Friends: Circle of Friendship

By Devin Dummel

When I was in middle school my mom had an uncanny ability to find out all my secrets.  If I was trying to keep something from her, undoubtedly she would find or figure it out.  One thing that I often chose to keep from her was who I was hanging out with.

We all know friendship is important and while I wasn’t hanging out with the worst kids in middle school, I knew there were some kids that my parent’s would prefect I didn’t spend as much time with.  But no matter how much I tried to conceal it, my mom would always be able to tell who I was hanging out with.

On one occasion, I asked her in frustration, “How do you know who I am hanging out with?”.  She said, “Son, I know who you are spending your time with, because I see the changes in you.  When you change who you are hanging out with, it changes things about you.  For example, your haircut, or the clothes you choose, the music you listen to, and the words you use.”

What my mom had come to realize and leverage to help her make good parenting decisions, was the truth that friendships are a very powerful influence. 

Proverbs 27:17 says,   “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.”

And just as one friend can make you a better person by “sharpening” you, so too can friendships do the opposite and weaken you to the place where you are just like a dull blade.  The truth is our friends for good or bad will rub off on us.

 So as parents it’s important to make sure that we help our children discover how to navigate all kinds of friendships.  To ensure that the friends who are influencing them the most are the ones who will help them the most.

Maybe the best thing we can do for our children is give them an image that     can be helpful as they think about their friendships.  The picture is one of a bullseye or of concentric circles.

We will refer to this as the Circle of Friendship.  And everyone you know will fall somewhere on the Circles of Friendship.  Our goal is to keep the right kinds of friends in the right kinds of circles.

 

So let’s take a look at the three different circles.

First is the inner ring of the target … and this circle is  called  the …

1.      Circle of  CONFIDENCE.

This circle is characterized by the friends in your life that you have 100% confidence in.  This doesn’t mean that they won’t let you down.  But it means that you have been there and your friendship has withstood some tough things.

It’s typically a smaller circle – where only a few “best friends” enter.  This circle also is one where once someone enters the circle – they usually stay in it – unless they break your trust.

It’s through these friendships that we ask hard questions – share our deepest fears, and turn to when times are tough.

These kinds of friends can be honest with us … even if it hurts our feelings, they will go the extra mile for us … and we would do anything for them as well.

These friends hold your confidence, and you are confident in them.

The middle circle is known as the:  

2.     Circle of INFLUENCE.

This circle is characterized by the friends in your life that you let shape your likes and dislikes.  This is a group that is somewhat larger than the previous circle.  You will spend much of your time with friends from this circle, through school, sports and other activities.

You may find yourself trying new things, and discovering your taste in music and activities, what you wear and what you like through this group of friends.

These friends influence us daily and we also can influence them on a regular basis. 

      Finally, the last circle is the outer circle and it is the …

3.     Circle of CONCERN

      This circle should be the largest by far.  This circle would include anyone you know but that doesn’t hold much influence with you.

      This group is characterized by your godly concern for them.  Meaning you want them to have a good life.  You want them to have a relationship with God.  You would do a lot to help them in a time of need.

      However, you normally don’t interact a ton outside of casual encounters and interaction.  You are not influence by their opinions or beliefs and largely want the best for them in all situations.

      Many of these people you would not consider friends, but are people that you know and are acquainted with.

As parents, it is crucial for us to help our children navigate the Circle of Friendship and put the people they know and consider to be their friends in the right areas – so they have the appropriate amount of influence.

We want to challenge you this week to talk to your son or daughter about their friends.   Help them understand you can still care deeply about someone, and not let them influence you to head down negative paths. 

When we teach our children how to navigate the complex world of friendships not only will we help them now, but we will set them up for success in the future.  Because we all have friends and we are all influenced by our friends.  The question is, are we choosing the right people to be influenced by.

Friends: Being a Good Friend

by Whitney Jones

We all desire friendship. It is a basic human need to want to be with other people. Friends are a necessary part of life. In the world we live in there are positive and negative friends we can surround ourselves with. Proverbs tells us what makes a good friend and how to develop and maintain meaningful friendships.

“A friend loves at all times. He is there to help when trouble comes.” -Proverbs 17:17

As parents it’s our job to help guide our children to finding good friends. And once your child develops good, healthy friendships, you need to help foster those relationships.

So, what should you look for in friends for your child?

Here are a few things to consider:

• ·        Does the friend encourage others in a positive light?
• ·        Is the friend servant minded?
• ·        Does the friend have a good relationship with family?
• ·        Does the friend have similar values as your family?
• ·        Is the friend a Christian or at least being discipled in that path?

These are the kind of friends you want your child hanging out with, a friend that is going to influence your child to be a better person, a friend that brings out the best in your child. A friend that is Christ like.

So, have you given much thought to your child’s friends? 

If not, why not try to get to know the friends that your child spends the most time with, and try and discover what kind of influence they are having in the life of your family.  You can also challenge your child to set the example and be the kind of influencer who encourages, serves and points others to Christ.

Friends: Counterfeit Friends

by Devin Dummel

On February 1, 2001 the police received a call from the Manager at Dairy Queen in Danville, Kentucky.  The manager, after counting the drawer the previous evening, discovered some counterfeit currency.

