All in this Together: Serve

by Devin Dummel

I've never gotten into an argument I didn't think I could win.  I've come to realize over time that everyone is not wired the way I am, but when I'm given the opportunity I can manage to come out victorious of nearly any argument I find myself in. 

For a long time, I took pride in being able to navigate an argument on the spot, for being able to frustrate my "opponent" and come out the other side of the conflict the winner.

When I was younger, it was my opinion that if you had an opinion then you should be able to prove that you were right.  In my mind I was always right and seldom wrong, that was until I got married.

After dominating a few arguments with my bride, something became very clear to me.  Once "I won" an argument the practical result was I actually lost.  While I may have been able to win the argument, the way I got there was by discounting her opinion and belittling her in the process. 

Perhaps you are familiar with the saying, “When momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy!”   I quickly discovered that as a family we all lost when I was trying to win.

I think we all have a tendency to want to be right.  We want to prove we know what we are talking about and that our perspective is valid.  We want to win, but what if by trying to win in our relationships we are actually missing the point.

There’s this incredible moment that happened to Jesus and his disciples where they did exactly that:

³³ They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the road?” ³⁴ But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.

³⁵ Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

-Mark 9:33-35

The disciples were arguing and naturally, they each wanted to win.  The topic of discussion is quite interesting.  They were arguing over who would be the greatest among them.    I love this moment because I picture Jesus almost like a teacher who overhears that the class is talking about something inappropriate.  They quiet down hoping that Jesus missed their discussion.

But Jesus didn’t miss it, and He wanted to make sure they wouldn’t miss it either.  He understood that there’s a drive and a desire to be right.  But when it comes to relationships and when it comes to God’s kingdom – the first will be last and the last will be first.

Just like I mentioned earlier, the harder I fought to be right, and the more I put myself first, all I accomplished was ending up on the bottom.  But when I realized that the wisdom of God’s kingdom applied to all my relationships I began to see that in putting others first – especially those I cared about most – I was finishing in a much better position than when I started.

The truth is if you want your relationships to grow, then you must embrace that we are all in this life together.  When you want a “win” in your relationships it doesn’t begin with you; it begins with serving the other people in your life.

The Apostle Peter encouraged us saying, “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others.”  (1 Peter 4:10).  You can serve the people you love in many ways.  You can give them words of affirmation, you can provide acts of service, you can encourage them and show them tangible signs of your love.

Sometimes, all you need to do is hear the other side of something, and open yourself up to another way of seeing the world.  Sometimes all you have to do is decide ahead of time that you don’t have to win.  Sometimes all you need to do is be willing to be last so that the Kingdom of God will be built.