The Unashamed Challenge

The apostle Paul said,   “For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes”

This idea has been the major idea that has shaped the beginning of the fall for our student ministry – especially the High School Ministry.

We believe students should live unashamed about what they believe and that when they share the truth about who Jesus is it has power to change everything.

We believe that students can change their school, students can change their community, students can change the world.

We also believe that they can’t do any of that without you.

You set the example for your son or daughter.  You are someone that students look up to.  You are the primary influencer.  And as such we believe that its time for us (the adults) to set the example.

The truth is we spend too much time … hiding what we believe.  We miss God given, divine opportunities because we are too worried about being “politically correct” or what others think of us.

Unfortunately we spend too much time being ashamed of the gospel.

The heartbreaking thing is that - Jesus wasn’t ashamed of us.  He was willing to give everything so that you and I could truly know God. 

It’s time for things to change …

While the world will tells us to keep our faith to ourselves; in light of the Gospel, the only reasonable thing is the unashamedly share the truth and life that we have experienced in Jesus.  We should never be ashamed to share our faith.

We believe so strongly in this that we put a challenge out to our students.  Here is the “Unashamed Challenge”

Challenge:  We want to challenge students to make a short video – about their faith.  It can be about how Jesus has changed you.  It can be about how you love God.  It can be about how much you want others to know God’s love.

Whatever you do – make it about your faith – and what God has been doing in your life.  Then post it on your social media platforms with the hashtags:   #2econdFamily #Unashamed

That was the challenge … but now we want to extend the invitation to you the parent / the step parent / the grandparent / the adult.

Will you take the challenge?  Will you let the world know that you are unashamed?

Make sure you use the hashtags:  #Unsahmed  #2econdFamily

Let’s make it go viral – let’s let the whole world know – let’s continue the work that Paul was doing.  Let’s be unashamed

Keep Moving Forward

Let’s be honest … from time to time (or maybe all the time) we all struggle with forward motion.  It’s a scientific fact that an object at rest stays at rest.  It takes so much more energy, focus and determination to move forward than it does to just stay where you are.

Another truth I've come to learn, be it scientific or not – is that if you are standing still then you are actually losing ground.  An ancient Chinese proverb says this:  Do not be afraid of going slowly, be afraid of standing still.

When you quit moving forward in any area of your life – your health, your training, your skills or your spiritual life; you begin to lose the progress that you had made over time.

As we begin a new school year we have one message or concept for our Student Ministry family.  It’s for students, parents and volunteers as well – and the message is this:  Keep moving forward.

We believe in and lean on four core values for our ministry.  We also believe that all of us are at some point of the spectrum with in these four areas.  Our challenge to start the year is for each of us to look at what God’s been doing in and around us and ask the question: How do I keep moving forward?

The first core value is:  Connect

We live in a world that has become very disconnected despite technology.  However, God creates us to experience life together!  We believe the most important and powerful connections happen when we’re face- to-face.

So are you connected somewhere?  Do you have meaningful and powerful friendships?  Do you feel like you belong?  If not – then God is calling you to connect.

Our second core value is:  Grow

There are so many ways that we grow.  Even the scriptures reference how Jesus grew in wisdom, stature and in favor with God and man. (Luke 2:52).   Growth is key to the life that has been given to us.  We believe that the journey of faith takes time, and that intentional strategic growth is important. 

So if you are connected, then the next question is: Are you growing?  Are you growing in a group?  

Are you growing on your own?  Can you look back 6 months or a year and see the change that God has been working in you?  If not – then God is calling you during this season to focus on your own spiritual growth.

Our third core value is:  Serve

Ask anyone to look around our world and most would agree it is a broken place.  But it is not a place without hope; it is full of those who are willing to give their time, talents and energy to help those in need.  We believe that a changed life is a life that serves.  And we know that it is one thing to speak of the glories of the Lord; it is another thing to BE the glories of the Lord.  That is why we think it’s crucial to use what God has given us as a blessing to others.

