All in this Together: Grace

by Devin Dummel

On my desk, in the spot closest to my computer screen I have the words "Assume Positive Intent" affixed.  The placement is purposeful.  I wish I could say that I didn't need it there, but the reality is on more than one occasion it has prevented me from assuming the worst of people and letting my mind see how far that dark rabbit hole goes.

If we are honest with ourselves, I think many of us struggle to assume the best of others.  I don't believe I'm the only one who needs to be reminded that most of the time people are good and that most people aren't out to hurt you, wound you or ruin your life.

Maybe it's a natural reflex after being hurt.  Maybe it's a defense mechanism built in us from the very beginning, an effort of self-preservation.  Whatever it is, and however well-intentioned this defense strategy may be, it's not serving us well.  

From my experience living this way can cause more frustration and pain, not just with those we interact with in the margins but those people that we love and live to love.   Isn't it true what they say, that often we hurt the people we love the most?

Why is it that we struggle to live at peace?  Why does it feel like even in the “comfort of our own home” we encounter hostile environments?  Jesus once said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”  The Apostle Paul even said:

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

-Romans 12:18

That’s quite a challenge.  As far as it depends on us, meaning we must do whatever we can to live at peace and to find peace with all people.  But how can we do it; how can we find that place of peace in all of our relationships?

A component can be found in the book of Hebrews:

^“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. “    -         Hebrews 12:15

Grace can be a difficult idea to wrap our minds around.  I once heard someone describe how grace is "getting something good that you don't deserve."  For example, maybe as a kid, your parents, for no real reason stopped to get ice cream for the whole family.  That would be an example of grace, you didn't do anything to deserve it, it's just that your parents wanted to give you something to enjoy.  Their grace was an extension of their love.

This verse in Hebrews is challenging because it implies that we have a responsibility – two responsibilities in fact – first to extend God’s grace and then to make sure we don’t allow any bitterness to take root in our hearts. 

On the surface, these two things may not seem related, but they are more connected than you realize.  When we assume the worst and refuse to extend grace, we allow bitterness to set up shop in our lives.  If we are not diligent it's very easy to let the "roots of bitterness" grow.  When that happens, we don't trust people and we typically assume the worst.

In the moment we think we are guarding our hearts and no longer being naïve.  But something deeper and darker is going on.  In a twisted way, we think we are punishing the other person.  We won't let them get away with it.  But in reality, we are only hurting ourselves.

Pastor and author, Erwin McManus once said, “Bitterness demands you live in the past.  Forgiveness gives you a new future.”  He also said, “The only way to stay bitter is to surrender your future.”  He couldn’t be more right, when we hold onto our wounds and refuse to extend grace we are unable to find peace and ultimately are held hostage in a moment, unable to move forward.

God wants so much better for us and for the world and has called for us to live differently:

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.   -Colossians 3:13

He has set the example and demonstrated what it looks like to forgive and extend grace.  Maybe it’s time for you to focus less on what others have done or what they can do, and instead assume positive intent. 

Be willing to put yourselves in the other person's shoes and be quick to forgive them for any way in which they have offended you.  And in those moments when you are struggling to find a way to forgive and extend grace, just think about how many times God has shown you his love when you didn't deserve it.

As far as it depends on you – be a peacemaker – extend grace and find God’s blessing as you press into His preferred future, never forgetting that we are all in this together!

All in this Together: Serve

by Devin Dummel

I've never gotten into an argument I didn't think I could win.  I've come to realize over time that everyone is not wired the way I am, but when I'm given the opportunity I can manage to come out victorious of nearly any argument I find myself in. 

For a long time, I took pride in being able to navigate an argument on the spot, for being able to frustrate my "opponent" and come out the other side of the conflict the winner.

When I was younger, it was my opinion that if you had an opinion then you should be able to prove that you were right.  In my mind I was always right and seldom wrong, that was until I got married.

After dominating a few arguments with my bride, something became very clear to me.  Once "I won" an argument the practical result was I actually lost.  While I may have been able to win the argument, the way I got there was by discounting her opinion and belittling her in the process. 

Perhaps you are familiar with the saying, “When momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy!”   I quickly discovered that as a family we all lost when I was trying to win.

I think we all have a tendency to want to be right.  We want to prove we know what we are talking about and that our perspective is valid.  We want to win, but what if by trying to win in our relationships we are actually missing the point.