Upon further investigation, the police determined that a customer succeed in paying for a $2 order with a phony $200 bill featuring the picture of then President George W. Bush.  The fake currency even had a depiction of the White House with a lawn sign saying, “We like broccoli.”

Authorities say the cashier gave the culprit $198 change in authentic currency, stating that “at a distance the counterfeit money looks like a real bill.”  However, no U.S. currency has a picture of Bush, let alone a reference to liking broccoli.   Because there is no actual $200 currency, the culprit is not considered a counterfeiter,  although this “funny money” was able to let the culprit get away with nearly $200 and a bag of onion rings.

Counterfeit money is an interesting thing.  It may be valuable for a bit – depending on how much it looks like the real thing.  But eventually – someone is going to take one of those special markers – and discover that what they are holding isn’t real at all …

It’s a fraud.

The same can be said for counterfeit or fake friends … they may look like real friends until you get in a tough situation and you get thrown under the bus, abandoned, or burned. 

We believe that our friends are one of the greatest influences that we have in our lives.  Because of that truth, it’s vitally important that we help our children understand what healthy friendships look like.  It’s also important for us to help our kids be able to decipher what counterfeit and fake friends look like.

Here are a couple ways you can help your child discover if their friends are the real deal or just a lame imitation of the real thing:

Counterfeit friends consistently demonstrate …

1.     DESTRUCTIVE behavior 

Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”

If your friends are doing things that you know are heading in the wrong direction.  In they are risky and dangerous.  In they are consistently rebellious, pushing the boundaries and maybe even doing things that are illegal.

If they are doing those things, then the truth is they are not your friend.  They do not care about you or what happens to you … if they did, they wouldn’t put you in situations that make you uncomfortable, or that could cause you danger or harm.

If you have a friend who only cares about themselves, or the thrill of pushing the envelope … they are not a real friend.  They are as fake as they come.

Also, counterfeit friends often …

2.     Lack CONVICTION.

 Proverbs 18:24 says this,  One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

If you can’t count on your friends to stand up for what’s right then eventually you will end up in ruins. If our greatest influences are our friends … and if they never stand up for something … then we will fall for anything.

Real friends are friends who listen to the Holy Spirit and are convicted – and they help us stay accountable as well.

Real friends are friends that we give “refrigerator rights”  … what I mean by that is if they walked your house … they wouldn’t have to ask to get in the fridge and grab something to eat or drink.

In the same way that you have friends who you are close enough to get in your fridge … we need to allow our friends … who stand up for what’s right … speak into you lives and help us be who God made us to be.

Provers 27:6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

Meaning – your real friends will call you out, and you may not agree but you can trust them – because you know they have your best interest at heart.

Finally, counterfeit friends …

3.     Lack  MUTUAL concern.

Fake friends normally just care about what you can do for them.   They aren’t too concerned about what you want to do or what you think is right.  They are in charge and you are along for the ride … as long as you are useful to them.

But real friends … care for each other … they stick closer than brothers.   They look out for each other and they sacrifice for each other.

If you have a friend like that … then you know you have a real friend.  Friendship is a two way street, and if you have a friendship that doesn’t feel like it goes both ways … then likely you are stuck with a phony friend.

It’s our responsibility to make sure that the “friends” our kids are hanging out with and being influenced by are the real deal.  We can’t accept every $200 bill that someone hands us.   We need to help the next generation guard their hearts and discover what a real friend looks like.

Proverbs 12:26 says, “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”  Let’s make sure our kids carefully choose who they are surrounded by and let’s help them discover what it means to be a real friend to everyone around them.

Friends: Walk with the Wise

by  Whitney Jones

If you are like me as a parent, then you are always trying to “pick” your child’s friends for them. You want your child to hang out with people that are positive leaders and are making good choices. Let’s face it, your child’s friends are the next big influencer after you. They influence the way they dress, the music they listen to, the way they talk, and even the outlook they have on life. Your child’s friends can either make them or break them. Friendship is very important because it shapes our character.

The book of Proverbs is full of instructions concerning how we can do well and become successful, including instructions on how we should choose our friends. Look at the book of Proverbs as a kind of manual for parenting and guiding your children.

“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.”

-Proverbs 13:20

Here we are instructed that befriending foolish people will bring harm to our lives. On the other hand, seeking out wise friends who live right will bring about blessings in our life.

This Proverb teaches us that friendships shape our character. We tend to take on the character qualities of those we associate most closely with. With this in mind, as parents, we want to make sure the people our children are surrounding themselves with, are the people that have positive character qualities. The same qualities we would want to see in our own children.

To guide your children to surround themselves with positive friends, consider the following strategy:

Talk with your child about which friends are not positive influencers in their life.  Then, have them begin replacing the negative friends with good, positive friends. This might not be easy and it might not happen overnight, but it is necessary to avoid having these people influence them toward negative values. Choosing individuals with positive morals will elevate your child to have higher standards and will help them reach their full potential.

Finally, make sure your child is striving to be a positive friend. You want them to set a strong example and be a light to others. In this way, they will also contribute to others lives and character.