It's Okay to be Human

In over a decade of working with students and with parents I’ve noticed a common thread with well-adjusted kids. The theme seems to be this:

Kids with parents who are open and honest about their own shortcomings are better adjusted, and parents who want to be seen as perfect have kids that often aren't.
 
Many of my friends who’ve confessed to me they’ve had problems in life come from families in which parents have a hard time admitting they’re wrong.

Often they come from religious families in which the parents felt they had to be a model of perfection.

Imagine having a mom or a dad who is willing to say something like, “You know, you get your temper from me. It’s one of the terrible things I’ve handed you. I’m so sorry about that. Here’s how I’ve learned to handle it. Let me know if you need help. I love you so much I would hate for you to have to feel any pain on account of me.”

A fully transparent parent they have absolutely no problem admitting their faults. And this gives children a sense of comfort because they realize it’s okay to be human.

In fact, they can really connect with their parents because they’re vulnerable and honest and open.

On the other hand, there are many kids who wander through the world lost. I’ve noticed that many of these children have parents who are constantly spinning the truth to make themselves look good.

If anything negative happens in their families, they blame it on some other factor. They never admit their mistakes. They are constantly trying to “set an example” by hiding their true humanity, by acting like they never make a mistake.

Kids who grow up in homes like this don’t feel permission to be human or flawed and don’t trust God has forgiven them.

If we want families that are less ordinary and more healthy, lets teach our kids, by example, that it’s okay to be human. When they’re old enough, let’s begin to confess our sins to our children, even letting them know how sorry we are that our humanity has hurt them in some way.

Kids who have parents who confess their sins grow up believing in grace, in honesty, in transparency and are much more likely to connect deeply with others rather than hide.  Let’s teach our kids how to be transparent, open and human by being transparent, open and human ourselves.