Get Ready

by Devin Dummel

After the reality had set in that my wife and I were going to become parents for the first time we put in some serious time trying to get ready.  We read books.  We asked questions.  We took notes and prepared everything so that we would be ready.  But the more people I talked to the more I heard, “You’re never fully ready to be a parent”.  

It seemed odd that this phrase would keep popping up over and over again.  I was confident that we were ahead of the curve and would be fully prepared once our baby made his debut.  At the time I shrugged off the idea and believed that it didn’t apply to us, but there may not have been a more true statement shared with us about parenting.  You are never fully ready.

If your experience has been anything like mine, then you know what it’s like to experience some parenting moments where you feel like you’re flying blind.  Sure you’ve read some books and heard your friends tell some stories, but it’s different when it’s you and your kind going through a difficult situation or phase.  We often feel less than equipped to navigate the realities and practicalities of parenting.

While it may be true that you’re never fully ready, the great news is that when it comes to parenting God hasn’t left us on an island.  After reading plenty of books on the topic, I have found that more times than not I already had the best resource for being a great parent.  God’s word – the Bible – is a wealthy source of knowledge not just on parenting but on what it looks like to live your best life.

Paul writing to his friend Timothy said this, “All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

In my experience, I have found these words to be so true.  Through God’s inspired words in scripture, I have had new life breathed into me at every season of my life, and throughout every phase of parenting.   While I could google the latest statistics or strategies about how to raise my child, the best course of action, more often than not, is to turn to scripture to help it train me and my family in what it looks like to live a life that honors God.

My guess is, you probably don’t always feel ready or prepared for the situations that come your way.  But God promises that we will experience training in righteousness – that is training in “right living” and that we will be ready for the good work – the kingdom work – that God puts in front of us.  And I can think of no greater kingdom work for your life than raising your children to find and follow Jesus.

When parenting gets hard many of us will turn to any number of solutions, but the best solution is to turn our hearts and minds to God’s word found in the scriptures.  When we regularly root ourselves in scripture we receive the best kind of training for raising the next generation.  

Checking the Scoreboard

by Devin Dummel

This past weekend my son, who is six-years-old played in his second basketball game.  As you might imagine it was a mess, not only for my son but for every child on his team who has no clue what they are doing.  Being “good parents” (whatever that means) his mother and I kept giving him instructions, trying to help him throughout the game.

We were watching every movement.  “Get that rebound”, “Pass it” and “Quit messing with your socks” were phrases that we shouted over and over during the game.  Our advice seemed to be of little use to him.  As he played I kept watching him and something else began to stand out.  As the game progressed my son kept checking the scoreboard.  Over and over again he would turn around and stare at the digital scoreboard almost as if his very life depended on it.

When he realized how bad things were getting – how badly they were getting beaten; he dropped his head and started to pout.  After the game was over I asked him why he was so upset and he told me that every time he looked at the scoreboard they were losing.

As a parent, I wanted to use that moment to teach him that the scoreboard isn't the only thing that matters, but I was confronted by the reality that often I measure my value and my worth and allow my feelings to be swayed by the scoreboard of life.

My guess is that if you are at all like my wife and I you regularly question if you are doing a good job as a parent.  Maybe you've never said it out loud, but I think the fear of failing as a parent is something we all share.

We all wonder if we are doing what it takes to help them succeed.  We keep our kids involved in everything.  Trying to make sure they have every opportunity to achieve educationally, athletically and socially.  Often at the end of the day, we are tired and exhausted and left wondering if it's all worth it.  Are we really helping them and giving them the best life there is to offer? We are constantly looking at the scoreboard, trying not to be discouraged.

What if while watching the scoreboard we were missing the more important things in life?  What if while we were checking the score we missed out on the best way to parent?  Jesus said, "What good is it for someone to gain the whole world and yet lose their soul" (Matthew 16:26).   What if in trying to give our kids everything we actually lost the only thing that really matters?

There are a lot of important things in life but the most important thing is a saving relationship with Jesus.  When it’s all said and done – that’s the thing that matters the most.  You may or may not be able to afford everything you ever wanted to give your children.  But what you can do is help them discover a relationship with Jesus.

You don't have to be a perfect parent.  You don't have to always check the scoreboard.  You and I need to realize that when we demonstrate how to have a relationship with Jesus, that's the best thing, we could do as parents.  When we live out our faith – openly and honestly with our children – it will never matter what the parenting scoreboard says – we will have won because our children will have seen what it looks like to seek after God with all of our heart, soul, and strength.   There is nothing more valuable and worth your time than to model what it looks like to pursue a relationship with Christ.

Raising kids that WIN at life

by Laura Wise

We’ve all witnessed a child throwing a tantrum—screaming, crying uncontrollably, or even being violent, all because she didn’t get to do what she wanted. These situations can be extremely difficult to handle and often embarrassing for parents. But what do you do when it’s your child that is completely out of control? 

Discovering that your little angel has suddenly grown horns and is no longer as innocent as you thought can be one of the most frustrating moments in parenting, especially if you are caught off guard or when you have no idea what to do.

Most parents understand, that what you do in those difficult situations is crucial to helping your child be successful in life, but many parents do not know where to begin. In fact, most parents don’t think about the necessity of teaching their children self-control until they are face to face with their own child’s wild behavior.

Self-control isn’t just a character trait that some kids have and some kids don’t. We all learn self-control. Which is why self-control is often referred to as a discipline. We have to practice self-control in order to become more in control of ourselves. 

Dictionary.com defines self-control as the control or restraint of oneself and one’s actions/feelings. From a Christian perspective, we can define self-control as saying “no” to ungodliness or worldly passions. The Bible tells everyone to be self-controlled, and when we choose to have the Holy Spirit live within us to guide us, God helps us to maintain self-control. Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), and the fruit of the Spirit are indicators for us to see if we are living Godly lives.

I believe that when we teach our kids self-control we are setting them up to win, and giving them one of the greatest keys to becoming successful in all areas of life. Psychologists and Sociologists have directly linked children with better self-control to things like making better grades in school, thriving socially and making friends easily, managing their time well, being respectful to authority figures and peers, being hard workers, and settings goals to improve or achieve something they desire. Every parent wants their kids to succeed and live fulfilling lives, and when we teach them the Bible principles about self-control we are setting them up for HUGE wins as they mature and transition into adults.

Most parents are already teaching their children self-control because you are teaching them to take care of themselves or work toward goals— like saving money to buy something they want or studying to earn better grades, or even practicing the sport they love to improve their skills. You also teach self-control when you make them eat their vegetables before dessert. However, in order to teach your kids a more complete Biblical definition of self-control, you must first get your kids to understand their own weaknesses and temptations.

Each one of us is different. Some of us are tempted by overeating, greed, gossip, lying, stealing, while others are angered easily and lash out before thinking. Help your children understand that by being aware of what tempts us, we can take our struggles to God. One of the best ways to start is by sharing some things you struggle with. After they understand what their weaknesses and temptations are you can work together to come up with an action plan to handle the temptations and weaknesses when your child is faced with those things because our desires tempt us every day. And know that they trust you because you are their parents, and what you teach them matters. Even if you don’t see immediate results, we are charged to raise them to understand what is right trusting that God will work everything out for His glory.