Friends: Circle of Friendship

By Devin Dummel

When I was in middle school my mom had an uncanny ability to find out all my secrets.  If I was trying to keep something from her, undoubtedly she would find or figure it out.  One thing that I often chose to keep from her was who I was hanging out with.

We all know friendship is important and while I wasn’t hanging out with the worst kids in middle school, I knew there were some kids that my parent’s would prefect I didn’t spend as much time with.  But no matter how much I tried to conceal it, my mom would always be able to tell who I was hanging out with.

On one occasion, I asked her in frustration, “How do you know who I am hanging out with?”.  She said, “Son, I know who you are spending your time with, because I see the changes in you.  When you change who you are hanging out with, it changes things about you.  For example, your haircut, or the clothes you choose, the music you listen to, and the words you use.”

What my mom had come to realize and leverage to help her make good parenting decisions, was the truth that friendships are a very powerful influence. 

Proverbs 27:17 says,   “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”

And just as one friend can make you a better person by “sharpening” you, so too can friendships do the opposite and weaken you to the place where you are just like a dull blade.  The truth is our friends for good or bad will rub off on us.

 So as parents it’s important to make sure that we help our children discover how to navigate all kinds of friendships.  To ensure that the friends who are influencing them the most are the ones who will help them the most.

Maybe the best thing we can do for our children is give them an image that     can be helpful as they think about their friendships.  The picture is one of a bullseye or of concentric circles.

We will refer to this as the Circle of Friendship.  And everyone you know will fall somewhere on the Circles of Friendship.  Our goal is to keep the right kinds of friends in the right kinds of circles.

 

So let’s take a look at the three different circles.

First is the inner ring of the target … and this circle is  called  the …

1.      Circle of  CONFIDENCE.

This circle is characterized by the friends in your life that you have 100% confidence in.  This doesn’t mean that they won’t let you down.  But it means that you have been there and your friendship has withstood some tough things.

It’s typically a smaller circle – where only a few “best friends” enter.  This circle also is one where once someone enters the circle – they usually stay in it – unless they break your trust.

It’s through these friendships that we ask hard questions – share our deepest fears, and turn to when times are tough.

These kinds of friends can be honest with us … even if it hurts our feelings, they will go the extra mile for us … and we would do anything for them as well.

These friends hold your confidence, and you are confident in them.

The middle circle is known as the:  

2.     Circle of INFLUENCE.

This circle is characterized by the friends in your life that you let shape your likes and dislikes.  This is a group that is somewhat larger than the previous circle.  You will spend much of your time with friends from this circle, through school, sports and other activities.

You may find yourself trying new things, and discovering your taste in music and activities, what you wear and what you like through this group of friends.

These friends influence us daily and we also can influence them on a regular basis. 

      Finally, the last circle is the outer circle and it is the …

3.     Circle of CONCERN

      This circle should be the largest by far.  This circle would include anyone you know but that doesn’t hold much influence with you.

      This group is characterized by your godly concern for them.  Meaning you want them to have a good life.  You want them to have a relationship with God.  You would do a lot to help them in a time of need.

      However, you normally don’t interact a ton outside of casual encounters and interaction.  You are not influence by their opinions or beliefs and largely want the best for them in all situations.

      Many of these people you would not consider friends, but are people that you know and are acquainted with.

As parents, it is crucial for us to help our children navigate the Circle of Friendship and put the people they know and consider to be their friends in the right areas – so they have the appropriate amount of influence.

We want to challenge you this week to talk to your son or daughter about their friends.   Help them understand you can still care deeply about someone, and not let them influence you to head down negative paths. 

When we teach our children how to navigate the complex world of friendships not only will we help them now, but we will set them up for success in the future.  Because we all have friends and we are all influenced by our friends.  The question is, are we choosing the right people to be influenced by.