All in this Together: Grace

by Devin Dummel

On my desk, in the spot closest to my computer screen I have the words "Assume Positive Intent" affixed.  The placement is purposeful.  I wish I could say that I didn't need it there, but the reality is on more than one occasion it has prevented me from assuming the worst of people and letting my mind see how far that dark rabbit hole goes.

If we are honest with ourselves, I think many of us struggle to assume the best of others.  I don't believe I'm the only one who needs to be reminded that most of the time people are good and that most people aren't out to hurt you, wound you or ruin your life.

Maybe it's a natural reflex after being hurt.  Maybe it's a defense mechanism built in us from the very beginning, an effort of self-preservation.  Whatever it is, and however well-intentioned this defense strategy may be, it's not serving us well.  

From my experience living this way can cause more frustration and pain, not just with those we interact with in the margins but those people that we love and live to love.   Isn't it true what they say, that often we hurt the people we love the most?

Why is it that we struggle to live at peace?  Why does it feel like even in the “comfort of our own home” we encounter hostile environments?  Jesus once said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”  The Apostle Paul even said:

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

-Romans 12:18

That’s quite a challenge.  As far as it depends on us, meaning we must do whatever we can to live at peace and to find peace with all people.  But how can we do it; how can we find that place of peace in all of our relationships?

A component can be found in the book of Hebrews:

^“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. “    -         Hebrews 12:15

Grace can be a difficult idea to wrap our minds around.  I once heard someone describe how grace is "getting something good that you don't deserve."  For example, maybe as a kid, your parents, for no real reason stopped to get ice cream for the whole family.  That would be an example of grace, you didn't do anything to deserve it, it's just that your parents wanted to give you something to enjoy.  Their grace was an extension of their love.

This verse in Hebrews is challenging because it implies that we have a responsibility – two responsibilities in fact – first to extend God’s grace and then to make sure we don’t allow any bitterness to take root in our hearts. 

On the surface, these two things may not seem related, but they are more connected than you realize.  When we assume the worst and refuse to extend grace, we allow bitterness to set up shop in our lives.  If we are not diligent it's very easy to let the "roots of bitterness" grow.  When that happens, we don't trust people and we typically assume the worst.

In the moment we think we are guarding our hearts and no longer being naïve.  But something deeper and darker is going on.  In a twisted way, we think we are punishing the other person.  We won't let them get away with it.  But in reality, we are only hurting ourselves.

Pastor and author, Erwin McManus once said, “Bitterness demands you live in the past.  Forgiveness gives you a new future.”  He also said, “The only way to stay bitter is to surrender your future.”  He couldn’t be more right, when we hold onto our wounds and refuse to extend grace we are unable to find peace and ultimately are held hostage in a moment, unable to move forward.

God wants so much better for us and for the world and has called for us to live differently:

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.   -Colossians 3:13

He has set the example and demonstrated what it looks like to forgive and extend grace.  Maybe it’s time for you to focus less on what others have done or what they can do, and instead assume positive intent. 

Be willing to put yourselves in the other person's shoes and be quick to forgive them for any way in which they have offended you.  And in those moments when you are struggling to find a way to forgive and extend grace, just think about how many times God has shown you his love when you didn't deserve it.

As far as it depends on you – be a peacemaker – extend grace and find God’s blessing as you press into His preferred future, never forgetting that we are all in this together!