Prime Times: Bed Time

By Leah Dummel

My mom tells stories about how when my brother and I were little and she was working full time, along with my dad, trying to raise a family, that she would fall asleep during bedtime books. She would get my brother and I all scrubbed up and teeth brushed and fresh pajamas on and nestled into bed and begin our bedtime stories. She says she would wake up in our beds with my brother and I pleading, “wake up mommy, and please finish the story”!

Parents, RAISE YOUR HAND if you’ve been there!!!!! I know I have! Bedtime can be so absolutely draining. You’ve successfully spent a day working (outside or inside the home), fed your family, kept them all alive, done all the homework and nighttime chores, fed them, bathed them, and tucked them sweetly into their beds.  Mission accomplished – right?

I think sometimes as parents we just want it to end there. If we are all honest sometimes we are a little too eager for the bedtime routine to be over because it means we are FREE! I can remember being very pregnant with our second child and trying to navigate our oldest son’s bedtime. He was around 2 years old and needed all the things…every night.

He wanted all the stories and all the kisses and all the songs and all the snuggles. It would sometimes take hours. I have very vivid memories of waking up to my husband trying to pick me up off of the floor beside the bed where I had fallen asleep while completing bedtime.

It can be a lot.

It can be easy to rush through and miss out on.

But if we are able to push through the exhaustion just a little bit longer, there is so much Jesus to be shared and experienced during bedtime!

Our bedtime routine with our boys is pretty simple and probably pretty generic. Baths, brushing teeth, fresh pajamas, bedtime book, prayers, songs, and snuggles. While all those things in themselves are wonderful, I have been finding that it’s in those in-between moments where the true beauty lies.

We talk about our days. We sneak in extra kisses. We giggle (a lot) at daddy and his antics. We talk about hard things, and how to work through them. The kids ask big questions. They ask to pray…over and over and over. Sometimes we giggle through their prayers because they are so silly (example: “dear God, happy thank you for my toys”) but sometimes we shed tears during their prayers because they are so genuine (example: “dear God, thank you for my family and my brother and for Jesus and I love them all so much”).

Something about the bedtime routine seems to open and soften children’s hearts. You are there with them, and they there with you, totally concentrated on one another without distraction.

Even older children tend to be more vulnerable with their parents at bedtime. A friend of mine says that even though her relationship with her high school aged son has changed with him growing up, that he still asks her to come tuck him in at night. I read somewhere that when you are trying to create a peaceful home, something to remember is “let them remember joy and let them anticipate joy”. This reminds us that when our children are falling gently into the slumbers of sleep that they go with thoughts of joy and love and safety that surrounds them in their home.

You know, my husband and I joke about how I am a very “deep feeler”. He says that I carry around the “weight of empathy”. Sometimes this is a gift and sometimes it’s a curse. Something I feel very deeply and very strongly about it tangibly loving our children like Jesus loves us; and that in doing so when they’re young, will make a huge impact on the way they view God and His love for them when they are older.

So when I think about these “Prime Times” we have been talking about I keep coming back to 2nd Corinthians 4:18 … “for the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”

So while the bedtime tantrums and the asking for another drink of water 100 times and the silly little prayers and the “5 more minutes of snuggles please” oftentimes feel daunting and we just want to be finished parenting for the day and collapse in sweet freedom into our couch, these moments will soon be gone. They will be over before we can even imagine. Just one blink and they will begin to need us less and less.

But he way we react to these moments, the way we don’t rush them through snuggles and prayers, the eye contact we make when they are breaking down their day for us, the authentic answers we give to their hard bedtime questions about life (because they hardest questions always come out right before bed don’t they?), the patience we practice and the grace we give them…the things we can’t see or notice or even realize we are doing, THOSE are the things that will last forever in the hearts of our children. And those are the things we lose sleep over and pray continuously will lead them straight toward the heart of Jesus as they grow up. 

Prime Times: Hang Time

by Desi Ash

I recently watched the movie “I am Sam” again on Netflix. This movie is about a single father, Sam, who has the mental capacity of a seven year old and his daughter Lucy. The movie does a great job of making the viewer fall in love with this father daughter relationship. I feel this movie shows us the importance of families hanging out together.  In a heart breaking scene Lucy, age seven, is reading her assigned reading book and decides to stumble over a word she knows. Sam and Lucy end up arguing over the word and Lucy eventually tells her dad “I don’t wanna read it if you can’t.” Sam responds saying “No, because it makes me happy! It makes me happy hearing you read.” Throughout the movie we see that Sam truly loves his daughter and question if love is all that is needed to raise kids.