There’s this incredible moment that happened to Jesus and his disciples where they did exactly that:

³³ They came to Capernaum. When he was in the house, he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the road?” ³⁴ But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.

³⁵ Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

-Mark 9:33-35

The disciples were arguing and naturally, they each wanted to win.  The topic of discussion is quite interesting.  They were arguing over who would be the greatest among them.    I love this moment because I picture Jesus almost like a teacher who overhears that the class is talking about something inappropriate.  They quiet down hoping that Jesus missed their discussion.

But Jesus didn’t miss it, and He wanted to make sure they wouldn’t miss it either.  He understood that there’s a drive and a desire to be right.  But when it comes to relationships and when it comes to God’s kingdom – the first will be last and the last will be first.

Just like I mentioned earlier, the harder I fought to be right, and the more I put myself first, all I accomplished was ending up on the bottom.  But when I realized that the wisdom of God’s kingdom applied to all my relationships I began to see that in putting others first – especially those I cared about most – I was finishing in a much better position than when I started.

The truth is if you want your relationships to grow, then you must embrace that we are all in this life together.  When you want a “win” in your relationships it doesn’t begin with you; it begins with serving the other people in your life.

The Apostle Peter encouraged us saying, “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others.”  (1 Peter 4:10).  You can serve the people you love in many ways.  You can give them words of affirmation, you can provide acts of service, you can encourage them and show them tangible signs of your love.

Sometimes, all you need to do is hear the other side of something, and open yourself up to another way of seeing the world.  Sometimes all you have to do is decide ahead of time that you don’t have to win.  Sometimes all you need to do is be willing to be last so that the Kingdom of God will be built. 

All in this Together: Share Your Faith

by Devin Dummel

Let’s be honest we all have them.  I’m not sure what to call them, but without them we feel like we would be lost. 

They are a strategic tool in the parenting toolbox, able to help us navigate some of the hardest moments involved in raising children.

You might call them “mantras” or your “go-tos”; you may not have a name for them, but I’m confident you have them.   Some of my parent’s favorite sayings were:

• ·        God didn’t put me on this earth to entertain you.
• ·        Life’s not fair.
• ·        I brought you into this world; I can take you out of it.

As a child my wife often heard:

• ·        Make it a great day!
• ·        Check your work
• ·        Practice, practice, practice even when you’re tired.

Now that our boys are getting older we are beginning to use some of these handy sayings – quick ways that we can respond to our boys when we are in need.  Here are a few that we have been working with:

• ·        We can do hard things.
• ·        Be brave because you’re a child of God; be kind because others are too.
• ·        In this house, we do not negotiate with terrorists.

 This isn’t a new idea.  This parenting concept has been around since the beginning of time.  God even instructed His people in the Old Testament to focus on and highlight the truths that they should ingrain in their family life.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.   Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.   – Deut. 6:4-5

These concepts were so important that God’s children should be taught these things constantly.  Families were instructed to use symbols as reminders, to ensure they didn’t forget the truths about God.   These ideas are so central and so influential that when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, His response began by quoting these instructions.

Passing these ideas down to the next generation was of crucial importance.  That is why they were encouraged to share them while they traveled, while they were at home and even as they went to bed.

⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.  – Deut. 6:6-9

Sharing your beliefs and your faith in God generations later is still just as important.  Your children are looking to you to help them navigate this crazy world.  It’s a mistake to assume that simply going to church and telling them to make good decisions will help them find and follow God.

The truth is we are blessed to have been given a blueprint for how we can go about building a foundation for our family relationships with the truths of God at the core.  Times have changed – we don’t often walk down the road together as a family – but lucky for us truth hasn’t.

If you’re not sure where to start sharing your faith, start with these three simple times:

1. Drive Time -  Some of the most overlooked time in our day is the time we spend in car.  It could be taking your kids to school, practice or the doctor’s office; next time you are behind the wheel think about how you could leverage the time and share your faith.  You could tell a story about something God has done or something you are learning.  You could play worship music.  You could ask your child where they have seen God that day.  The possibilities are endless; and what better way to fill your miles.

2. Dinner Time – It seems that more and more families spend less time sharing meals together.  Can you imagine what it would look like if each time your family gathered around a table you prayed together and shared what God was doing in your life?  What if you used your meal time as a place to let your children ask you questions about anything – it could get a little crazy, but it also could be the most impactful time in your day.

