Easter Eggs: Suffer

by Desi Ash

There are days and moments that you will never forget. You won’t forget the moment you held your kids for the first time, your wedding day, or the moment when you heard devastating news (like 9-11). Sometimes there are unexpected hints, “Easter Eggs” that might tip us off that something is coming, other times they come completely out of the blue.

One of the moments I will never forget is the time my mom sat me down and told me that her health was failing and that her doctor gave her five years to live. It happened over Christmas Break from my freshman year in college. The first thought that came to mind was I was dropping out of college and would spend those years with my mom and brothers. I didn’t want to miss out on anything and I wanted to be there to help in any way possible. That is exactly the opposite of what my mom wanted for me. She told me to go back to school and graduate.

The news crushed me. “How could this be? Yes, my mom’s health wasn’t always the greatest, but she can’t die, not yet. God please,” I cried out over and over. I didn’t understand. There were no answers; nothing could ease the emptiness that I was feeling. God seemed distant and the encouraging things people tried to tell me just made me feel worse.

This moment, in the big scheme of things, was just an “Easter Egg”. For the next ten years my mom would be in and out of the hospital, would need surgery but be denied due to the uncertainty of surviving it, be bounced from doctor to doctor looking for answers. Then it happened. The trip to the hospital that seemed like it was the last. A feeding tube put down her nose, her frail body lying in the hospital bed. That wasn’t my mom. My mom was fun and spunky. My mom loved to cook and work with her hands. My heart was breaking and each time I left the room I would stand outside the door and cry because I wasn’t ready to lose her.

Remarkably my mom bounced back. She was able to prove the doctors wrong and today she is in some of the best health of her life. It was a struggle to get through those years; those moments where the unknown was so overwhelming.

What I needed through the struggle of dealing with my mom’s diagnosis was to remember that God knew what it was like to suffer. I wasn’t alone in those feelings.
We get the first “Easter Egg” of this suffering in Psalm 22, where David cries to God in song:

            “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

            “Dogs have surrounded me; a band of evil men has encircled me, they have pierced my hands and my feet.”

            “They divide my garments among them and cast lots for my clothing.”

I wonder if David could grasp the depth of this song. I wonder if he knew that this was a prophecy of what was to come. I wonder if he knew that God was using him in such a bigger way.

Jesus suffered a horrific death. A death that He didn’t deserve yet took anyway so we wouldn’t have to wonder if God has forsaken us.

As I look back and think about the suffering my family faced in the midst of my mom’s failing health, I see God. I see God in the way the bills were paid, there was food on the table, there were good memories made, and ultimately I see God in the fact that my mom is still alive, beating many odds and many doctors’ expectations.

Life has its struggles. Kids don’t come with an instruction manual and you never know what is going to happen in the day to day. Remember, especially this Easter that Jesus suffered. He suffered for you and for me. He suffered so we wouldn’t have to wonder if God has forsaken us. God has a bigger plan for the things that happen. Keep an open eye, for you are not suffering alone.