obviously, we spend the most time with our children, and my wife and I are the primary influence in their lives; but we couldn't do it without our village.

While the village is invaluable, in our culture it seems that it’s possible to try and parent on our own instead of pressing into and relying on other people to help us parent.  Our culture is one of comparison – many times silently happening over social media.  We feel insecure as parents, feeling that we should know how to handle every situation that comes our way.  Every one of us is trying our best – but many of us do not seek any outside help or instruction on how to be the best parent we can be.  But remember it takes a village.  So we must be willing to overcome the insecurities and the comparison trap.

Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

This proverb reminds us that God has designed us for community.  And that on our own we will become dull and useless.  That’s what happens when tools are old and used they lose their usefulness.  But in order to get them back in working order, we have to sharpen them and make them useful again.  When you think about parenting from this perspective, other parents can be great resources to sharpen the tools in your parenting toolbox.  No parent makes every right decision but when we expand the circle and allow others to sharpen us and make us better, we don’t just become better parents we become better people.

The truth is you were designed for community and you need other people.  Can you imagine how much better and simpler life would be if we let down the walls of “perfection” and “acting like we’ve got it all together” and instead allowed the community to sharpen us into the people and parents that God wants us to be?

We can be better parents when we don’t pretend that we’ve got it all figured out.  We can be wise parents who know that it takes a village to help us lead our children on the path toward God’s best future for them.

Raising Adults

By Devin Dummel

Is it just me or does it feel like you spend a large portion of your parenting telling your children what not to do?   "Don't kick the dog."  "Quit touching your brother."  "That word is inappropriate."  "No, you can' stay out past midnight."  "Don't drive more than 5 mph above the speed limit."  "If you say that one more time you are grounded."

Sometimes it feels like you aren't really a parent at all – in actuality you are something more like the behavior police.  It's an easy trap or cycle to get caught up in.  You don't really want to get stuck looking for every behavioral red-flag but you also want to make sure your child will be able to function like a normal human being.

But when we become too focused on changing our child's behavior we can miss the more important work of helping them grow into long-term maturity.  You see the goal isn't for us to raise well-behaved children.  The goal in being a parent is to raise mature adults.  And there is a big difference between the two. 

I think the secret can be found in how we discipline.  Take a look at this ancient proverb:

“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.  Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.”  (Proverbs 3:12-14)

Notice in the proverb that discipline isn't done just for discipline's sake – no there is a connection between the discipline a father gives his child and that connection is to wisdom.

When we raise our children to become mature adults we are beginning with the end in mind.  That means that we aren’t simply the behavior police who are trying to create a perfectly behaved child, no we are parents who are trying to impart wisdom to our child as they grow toward maturity.

There are many parents who have made the mistake of parenting for the short term.  Many times their children are the one who once that have finally been given freedom go out and live reckless lives because they lack wisdom.  We can’t parent just for the short term – when what’s in the long term is at stake.

God has given us a great responsibility to parent, discipline and guide our children with long-term maturity in mind.  And that means that when we discipline and correct our children it is done from a place of love and out of a desire to inject wisdom into their lives.

So begin with the end in mind and set your child up for a lifetime of success, help them learn how to make a wise choice in every situation.

God Chose You

by  Devin Dummel

If your family is anything like ours then your summer was filled with adventure.  Without school to "get in the way" of things my boys spent their summer going non-stop.  To use the word busy, would be an understatement;  trips to the zoo, the children's museum, weekly pool parties and a few overnight stays at grandma and grandpa's consumed their free-time this summer.
That doesn't even include all the crafts, messy days, VBS and what we like to refer to as the "best four days of the year". 

It was a great summer but if I'm honest, we are exhausted.  Maybe it's our own fault for thinking of summer as a break from all the business but in an effort to make sure our kids had fun and made memories we managed to stay busier than the rest of the year.

I think this is one of the dangers that we as parents deal with in today’s context and culture: we often run the risk of becoming relationally and spiritually poor in the pursuit of becoming experientially rich.  We want to make sure our kids have all the things, get to see all the things, and get to be all the things so badly that we forget that some things are more important than others.

Sure we walk away with an awesome photo album that people might be envious of, but while we chased these experiences have we helped our kids learn how to live a better life or have we just confused them about what the better life really looks like?