3. Down Time – Every family has this time, for some it’s more frequent than others.  In our family we love to spend a few minutes at bed time praying for one another.  Your down time may not be consistent, those minutes may be few and far between, but praying with or over your kids even if it’s just for a minute can leave mark that last’s their entire lifetime.

When you understand the heart of Deuteronomy 6, it’s easy to see that the goal isn’t just for you to hammer religious truths into your child’s mind.  The strategy is to share your faith at all times and in all ways so that they are able to soak it up.  We want our children not to just hear about our faith but see us live it out on a daily basis.

When we share our faith in the everyday moments, it will help our families live out their faith in everyday ways.  So, do what you need to.  Repeat key truths over and over.  Paint signs and hang them upon your doorposts.  Get a tattoo if that will help.  Whatever you do, don’t hold back!  Share your faith and share it often.  You never know which seed you plant, God will choose to water and the harvest that he could bring from it someday.

All in this Together: Do Your Part

by Devin Dummel

Dysfunctional Families.

I don’t know what image comes to mind when you hear that phrase.  There are likely so many different ideas, emotions, memories, that come to mind.  

Maybe you picture “that weird uncle” that you try to avoid; the neurotic need for your mothers to have a perfectly pristine home; or some estranged relatives that no one really talks about why they don’t come around anymore.

Maybe what you picture is much much worse.

I don’t know what your reference point is, but no matter how “normal” you think your family is most of us after experiencing a season of change and being away from our families begin to realize that in nearly every family there is some measure of dysfunction.

As a child I loved trips to my grandparents’ house.  It was three hours away, so we didn’t travel there as often as we would have liked.  Although there was nothing special or supernatural about their home; there was something magical about those visits.  My brother and I always hated to leave.

On one of these visits my brother and I were playing with our older cousins.  At the time we were seven-years-old and five-years-old, while our cousins were teenagers.  Our older cousins were rough housing, jumping up and down on the beds in the spare bedroom.  Naturally, my brother and I wanted to join in on the fun, and before long it looked like a miniature wrestle mania was being put on.  But before we could get to “the main event” my grandfather who at all times was quiet and kind stormed into the room.

His voice boomed like we had never heard before.  He yelled.  He cussed. And he immediately put an end to our shenanigans.  It was a surreal moment, and interaction with my grandfather like we never had before.

It was late, my cousins returned home, and we went to bed.  Next thing I know, my father was waking us up telling us to pack our things because we were going home.  I’m not sure what time it was but I know the sun wasn’t up yet.  What I knew at the time was this departure was very strange.  We had a standard goodbye routine at my grandparents, and on this trip, we were breaking all the protocols.

Over the next few days and then weeks, my grandfather would call and leave messages for my father to call him back.  But as I discovered on the drive home, as my dad explained, he was so upset with how my grandfather handled things that he wasn’t going to talk to him until he got an apology.

Eventually they talked, and it never happened again – both my grandfather yelling at us or use leaving in the middle of the night without saying goodbye.  I don’t know who was right or who was wrong in the scenario.  But to this day it reminds me of how little it takes for relationship to get dysfunctional, even the relationships we care about the most.

When you think about it, the idea or concept of “the family” is an interesting one.  If you believe in God the creator of all things (as I do), then it’s easy to ask the question, “God, how did you think that a family system would be the best way to structure your people?”

If it doesn’t take much for things to get sideways, what possible advantages does the family unit have?  Beyond that, God chose one family – Abraham’s family- to bless the entire world.  All believers are even referred to as the family of God.  So, what is it about the family structure that makes it so unique?  What makes it a key part of saving the world?

I think the answer to this question is found in the concepts of responsibility and belonging.  Throughout the scriptures we see this theme, that as the title of this series of posts states, that we are “all in this together”.  My wife often shares that we all “belong to each other”.  When you think about this, it’s a beautiful thought.

And isn’t it true?  As you have grown older and your circle has grown wider haven’t you discovered that more and more we are all connected.  I think the saying is – “Isn’t it a small world?”  Maturity reminds us that our choices, actions and behaviors are not limited to ourselves; they branch out into our families, our community and our world.

So, if we are “all in this together” what is our responsibility.  Where does our task begin?  Well as followers of Jesus it begins in our own personal family.  The Apostle Paul told timothy to remind his church that:

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8)

The reminder being that we each have a part to play in our families.  We are each called to do our part to contribute to the betterment of the whole.  We have the responsibility to provide whatever we are able to ensure that the dysfunction, brokenness or sin doesn’t get out of control.

