Beyond Texting: How to Talk With Teens

The irony of our current generation of teens is that while the may be the most “socially” connected generation; they are far from the most socially adept generation.  Many students find it easier to communicate through a screen or behind keys than to share the same space communicating face to face with another person. 

This challenge is unique to the current generation of teens, due to the amount of technology at their fingertips.  So how do you get beyond texting with teens?  How do you have meaningful conversations with students?  How do you raise up the next generation when you feel like you speak different languages.  Here are some tips to help you connect with the teens in your life. 

1.        Be An Active Listener 

 Listening is the language of love. Listening communicates value, significance, and worth. Good listening skills include: 

·         giving your undivided attention

·         looking beyond the content of the words by taking notice of tone and body language

·         maintaining an accepting and open attitude

·         using good questions to help clarify your understanding

 

2.       Control Your Non-Verbals

 

Watch your tone and body language when you speak. Do your best to make sure the message you send is the message you want to communicate.

 

3.        Avoid the "silent treatment."

 

Silence can tear apart a relationship.  You may find that you need some time to process some information before you are ready to address an issue.  If that’s the case, make sure that you let your teen know you need some extra time. For example, one might say, "I need some time to consider how to respond. Let's talk about this after dinner."  Be aware when emotions are running high. Sometimes a cooling-off period is required in order for good communication to occur.

4.       Express Your Feelings

Sharing your feelings is important in effective communication.  Students experience a wide variety.  Some of these emotions they may not be familiar with and may not know how to respond to.  Make sure you are open about your feelings.  Do your best to respond in healthy ways to the wide variety of emotions you face, so that they can learn what the best way is to handle the emotions they are experiencing.

5.       Use Open-Ended Questions

 

It’s a proven fact: both parents and kids experience times where they don't want to talk. But make these times the exception, not the rule. Proactively create a habit of conversation in your home.  Use open ended-questions to move past the simple “yes” or “no” answers.  For example,  if you ask the question, ‘How was your day?’  You can expect a closed answer.  Something like ‘fine’ or ‘good’ is likely the response you will get.  But ask an open-ended questions like, “What was the highlight of your day?” and you open a student up instead of closing them down.

6.         Avoid discussion killers.

There are things that will just kill a conversation, most of these you know beforehand, don’t allow frustration or anger push you to use discussion killers.  Examples of these include put-downs, yelling, interrupting, talking-over your teen, and making her or him feel dumb about their questions or comments.

 

7.       Use Affirmation

Provide affirmation whenever possible. Everyone needs affirmation! Regular use of statements like, "Great idea," "That's so clever," "I would have never figured that out," "Way to go," "Good job," “That’s a great point,” will cause your relationship to grow and thrive.  Always communicate with love.

 

 

Getting “beyond texting” with your teenager may be harder than you realized at first.  Remember to be intentional about your conversations.  Demonstrate that above anything else you care for and love them no matter what is going on in their lives.