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
If we take this wisdom and apply it to our lives it would suggest that right now as our children are young and are in their adolescence we have the ability to shape their future.  We can influence them and encourage them to pick a path for their lives moving forward. 

So I have to wonder if what we do now in the lives of our children matters so much, we have to ask ourselves the question, "Which path are we pointing them down?"  Are we pointing them down a path to the best life possible or are we pointing down a path that will always leave them chasing the next adventure to try and satisfy them?

The ancient scriptures are clear that parents are the greatest influence in the life of a child.  Even with all the other factors and influences, what you do as a parent matters more to the life of a child than anything else.  There are times when I know I have wished it wasn’t that way – times where I wished that someone else could pour in and shape my child’s future.  But the truth is God chose you to disciple and direct your child.  It is your greatest calling and your life’s greatest work.

As parents, if our influence is that great we must make sure that the path we are putting our children on is the path that leads to God and the path to the best life possible.  We must make sure that we are pouring into their relational and spiritual development and not just trying to be their personal vacation tour guide.  "Start a child in the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it".   You are their greatest influence - make sure you are helping them find their way so they will always know who and where they can turn. 

Freedom: In Christ

by Desi Ash

According to the Bill of Rights, we have the Freedom of Religion, Speech, Press, to Bear Arms, to Vote.  These and many other laws grant us freedoms that many people outside of America desperately long for and we take for granted.

Sometimes when I hear the word freedom, I think that I am not really free. There are chains that keep me bound; money, the past, or the expectations I have for myself.

What are you chained or bound to?

Is it your job, your doubt, your insecurity, lust, lying, your feelings of brokenness, or striving for perfection?

We all have things that we feel bound to that we need to let go of.

Jesus has done just that. When Jesus died on the cross, He set us free. He broke the chains that bind us.

That freedom allows us to go and live a life of joy, to live the life God has in store for us. Jesus calls for us to leave those chains, those burdens aside in Matthew 28 (The Message)

 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

This passage is calming and makes me think of peace and freedom. It reminds us that we don’t need to continue to live as people who are bound and chained. We can live in the freedom that Jesus gave us. To remove those chains:

·        Pray that God will loosen the grip they have on you.

·        Share this burden with a trusted friend and let him/her hold you accountable.

·        Fill in the holes with God. Spend time in the Bible, worship through music, pray prayers of adoration and confession.

·        Focus on your relationship with God

Sometimes we are bound with chains that are so tight they are cutting off the circulation. Those chains can take time to break free. Don’t give up. God has great plans for you and living in the freedom Christ gives us is worth it.

God is in the business of setting His people free. Let God work in your life. Let God set you free.

Freedom: In God We Trust

1,354, 664 and counting.

Let me state that again, one million three hundred fifty-four thousand, six hundred sixty-four and counting.  That’s how many people have died in the history of our country to ensure that you and I are able to live free.

When you think of the upcoming holiday, your thoughts shouldn’t just be about fireworks and foot-longs, it should be about the unbelievable price that has been paid so that you are able to be free.  When you think about what we are celebrating every year on July 4th – and you try to fathom that unbelievable number it’s truly humbling.

It is compelling.  It makes you realize that all too often you take your freedoms and liberties for granted.  When you think about that number it makes you want to honor the sacrifice that was made by making sure you respect and appreciate all the freedom that you are able to enjoy today.

It makes you want to live a different life.  When you think of that number – it makes you want to live like someone died for you.  Because they did.  I mean obviously, they fought for their own liberties and the freedoms of those they loved.  But they also fought to protect the same rights for you and me.

So what you have, what you enjoy in this life, really isn’t because of you.  Someone else paid the price and you get to enjoy it.  Someone else did the heavy lifting and the hard work and we get to benefit from it.  We should live a life that reflects that truth.

You may not realize this and you may not live by it – but that doesn’t mean it’s not true.  You owe so much of your life to someone else – someone who paid the ultimate price.

But it isn’t just all of the brave men and women who were charged with and chose to fight for our freedoms that you and I owe.  The question isn’t if someone died for you would you live a life worth saving.  Because the reality is – someone has died for you and paid an enormous price for you.

“He (Jesus) died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves.  Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.”  - 2 Corinthians 5:15

So while you celebrate this week,  that we live in an amazing land of opportunity and take time to appreciate the freedoms we have and remember all of those amazing men and women who so selflessly provided you and I the freedom we have – do not forget that an enormous price was paid for you.  It wasn’t just paid in defense of our freedoms but it was paid at your expense for eternity.