If you are growing, have you discovered how you are shaped?  Does your heart break for the things that break God’s heart?  Do you find yourself giving up your wants and desires to help others find and follow God?  If not – then God is calling you to find a place to pour back in, to find a place to get your hands dirty and help others in need.

Finally our fourth core value is:  Share

We believe that as we connect, grow and serve that naturally leads to the willingness and desire to share with others what God has done.  Can you imagine what God can do through your story?  He gave it to you for a reason and wants you to use it to help other people find Him.

Do you find it hard to keep the amazing news about Jesus quiet?  Do you look for opportunities to tell the story about your changed life?  When people look at your life do they see the radical love and grace that Jesus offers?  If not – God is calling you to begin to share more confidently and openly about who He is and what He’s done.

The bottom line for each of us is to keep moving forward, even if it’s just a little bit at a time.  So what’s God calling you into, where is he stretching you and pulling you forward?  What’s next for you?

Keep moving forward, keep trusting God.

And more than anything else …. Don’t stand still.

HOW TO HAVE AN AMAZING SUMMER

With only a few days of the school year left, every student is dreaming about Summer Break.  Why is summer so important for students?  Maybe it’s the relaxation, no school, or seemingly endless free time that makes summer feel so great. All of those things are major “pros” to Summer Break but I think one of the best things about the time off is it’s a great time for your child to grow.  

While your son or daughter may not be spending their time in a classroom it doesn't mean that they aren't growing. 

Let me share with you some of the great ways that your kids can learn and grow and have an amazing summer!

1)     Learn more naturally.

There is nothing wrong with the classroom, but the one thing that summer allows that the rest of the year doesn't is time to learn outside of the school environment.  We often don’t view other forms of learning as valuable as the time spent in class, but spending time with friends can help develop social skills.  Exploring a park or a forest can expand the imagination and ignite a passion for knowledge.  Summer allows for growth in students emotional skills and problem solving abilities.  It’s good for our brains to switch gears and learn in new ways – and Summer Break provides that opportunity.

2)    Live with low-to-no stress.

The older a child gets the more stress they begin to feel.  With the pressures to perform well in school and in sports they need a time to experience the world with low-to-no stress.  Summer provides a great time to take advantage of a time to be more relaxed and let students figure somethings out.  Unfortunately many parents view the Summer as time to get a head in sports or school and they miss an opportunity to relive stress and instead put more pressure on their child.  I encourage you to take advantage of the this built in time to “de-stress”.  You won’t believe the difference it could make for your child.

3)    Make lifelong memories.

Whether it’s spending time with members of the extended family or going on a trip with a group of friends, the summer provides the perfect avenue for students to do things that they will never forget.  I still remember my summers where we went on family vacations, went on youth group trips, and did crazy/messy/ridiculous things.  Don’t underestimate the power of a moment or a memory.  Use the summer as a way to encourage your child to do things they would never think about doing.

4)    Get refreshed.

Rest and relaxation are important for students.  As we mentioned earlier school is extremely stressful – homework, peer pressure, cliques and sports to name a few – are things that a child really needs to evaluate.  Maybe your child doesn't want to play the piano anymore.  Maybe they decide they need some new friends.  It’s hard for a child to transition away from activities or people that they feel they need to change – but providing space like Summer Break can allow them to evaluate where they want to go moving forward.  Giving them time to be refreshed is crucial.

We hope that Summer Break for your child is amazing.  We are hear providing some key opportunities to help them connect with people, make memories, continue to grow and in the meantime be refreshed.  We hope you are looking forward to summer as much as we are.  It’s going to be amazing!

Parenting and the "Art of Pruning"

A high school couple of three years breaks up days before prom.  He is devastated and seems completely lost without her.

A 6^th grader hangs his head, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone who might make him feel “less than” -  anyone who would call him by many other names.

