by Devin Dummel
Dysfunctional Families.
I don’t know what image comes to mind when you
hear that phrase. There are likely so
many different ideas, emotions, memories, that come to mind.
Maybe you picture “that weird uncle” that you
try to avoid; the neurotic need for your mothers to have a perfectly pristine
home; or some estranged relatives that no one really talks about why they don’t
come around anymore.
Maybe what you picture is much much worse.
I don’t know what your reference point is, but
no matter how “normal” you think your family is most of us after experiencing a
season of change and being away from our families begin to realize that in
nearly every family there is some measure of dysfunction.
As a child I loved trips to my grandparents’
house. It was three hours away, so we
didn’t travel there as often as we would have liked. Although there was nothing special or
supernatural about their home; there was something magical about those
visits. My brother and I always hated to
leave.
On one of these visits my brother and I were
playing with our older cousins. At the
time we were seven-years-old and five-years-old, while our cousins were
teenagers. Our older cousins were rough
housing, jumping up and down on the beds in the spare bedroom. Naturally, my brother and I wanted to join in
on the fun, and before long it looked like a miniature wrestle mania was being
put on. But before we could get to “the
main event” my grandfather who at all times was quiet and kind stormed into the
room.
His voice boomed like we had never heard
before. He yelled. He cussed. And he immediately put an end to
our shenanigans. It was a surreal
moment, and interaction with my grandfather like we never had before.
It was late, my cousins returned home, and we
went to bed. Next thing I know, my
father was waking us up telling us to pack our things because we were going
home. I’m not sure what time it was but
I know the sun wasn’t up yet. What I
knew at the time was this departure was very strange. We had a standard goodbye routine at my
grandparents, and on this trip, we were breaking all the protocols.
Over the next few days and then weeks, my
grandfather would call and leave messages for my father to call him back. But as I discovered on the drive home, as my
dad explained, he was so upset with how my grandfather handled things that he
wasn’t going to talk to him until he got an apology.
Eventually they talked, and it never happened
again – both my grandfather yelling at us or use leaving in the middle of the
night without saying goodbye. I don’t
know who was right or who was wrong in the scenario. But to this day it reminds me of how little
it takes for relationship to get dysfunctional, even the relationships we care
about the most.
When
you think about it, the idea or concept of “the family” is an interesting
one. If you believe in God the creator
of all things (as I do), then it’s easy to ask the question, “God, how did you
think that a family system would be the best way to structure your people?”
If
it doesn’t take much for things to get sideways, what possible advantages does
the family unit have? Beyond that, God
chose one family – Abraham’s family- to bless the entire world. All believers are even referred to as the family
of God. So, what is it about the family
structure that makes it so unique? What
makes it a key part of saving the world?
I
think the answer to this question is found in the concepts of responsibility
and belonging. Throughout the scriptures
we see this theme, that as the title of this series of posts states, that we
are “all in this together”. My wife
often shares that we all “belong to each other”. When you think about this, it’s a beautiful
thought.
And
isn’t it true? As you have grown older and
your circle has grown wider haven’t you discovered that more and more we are
all connected. I think the saying is –
“Isn’t it a small world?” Maturity
reminds us that our choices, actions and behaviors are not limited to
ourselves; they branch out into our families, our community and our world.
So,
if we are “all in this together” what is our responsibility. Where does our task begin? Well as followers of Jesus it begins in our
own personal family. The Apostle Paul
told timothy to remind his church that:
Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and
especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than
an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8)
The
reminder being that we each have a part to play in our families. We are each called to do our part to
contribute to the betterment of the whole.
We have the responsibility to provide whatever we are able to ensure
that the dysfunction, brokenness or sin doesn’t get out of control.
Paul also told the Galatians: “As we have opportunity, let us do good to all people,
especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” (Galatians
6:10)
I love that phrase, “as we have the
opportunity”. When you think about it
all we have are opportunities. Each day,
whether things are going our way or if we face what feels like incredibly tough
circumstances and situations we are presented with opportunity after
opportunity to “do good to all people.”
Remember we are all in this together and we all
belong to each other. So, let’s do our
part, let’s do good to all people and let’s love on our families – serving
them, leading them, and loving them with everything we’ve got.
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