Many times throughout the movie it is when Sam and Lucy are just hanging out that Lucy will ask Sam some deep questions, and the same is true for kids today. It is while we are hanging out that kids feel open to be themselves and ask deep questions.

As we have shared many times, there are only so many weeks left until your kid graduates and becomes an adult. The time you get to spend will them is more valuable than anything because you will never be able to get those moments back.

Jesus is a great example of hanging out with others. He hung out with Zacchaeus over dinner. He spent one on one time with the disciples. He loved spending time with children. 

Philippians 2:1-4 from The Message says:

If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

Hanging out with your kids is easy when they are younger. Simply running around the house playing tag or pretend or reading books together is hanging out. As kids get older it can be harder to hang out with your kids. Keep trying; find the special hook that is important to your kids. If you kid is really into the NBA than ask what is going on in the NBA, even if you don’t have any interest or care, the fact that you are asking will mean a lot to your kid and will open the door to get them talking.

The movie “I am Sam” reminds viewers that there is something special about the time we get to hang out with our parents, because when it is gone, no one can replace it. Our kids might not always ask for us to hang out with them, but remember it is important for all kids to have time to hang out with their parents. 

Prime Times: Dinner Time

by Whitney Jones

Another “prime time” you can incorporate into your weekly routine is Dinner Time.

One of the things I remember vividly about growing up was eating dinner together every single night. We all had busy schedules but the one thing my mom made sure of was that we all ate together. 

We had the smallest kitchen and kitchen table but she always made the effort to squish us altogether under one table and eat together. Some nights she would make a full course meal other nights she would make breakfast for dinner and then there were some nights we all ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Dinner time wasn’t fancy and elaborate but it was always there and always with each other.

Now that I have a family of my own, I make a point to make dinner every single night so we all can sit around the table together at the same time. During this time, we pray with each other, eat good food together and share about our day. It is one of my favorite times of the day because we all are present and we all are unplugged from technology, school, or work and we all get to just be together. The conversations aren’t always flowing but we know it’s a safe place to be and share. My oldest opens up the most when we are eating dinner together (and it’s not always easy to get a 13 year old to talk!).

Some evenings are harder than others for us all to be present whether the kids have sports activities or work or life getting in the way but for the most part our family tries to leverage the time we spend around the table by intentionally being with each other. In Hebrews 10:25 it says, “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” As a family you should always be gathering together to share your faith and love for each other to strengthen one another.

Most families in this day and age don’t farm together, play musical instruments or stitch quilts on the porch. So dinner is the most reliable way for families to connect and find out what’s going on with each other. 

In a survey, American teens were asked when they were most likely to talk with their parents: dinner was their top answer. Kids who eat dinner with their parents experience less stress and have a better relationship with them. This daily mealtime connection is crucial during these teen years.

There is nothing better for a person than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God. For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him? (Ecclesiastes 2:24-25 NLT)

Solomon is encouraging us to take pleasure in what we’re doing now and enjoy life because it comes from God’s hand. True enjoyment in life comes only as we follow God’s guidelines for living. Without him, satisfaction is a lost search. Those who really know how to enjoy life are the ones who take life each day as a gift from God, thanking him for it and serving him in it.

So as you eat dinner each day with your family, take the time to live in that small moment. Whether you are sitting at the kitchen table or outside on a picnic blanket, enjoy those moments with your family. You only get these moments once and time is a limited resource and you don’t want to miss it.

Prime Times: The First 15

by Devin Dummel

We have an unspoken rule in our home, and it has to do with how we behave and interact once our day is done.  I refer to it as “The First 15 Rule” – and simply put we decide to be intentional about how we spend those first 15 minutes that we are together as a family.

Life is crazy and if your family is anything like ours then you have all kinds of activities, responsibilities and expectations pulling you in different directions.  On their own each of these things are great, but when you allow them all to play out at the same time, there is often little room left for quality time.

Psalm 90:12 is a prayer that says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”  The reality is our time on earth is short, and it’s easy to get distracted by good things and miss the best things.  That’s why we try to use our first 15 minutes together as a family wisely.

Our “First 15” are spent device free.  The television is off.  The phones are on silent.  Our focus isn’t on any outside distraction but totally on each other.  Our kids are pretty young right now, so our “First 15” start with the same types of questions:

• How was your day?
• Did you do anything fun or exciting?
• What did you learn today at school?
• Who did you play with?
• How was your heart?