She sneaks away when no one is looking, trying to purge her system to make sure that she won’t put on a pound.  It’s difficult to get into the popular crowd; she can’t imagine what it would be like to ever be left out again.

It’s painful to watch your children struggle.  It’s difficult to see them in pain.  It may be one of the biggest challenges as a parent – to help your child navigate hardship, trial and frustration.  I believe much of the struggle for parents comes because we don’t truly understand the purpose of hardship, trial and pain.

But if we truly want to navigate the difficult issues, then we must understand gardening.  Yes, that’s right gardening.  We must develop our horticultural skills, get our hands dirty and discover God’s green thumb.

Jesus often spoke in pictures, using rich imagery to communicate deeper truths.  In John 15 He reminds us that our relationship with God is much like a tree and it’s branches.  “I am the true vine (tree), and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will even be more fruitful … remain in Me, and I will remain in you.  No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.” 

I think Jesus has a lot to say in just a few verses here, that can help us as parents discover the “Art of Pruning” – and discover why God would allow our children to go through and experience difficult things.

1.       Hardship, Trials & Frustration are Good Things

Our perspective on pain and suffering is terribly skewed.  We automatically view pain and suffering, hardship and frustration, trial and temptation as bad things.  In reality they are good things.  They are things that God has given us for a reason.

They have a purpose.  Think about it, physical pain has a purpose.  If you cut yourself but didn’t feel pain you would never know that you needed medical attention.    The emotions we often associate with hurt and pain are purposeful too.  Without suffering how would we really experience joy.

Without knowing what can be lost how can we appreciate what we have?

James puts it this way, “Consider it joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its works so hat you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.”

God’s purpose for these difficult things is to help us become the people He creates us to be.  He wants us to be mature.  He wants us to be complete.  That won’t happen if we always have it easy.  So instead of growing wild – we are pruned.

As parents, we need to recognize this truth and press into it.  We need to help our children recognize that hard things are not bad things; that the most difficult times in their lives are the times that God is most active at shaping them into the person He has called them to be.

2.       You Can’t “Fix” Pruning

Look back to Jesus’ words in John 15.  Don’t miss this – everyone gets cut. EVERYONE.  This isn’t something you can avoid.  This isn’t something you can protect your kids from.  It’s going to happen, so don’t try to “fix” it.

As parents we want to protect our kids.  We want to keep pain and struggle as far away from them as possible.  I’m not saying just let your kids go crazy.  But what I am saying is don’t over-protect them.  Don’t soften the consequences of bad choices.  Don’t take the brunt of the load hardship.

Remember if these things are good for them, and everyone needs to be pruned, then your job as a parent is help them through that process, teach them what it looks like to follow God during difficult times, show them how to respond in the face of adversity.

Too often, we seek to shield or hide our children from the harsh realities of this world.  I think that largely that’s a mistake.  We all need pruned, so allow your children to go through this process with you before they have to navigate it on their own.

3.       You are not the Gardner

This may be the most important part of the pruning process, and it’s easy to overlook.  Jesus says that He is the vine or the tree, we are the branches and God is the gardener.  It’s God’s green thumb that knows the “Art of Pruning.”

We must trust that God knows what he is doing; that even when life seems harsh, unforgiving, and unfair – that God is not absent.  He’s not unaware of what’s going on, He is instead right there with us in the garden.  Just like it’s been from the beginning.  And He’s finding ways to use all of the trials and hardship to make us into better people.  People who look more like Him.

Don’t try to explain the reason for everything that’s happening to and with your kids – instead point them to God.  Encourage them to discover what the Master Gardner is up to.  Help them discover the “Art of Pruning” for themselves.

I Thought There Would Be More ...

My wife and I are “that” couple who used to post too many pictures of their dogs, but now post too many pictures of their kids.  We know you are probably tired of seeing our children.  We get it and it’s not that we don’t care – it’s just when you stare at walking talking miracles everyday it’s hard not to want to share that with the world.