 Paul also told the Galatians: “As we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.” (Galatians 6:10)

I love that phrase, “as we have the opportunity”.  When you think about it all we have are opportunities.  Each day, whether things are going our way or if we face what feels like incredibly tough circumstances and situations we are presented with opportunity after opportunity to “do good to all people.”

Remember we are all in this together and we all belong to each other.  So, let’s do our part, let’s do good to all people and let’s love on our families – serving them, leading them, and loving them with everything we’ve got. 

All in this Together: Put God First

by Devin Dummel

 

I was one of those kids who “grew up in church”, meaning if something was going on you could pretty much guarantee my family would be there.  Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights, worship services and pitch-ins, you name it we would be present. 

 

Because of this everything about going to church as a child kind of blurs together.  It’s hard to pick out any specific moments or lessons.  I remember flannel graph Jesus and being able to count on snacks each week.  I remember some sort of club called the “Whirly Birds” where we would memorize bible verses in order to receive plastic trinkets which were sowed onto a vest, kind of like boy scouts.  Unfortunately, that’s nearly all I remember about going to church as a young boy.

 But there was one lesson that has stayed with me from that time period.  I believe it’s stuck with me because of the mnemonic device attached to the teaching.  Maybe you’ve heard it before, it’s represented by the acronym – J-O-Y.

 The purpose of the “JOY” acronym is to teach and remind us of the proper priorities of relationships.  The “J” stands for our relationship with Jesus, and it should always come first.  The “O” is for others, reminding us to put others before ourselves.  Finally, the “Y” stands for you, emphasizing that we cannot neglect the internal relationship with ourselves.

 On the surface this may seem like a gimmick to teach children to be kind, but the reality is the “JOY” acronym is one of the easiest ways to ensure that all of our relationships are held in the proper place and are given what they need to grow in the way that God intended.

 

There is a story in the Old Testament, it can be found in Genesis 22.  It’s a story about relationships and the struggle to keep them in the right order.  Although it is an ancient story, it still speaks to us today.  Many of us find ourselves living and upside down or mixed up version of the “JOY” paradigm.  We live for our kids first; we put the needs of our spouse before God; we stress over the commands of our superiors at work while neglecting what God would have us do each day.

 

If you have found or do find yourself in a place where things seem upside down or out of whack, perhaps it’s because the priorities of your relationships aren’t in the proper perspective.

 

As God made the promise to Abraham to make him the father of a great nation that would change the world, He needed to be sure that Abraham kept things in the proper perspective. 

 

Sometime later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”  “Here I am,” he replied. Then God said, “Take your son, your only son, whom you love—Isaac—and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on a mountain I will show you.”  

Genesis 22:1-2

When you begin to read this passage, it can be shocking.  How could a god – a good god – make a request like this?  I don’t know about you, but the thought of sacrificing or giving up one of my children for anything would shake me to my core.  I would rather die than let that happen.  I can’t imagine that night was an easy one for Abraham.  But early the next morning Abraham did exactly what God had asked and began his journey toward the mountain.

^"When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”

“Here I am,” he replied. “Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”  
Genesis 22:9-12

 In the most unbelievable of moments, Abraham was able to trust that God would provide.  He made the decision that his relationship to God was more important than any other relationship.  He decided that he could not live with himself if he was willing to disobey God.  If we are honest it’s hard to imagine that our faith would be strong enough to do make the same choice that Abraham made.

 The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said, “I swear by myself, declares the Lord, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me.” 

Genesis 22:15-18

 

I know it seems backwards but if we want our lives to be blessed by God, if we want our families to thrive, if we want all of our relationships to be healthy and moving in the right direction – it happens when we place our relationship with God above everything else.  When every other relationship in our lives pales in comparison to our relationship with God that’s when we know we are doing it right.

 Many years later, Jesus was teaching the crowds and He said:

 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

Luke 14:26-27

Many of us claim to follow Jesus, we declare that we are His disciples and yet time and time again we choose relationships with other people over our relationship with Him.  In this same teaching, Jesus would go on to say:

 

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’

“Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.

Luke 14:28-33

We are all in this together – and our relationships and our world will be a much better place when each of us put Jesus before Others and You.  So, let’s make this world a better place.  Let’s count the cost and let’s make sure that our relationship with God takes the greatest priority today.