Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Checkpoint #4: Healthy Friendships

by Devin Dummel

When I was younger, I had a friend whose name was Jason and I spent a ton of time at his house.  Jason was a good friend and I had fun with him, but if I’m honest most of the time I went to Jason’s because his house was awesome.

He had a pool and a big screen TV.  We would stay up late and play Nintendo and eat all kind of snacks – like hot pockets and pizza bagels.  It really was the best.
But one thing that put Jason’s house over the top – that made it better than all my other friend’s houses – was Jason’s family had pets.

And I don’t mean your cute kitten, fluffy dog kind of pets – I mean like real pets … weird stuff – like wombats and bullfrogs and lizards.  For a while they even had a really big snake- I think it was a python.

But out of all of the pets that Jason had, my favorite was the Chameleon.  When he first told me what it was I had no idea.  I had never heard of a Chameleon – and I didn’t even know what they did.  But once I saw it – I thought it was one of the coolest things I have ever seen.

Do you know what a Chameleon can do?  A chameleon can change the color and pattern of its skin just based on what it touches.  It has this unbelievable ability to camouflage itself – no matter it’s surroundings.

I’m a “how it works kind of person” so my first reaction to this sort of thing is to figure out how this happens.  How it works is the Chameleon’s skin has a superficial layer which contains pigments, under that layer are special cells that change for various reasons which affect which pigment of light gets reflected.

You know sometimes I think we live our lives like we have Chameleon Skin.  We have this superficial layer, and we adjust what other people see – in order to fit in and convince people to like us and want to be around us.

When you are the Chameleon it’s hard to realize that you keep changing colors, but to everyone else watching it’s really obvious.

My mom used to tell me that she knew exactly who I had been spending my free time with – like what group of friends.  When I asked her how she knew this she said – she would notice how I would talk, or what I would wear.  She would notice how I would change and then she could pin point exactly who I was hanging out with.
My mom picked up on this really big – universal truth … this God principle that is directly connected to friendship. She didn’t put these words to it – but she understood it.  And it’s a truth and principle about friendship that stands the test of time.  And she’s not the first or the last to notice it … Solomon one of the ancient kings of Israel said it this way:

 “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” - Proverbs 13:20 

This week we continue sharing about the seven checkpoints, the key ideas we see as essential to the spiritual foundation for every child. Our next checkpoint is Healthy Friendship.

The people we associate with the most will have a direct impact on the decisions we make and the standards we choose.  Healthy friendships build us up and draw us closer to God; unhealthy friendships bring us down and cause us to compromise what we know is right.

One foundational checkpoint in the life of every child is to discover how to establish healthy friendships and how to navigate out of and around unhealthy ones.

 Solomon understood that those who want to be wise surround themselves with other wise people.  But those who surround themselves with unhealthy friendships will often find frustration, pain, suffering and harm.

The principle behind this truth about friendship is, your friends will determine the direction and the quality of your life.


As a parent you likely know just how true this statement is, and you already are concerned about the friends that your child spends their time with.  Many things will come and go like phases in the life of your child – however the impact a friend has is not one of those things.


We believe that it is crucial to help your child discover what healthy friendships look like and how to form them.  We know that it’s vital to teach them what to do to get out of and avoid unhealthy friendships.   And intuitively we know that what might be of greatest importance is teaching them how to be the friend who helps others find and follow God.


Remember their friends will determine the direction and quality of their life.  So help them choose their friends wisely.

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