It’s hard to come up with the right words to describe them.  They are beautiful and hilarious.  They are messy and adorable.  They are clumsy and frustrating.  They are bright eyed and brilliant.  There is something about them that captures your heart, one small piece at a time – moment by moment – day by day until suddenly you look up and the only thing that matters is sharing each experience with them.  Every thought.  Every laugh.  Every bonk.  Every cry. 

And each moment is unbelievably precious.  They happen so fast it’s easy to miss them.  They are like whispers that waft through the air – if only you could catch them.  There are some that you are able to hold on to – to capture and keep for a lifetime.  But most fade and are forgotten like buried treasures lying dormant waiting for someone to stumble upon them.

There is nothing quite like being a parent.

And it’s true what they say …. Time moves so fast.  They grow too fast.  Things change to fast.  You blink and something is gone.

In the past few months we have celebrated a 3^rd birthday and we have brought another child into this world.  It’s hard not to be crippled by the truth that time moves so fast.  I have fought the urge until recently when after both of our boys were in bed, my wife and I watched a film titled, “Boyhood”.

The film is unique in that it was filmed over 12 years using the same actors.  And although what plays out on screen is fictitious – the reality of watching a boy grow into a man happens right before your eyes.

I have to confess there was a scene in the film that rocked me.  When the credits were rolling I processed that moment and it brought me to tears.  I started to cry uncontrollably and it took me over an hour to regain my composure.  It brought me to a very hard truth.

In the scene, the mother is talking with her son as he is packing to leave for college.  She seems upset and after her son presses her for the reason she admits, that she’s lost.  She always knew this day would come – but as she said “I thought there would be more.”

But that’s the truth.  There won’t be more.

There won’t be another today.  There won’t be another moment just like this one.

As I sit here and write this there are 733 weeks until my oldest son graduates.  That seems like a long way off, but as you have probably said it before – “it will be here before you know it”.

Make the most of each day with your children.  Make the most of each moment.  There are plenty of things that seem like they are worth doing, but we will never regret pouring into our children.

You may think you have time – you may think there will be more.

But you only have right now.

Trust Me; You are a Good Parent

I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve had to say the words, “Trust me; you are a good parent” to a mom or a dad who is really doubting themselves.  For one reason or another we are sitting across from each other and there is this moment when I can see it in their eyes.  Most times they don’t even have to say the words, their defeated expression says it all.

“I failed; I am a terrible parent”.

The truth is parenting isn’t easy for the best or most experienced mom or dad.  No matter what your starting point as a parent is - it’s challenging because each child is so different and because children’s needs constantly change.  And just because a child is struggling or has gotten into some trouble doesn’t mean that parents are at fault.

When you are starting to feel like you’re failing as a parent – see if you can check most of the following things off your list of parenting skills.  If you can – then trust me; you are a good parent.

Key Skills of a "Good" Parent

o   Consistency

If you are consistent in your reactions, your child will always recognize the boundaries. Make sure your children know the rules and what behavior you expect of them. Be fair and firm with discipline, but always act out of love. They should know the consequences of their actions.

o   Daily Care

Good parents provide nutritional meals for her children as well as a safe environment. Helping your children develop and practice good hygiene and other daily living activities is part of being a good parent. Set a regular bedtime so your children get sufficient rest. Take them to the doctor or dentist for preventative medical care and to help them heal when they are injured or sick.

o   Show Your Love

Don’t expect your child to just know that you love him. Show your feelings constantly by hugging, through positive touches and telling him and doing little things that make him happy. When he brings high grades and creative art projects home from school, love will show in your pride as you display them on the refrigerator or on your desk at work. Provide a positive environment, and reinforce good behavior.