My wife and I make it a point to ask our boys these types of questions each day.  We dig in and ask follow up questions to learn more about who they are spending time with, what kind of activates they are enjoying and overall how their behavior was while they were at school or the sitter’s.

After connecting with our children, we turn them loose to play with their toys.  But before we turn to other responsibilities – like dinner, laundry, etc.  – we turn our hearts to one another.

It’s easy to miss this moment if you are always running kids every direction.  You feel like you are always on a shot clock, just counting down the minutes left on each activity on your schedule.  While keeping your kids on schedule is important, perhaps the best thing you can do for your family is to make sure you take time for your marriage during those “First 15”.

Take time to make sure your spouse knows how much you care about them and about their heart as well.  Life isn’t just about the kids and their activities.  A healthy relationship between mom and dad is a solid foundation to raise a family on.  You must make time for each other, and it needs to be strategic. 

By taking time as soon as you get home to connect and communicate – you verify that what is most important is your spouse and your family.  Work can wait.  The game can wait.  Picking up and cleaning up can wait.  But what matters most are the bonds that are formed and affirmed each day when you come back together.

In the season of life you are in, you may feel like you don’t have a ton of time to pour into “date nights”.  It may not be cost efficient to fork our $100 or more for dinner and a movie.  But what you can do is make sure that you strategically number your days, by making the “First 15” minutes back together about building each other up and working together.

Prime Times: Drive Time

by Desi Ash

The next “prime time” you can utilize in your normal routine is Drive Time.

Growing up my brothers and I were always involved in something and my mom would joke that she was at times more a taxi driver than a mom. As a kid I would laugh and say something along the lines of well someone has to take us where we need to go. One thing my mom made sure to do when she was our “taxi driver” was to engage in conversation about our day or the practice we just left. This taught me to make good use of my time behind the wheel.

A 2016 survey released from the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety reported that drivers traveled nearly 10,900 miles on average and spent more than 290 hours on the road.

So according to this study, on average as drivers we are spending roughly an hour a day behind the wheel. Of that hour how often are your kids in the car with you?

How are you using that hour to strategically set up your kids for success?

Technology has not only made it easy, but has encouraged the world to spend time in front of a screen. This is true in cars. Cars now have built in DVD players and iPod chargers and Bluetooth to connect directly to your phone for hands free calling.  

What if instead of everyone doing their own thing in the car, the car was used to engage with each other? What if instead of jamming out to music you spent time listening to what God is trying to tell you? What if instead of being bummed out to play “taxi driver” you instead took the time to get to know the hard stuff about being a kid?

If we shifted our mindset of our time behind the wheel, especially when our kids are in the car our drive time could become a time the whole family looks forward to.

Deuteronomy 6:7-9 from The Message states:

Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.

If I could add to this passage, I would add, talk about them in the car and inscribe them on the back of the headrests in your car.

I am not saying that jamming out to the oldies or watching a movie on a long road trip is wrong. I am saying that there are times when we are able to take advantage of being in an enclosed place with our kids that will make a difference in their lives.

Here are some tips to get your kids saying more than “it was fine”

• ·        Ask open ended questions. Instead of asking how their day was try asking what was the best or worst part of their day
  
• ·        Ask questions specific to where you are traveling to. If on your way to a practice ask one thing they hope to accomplish or hope they get to do.

Have little ones? Try some of these conversation starters

• ·        Let’s see how many different things God created on our way…
  
• ·        Teach them worship songs or scriptures by having them repeat after you

Spend lots of time traveling alone? Try spending time doing the following:

• ·        Pray for you family, as mentioned in last week’s post
  
• ·        Pray for the world, specifically the area you are traveling through
  
• ·        Jam out to a worship song, singing praise to God
  
• ·        Spend time in silence listening to God speak
  

The hour a day we spend behind the wheel doesn’t need to be dreaded, doesn’t need to be stressful. It can be a time used to engage with our kids and our heavenly Father.

Prime Times: Prayer Time

By Devin Dummel

We all know time is a limited resource.  This truth is one you discover quickly as a parent.  One moment you’re holding your bundle of joy wrapped tightly in your arms, the next you are helping them unpack for college.  As we say a lot around here, “It’s just a phase, so don’t miss it”.

Over the next few weeks, it’s our goal to help you capitalize on the time that you have to positively impact the lives of your children and the Next Generation.   In our next set of posts we will highlight some key times in your normal routine that when used strategically and wisely will ensure the future success of your child. 