It’s all too easy to place our trust in so many things – our jobs, our families, our money, our success, our own ingenuity, our power or strength, and even at times our country. And while those things at times can provide us with stability we must remember what the builders and shapers of our nation recognized and declared.


It is “in God We Trust”.

When you do Wrong … Jesus Rescues

by:  Leah Dummel

Luke 23:42-43

John 16:33 Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

This month at VBS we taught our children that in all circumstances, Jesus rescues. When they worry, when they’re lonely, when they feel powerless, and when they struggle. I was able to have a lot of good conversation, especially with our oldest son, around these topics. However, the one that really got him talking and me thinking was “when you do wrong…Jesus rescues." 

Now, if you know our oldest son Declan, you know he is an all-around pretty good kid! But he was able to be very vulnerable with me and share how sometimes he struggles to not make bad behavior choices when playing with other kids and how he told a lie because he thought his parents might be upset with his choice (couldn’t get him to confess the lie, but baby steps).  He also explained that sometimes when his little brother is acting out or throwing a tantrum he feels “mean feelings” towards him. I was able to talk him through all these scenarios and help him name those mean feelings and illustrate how Jesus is there to rescue him when he does those wrong things. 

I was feeling pretty good as a mom if I am completely honest. But THEN … he asked the loaded questions. “Mommy, what are things Jesus has to rescue you from that you do wrong?” I froze. Devin and I both believe in being honest and authentic with our kids. We want, as they grow up, for them to see us and feel we are approachable, relatable and safe. And we believe that one way of creating that culture is being honest with them and not having many secrets with our own mistakes. Otherwise, we risk them putting us on a pedestal and being unable to talk and share their struggles with us. 

But when you make this choice to be so vulnerable you also have to use discretion and boundaries. For instance, it would have been wildly inappropriate for me to say, “Well, I need Jesus to rescue me when I do wrong when I am knee deep in toys, laundry, and diapers and there’s yogurt in my hair and you haven’t stopped asking me all the questions and your brother hasn’t’ spoken a non-hateful non-tantrum word and your dad is frustrated because he can’t get a word in because of all the chaos and I can’t concentrate and I’m 40lbs overweight and the dog needs to be fed and I feel like I have lost who I really am and I think to myself WHY DID WE EVER HAVE CHILDREN?!” 

I mean, am I right though? Parents raise your hand if you have ever said those words or something similar in your head during those heated and stressful moments of parenthood…you can’t see but I am raising both my hands right now. And yes, maybe when he’s 31 and in the thick of parenting himself, I will share my need for a rescuer in those moments, but sitting at the table with him here at age 6, I will not. 

But I can tell you what I did do. I very delicately told him that mommy needs Jesus to rescue her all the time. Declan is a smart kid, he’s a feeler, he’s an empath, he’s an old soul, and he just GETS it. So I shared with him in a very age-appropriate way about this new found anxiety I have developed since becoming a mother of 2. I told him every day I pray for Jesus to rescue me from it because when I let it control me, I make bad choices. I yell at my kids, I say harsh words, I withdraw from my husband, and I withhold love from my family. 

We talked about all those things, and he was brave enough to tell me that he is old enough to recognize when my anxiety takes over and those ugly things come spilling out. He even sweetly offered to warn me when he sees me getting worked up and feeling “scared” so he can help me…which is not his burden to bear but his heart is SO good. It wasn’t a long conversation and I didn’t use the exact words with him that I used in this blog. But what I did try to emphasize was that at every age and every season in life, our need for a Savior, MY need for a Savior, is so great.

It made me remember the story from Luke 23 about the criminal that hung on the cross next to Jesus, who asked Jesus to remember him when He came into His Kingdom. The criminal recognized his need for a Savior and asked to be rescued. He said a strong YES. He always does. He always will. 

As parents, one of our duties and greatest responsibilities is to model Christ’s love to our children. And guess what, we aren’t going to be perfect at it. We will fail. But I am learning that when our babies see us acknowledge our need for Jesus’s great rescue, they are WAY more open to the idea that one day they will also need to ask to be rescued. So if you struggle with anxiety like me, or are a distracted parent, or whatever you are struggling with in this parenting journey, remember what we are teaching our children…that When we Do Wrong, Jesus Rescues.