o   Life Lessons

Children need to learn how to make the right choices. Stand behind your child, and offer to help with decisions, but gradually encourage her to make them on her own. Being a parent is a full-time job that requires repetition and constant reminders. Protect your children from dangerous Internet sites, and teach them the red flags to look out for. Enforce good table manners and other lessons that will help your children function in society.

o   Accountability

A strong parent teaches his children accountability. Children should take responsibility for their actions by letting you know where they are, owning up to mistakes, correcting these mistakes and accepting the consequences for their actions. House rules need to be clearly stated and reinforced. If your children see you following rules and being accountable, they are more likely to follow your lead.

o   Reinforcing Responsibility

Teach your child responsibility by giving her some within the family unit. She should participate in family chores. She needs to show up for family events and meals. Stress the importance of completing schoolwork and studying for tests. Teach your child the importance of helping others through volunteerism.

o   Reciprocal Respect

Your children should respect others at all times. They need to understand and respect the value of authority, and they should listen to teachers and others in charge. Everyone needs to respect other people’s opinions, rights and property. Set a good example, and exhibit your respect for your child in the same manner.

o   Lifelong Learning

Children will place a higher value on education if their parents do. Engage them with their school work. Read with your child, and teach important educational lessons whenever opportunities arise; this includes matter of physical, relational, emotional and spiritual development.

 Trust Me

What’s amazing to me is that when I say those words – those simple words.  “Trust me; you are a good parent”  - it’s almost as if I can see a weight lifted off of the other person.  I will often remind them that because they wrestle with how they are doing as a parent and because they are willing to be transparent about it – it indicates that they are indeed a good parent.

No one is the perfect parent.  We all know this fact.  But the truth is we need to embrace the truth that even when we aren’t “perfect” parents we are good parents.  We care deeply about our children and are willing to move heaven and earth for them.

Keep checking off the list and doing all the things that will remind you how great of a parent you are.  And remember you are not in this alone.  You have so many people around you who love and care about you and your family.  Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who can look you in the eyes and say those crucial words, “Trust me; you are a good parent.”

Keep Talking With Your Kids About Sex

It’s never too early to start talking to kids about sexuality! We’re not talking just about the “birds and the bees” either. 

To help kids build a God-honoring, healthy sexuality, there is a wide spectrum of topics to cover that go way beyond body parts and the mechanics of sex, such as God’s design for sexuality, sexual purity, sexual morals and values,

and resisting pressure from an overly sexualized culture.

Have you already had “the talk” with your teenager? Good for you. Now, it’s time to pick up the conversation again. Then, talk about it some more. Why? Researchers have found that parents who have ongoing dialogue with kids about sex are more effective at delaying their sexual activity and avoiding at-risk sexual behaviors than one talk. Kids change over time. Their sexual curiosity deepens and new questions emerge. The temptations to experiment sexually grow. So, “the talk” you had several years ago with your 14-year-old just won’t suffice. Now is the time to keep the conversation going!

·         Did You Know? Adolescents engage in less sexual activity if their fathers talk to them about sexual matters.

·         Did You Know? Sexting – the sending of semi-nude or nude photos by smartphone – has become the new “first base” in teen’s sexual behavior. It is now considered the new norm among adolescents and most often precedes sexual activity, and serves as a gateway to increased sexual behaviors.

·         Did You Know? Too often discussions about sex between parents and teens happen after teens become sexually active. Researchers found that more than 40% of adolescents had experienced sexual intercourse before talking about sex with their parents.

·         Did You Know? Nationwide, 46.8% of high school students have had sexual intercourse. The breakdown by grade are as follows:

o   9th graders: 30%

o   10th graders: 41.4%

o   11th graders: 54.1%

o   12th graders: 64.1%

Making sexuality a topic of conversation at home can be a challenging thing.  It can be awkward, and your child may demonstrate a lot of resistance to having regular conversations about sex.

We believe that God plan and design for sexuality is perfect, that is why it is crucial to not just have “The Talk” but to have many conversations about the way that God designed sexuality and what are the appropriate ways to express it.