The first strategic or “prime time” you can utilize is: Prayer Time.

Now later on we will talk about praying with your children.  But in this post we want to discuss how valuable it is to spend time in prayer FOR your children. 

Prayer is an important spiritual discipline and it can be easier for some than for others.  You may have a rich tradition of prayer in your family, or the extent to which your family prays right now might be to say grace before a meal.  Whatever your circumstance – it’s important to know that prayer is a crucial element to the life of a believer.

Through prayer God stretches us and grows us.  Prayer is our connection directly to God.  While He knows our thoughts and our hearts, He wants nothing more than to hear directly from us.  Put simply prayer is a conversation with God.

Scripture tells us that:

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.  (1 John 5:14)

No matter if you feel like you are “good” at prayer or if you are just struggling your way through - the beautiful truth is God hears our prayers.  And the important thing isn’t how you pray – because there is not a “right” and a “wrong” way to talk to God. 

You can pray first thing in the morning.  You can pray on your drive to work (please keep your eyes open if you choose to do this).  You can pray for long periods of time or you can pray one sentence at a time.  You could even use the monthly Prayer Calendar tool that we’ve developed (CLICK HERE).  It doesn’t matter how you pray – what matters is that you choose to pray.

If you are anything like us, than most of what concerns you or worries you has to do with your children.  My wife spends time worrying about if they’ve had too much “screen time” or if they’ve eaten enough vegetables.    We discuss if they should be doing swim lessons or if they are ready to have a sleep over.  I even catch myself daily praying, “God, please don’t let me screw these kids up!”

If you are looking for one way that you can immediately make a difference in the life of your child, or in your family – taking advantage of the power of prayer could be just the thing you can do right now to make a big impact.

Paul told the believers in Philippi:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  (Philippians 4:6-7)

Time is a limited resource, free yourself and your family from the burden of worry and anxiety.  Spend time in prayer, talking to the Father about everything you are worried about.  Pray for your children – their current choices and their future decisions.  Leverage the prayer time in your life and let the peace of God rule in your heart and mind.

Things Every Child Should Hear: You're Responsible

by Whitney Jones

I think almost all parents would say that one of the traits they would like their child to have now and when they are an adult is to “be responsible”. This is a broad term that can mean many different things. It can mean, being dependable so people know they can count on you or being a contributing member of your family. It can mean, being accountable for your own behavior and doing something to the best of your ability.

Every child needs to know how to be responsible. Children develop self-confidence, feel valuable, and learn important skills when given responsibilities. 

Being responsible is key to children’s success both now and when they grow up.

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Teaching kids about responsibility isn't easy -- but what part of parenting is? It can take years and lots of practice. So how can you as a parent make sure that you are raising a responsible child who then grows into a responsible adult?

First, make sure you are creating opportunities for responsible behavior at home. Household chores can be the perfect arena for teaching responsibility. Parents often feel that their young children aren’t old enough to accomplish many household tasks. Do not underestimate your child’s abilities while teaching children responsibility. My one year old has a handful of responsibilities around the house that she is proud to do! She helps me put the washed clothes in the dryer, she helps me rinse the soapy dishes, she holds the dust pan for me and empties in the trash when I’m sweeping. Find something small that they are already interested in doing and allow them to help you with that task. If they are learning to do these small tasks at 1 and 2 years old then when they are 12 and 13 years old, they will be taking ownership of these things around the house.

Giving your child responsibility helps them feel like part of a family and that they are contributing. I often explain to my 13 year old that because we are a family she is expected to do her share of the work.  Giving your children jobs makes them feel needed and helps in developing self-motivation. It teaches valuable skills and prepares them for adult hood. A child who has accomplished responsibilities within the home will be a better employee and will be more responsible in all areas of life.

Next, teaching responsibility often means stepping back. This one is sometimes the hardest for me. When my teenager leaves her swim cap in her room and has already left for swim practice, my natural motherly instinct is to take it to her. But I have learned that stepping back also means I have to watch her “fail” once in a while, which will help her build responsibility.

Lastly, your own habits are key to teaching responsibility. Perhaps the most effective way of teaching responsibility is modeling conscientious behavior yourself. 

Colossians 3:23-24 says, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”

We should show our kids and teach our kids to do everything as if we are doing it for the Lord. Whether it’s taking the dog out or making dinner for the family, we should do these tasks without complaining and treat it as an act of service to God. In turn our children will see our behavior and model that same behavior.