Affirmation: Physical Touch

by Devin Dummel

I never knew a kiss could be so powerful.  Raising two boys is immensely challenging and immeasurably fun.  Every day we are creating new worlds with our imaginations, telling stories and becoming heroes.

But as you would expect with all of the saving of the worlds we create together, our boys manage to find themselves in some pretty dangerous situations.  The end result: lots of bumps, bruises, scrapes and cuts.

What we have discovered, as we have learned to parent, courageous and clumsy boys is when the tears start to flow, most of the time all their wounds need is just one perfectly placed kiss from mom or dad.  After that, we are transported back to a land of make believe, and back to our adventures.

Humanity has long known the emotional power of physical touch. It’s something that’s built into our DNA. That's why we pick up babies and touch them tenderly.  That’s why we rock them for hours on end.  And, yes that’s why our magic kisses can heal most wounds.  Long before an infant understands the meaning of the word love, he or she feels loved by physical touch.

The benefits of physical touch have been extensively studied.  Findings have shown that physical touch reduces stress and relieves pain.   These studies have also shown that physical touch is one way in which all people young and old find comfort and affirmation.

When your child is young it can be much easier to affirm them through physical touch.  It’s easier to hold, carry and rock a three year old than a thirteen year old.  But just because your child is growing up, it doesn’t mean that they don’t need to be affirmed by your loving touch.

From high fives to hugs, wrestling to racing, and sports to snuggling – there are so many ways for parents to affirm their children through physical touch.  These actions of affirmation remind your child that:

·        They are liked and loved.

·        They are not alone.

·        They have someone who will spend time with them.

·        That they are accepted just the way they are.

I know there will come a day, when my boys are tired of playing pretend adventures with me.  I know a day is coming when they will no longer want my kisses.   I am aware that there will be a time where I can’t kiss or hug the pain away from their lives.

But I am committed to making sure that a day will not come  where they will question that I love them, where they wonder if they are alone, where they feel as if they don’t matter, or that they need to change who they are to have my love and support.

For now it’s hugs and magic kisses.  Before long it will be playing catch and shooting baskets.  And someday (hopefully a lifetime away from now) it will be a lasting embrace as I say goodbye after a wonderfully long day of playing pretend adventures with my grandchildren. 

Value: Receving Gifts

by Devin Dummel

This past week, I had plans to be out of the office for a couple of days.  So I made preparations.  I was intentional about working ahead and communicating all that needed to be done while I was gone.  Before I left, I made sure to spend some extra time with my kids and my wife.  Everything was ready and in place and I was prepared to be gone, but before I was able to get on the road and get out of dodge, something unexpected happened.

I received a gift. 

I didn’t know that it was going to happen; I didn’t plan on getting a gift.  But there it was anyway sitting on my desk waiting for me to open. 

But this gift wasn’t just any gift … this gift came with instructions.  This gift had multiple envelopes and multiple parcels and each piece was to be opened at a specific time while I was away.  And the most impressive thing was that this gift was just for me.

I have to be honest this gift was amazing, but it wasn’t anything over the top exciting.  From someone else’s point of view some snacks and toys wouldn’t mean much; but for me this gift meant a great deal.

This gift was given with thought and love and care.  It encouraged me and it nourished me.  It reminded me of the impact I’ve had and it spoke truth into my life.  In the end it affirmed me and appreciated me and it gave me value.

This month we are focusing on the key areas in Gary Chapman’s book, Five Love Languages.  And it shouldn’t be a surprise that receiving gifts is one way that many people experience and feel love.  Gifts given (no matter their monetary value) remind us that we are worth something, and that we each have value in the eyes of someone else.

In regards to our children, we often can forget the impact that a thoughtful or timely gift could have.  We assume children know we love them by putting a roof over their head, clothes on their bodies, and food in their bellies.  But there are times when each of our children will need to feel appreciated, and will need to know how much they are valued.

What we are not talking about is buying them everything they’ve ever wanted because they think you aren’t paying enough attention to them.  We suggest focusing on giving gifts that mean something on a deeper level.

If the gift took you time to make, consider, plan or prepare – then it probably will make an impact.  If the gift is specific to them, their tastes, their quirks and their interests; it can be something that they look back on fondly and remember how much you care and how much you love them.

This kind of giving isn’t just good for the one receiving the gifts; it’s also good for the one giving the gifts.  It allows you as the gift giver to focus attention on something far more valuable then what often steals your time.  It allows you to connect on a deeper level and form a bond that can help you navigate the ups and downs of everyday live together.  And it helps you, the parent, model and teach what it looks like to be thoughtful and compassionate.  It teaches your children that not all gifts cost money and that sometimes the most valuable thing you can give is your support, your love and your affirmation.

Your child’s main love language may not be “receiving gifts”  but we have never met any child who doesn’t like getting presents.  So our challenge to you this week is to think of ways that you can give some creative gifts – remind your children how important they are and how much you love them.  Help them discover the value they have not just in your eyes, but in their heavenly Father’s eyes as well.

Encourage: Words of Affirmation

by Desi Ash

In his book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman, talks about five different ways people feel love and encouragement; those being physical touch, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, and receiving gifts. Each week this month we will explore these and how we can use them to encourage others in our lives.

This week we are focusing on at Words of Affirmation:

Did you know that, researches argue it takes 5 to 10 positive comments to outweigh one negative one?  When you start to think about it, that’s a pretty staggering statistic.  It could be just one of the reasons why our words matter so much.

In high school I had the honor to play Taps at the Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day celebrations. The first time I played was sophomore year at the Veteran’s Day Celebration. Most people went home following the parade, so the crowd for the ceremony was lightly attended. As I sat through the program waiting for my cue, my nerves began to grow. My cue came and I snapped to attention. There was a pause, a command, a slight pause, and then the guns are fired. I waited, remembering everything I’ve learned, and play Taps, those 21 notes flowing out with ease. There was a closing word and the ceremony ended. Afterward, I breathed a sigh of relief and started packing up my trumpet. An elderly man, a Veteran, approached me and said with a tear in his eye “That was beautiful. Thank you.”

Those five words meant the world to me.  Here are some other words of affirmation that have made an impact on my life:

“You are a success. You are worth it.”

“I’ve always had your back and that isn’t going to change.”

“Thanks for helping me when I needed it most.”

Those words not only encourage me, they make me feel loved. There are times when honest and kind words can mean more than anything anyone could ever do.

Using words of affirmation is more than notes, phone calls, or great meaningful conversations. It is about the time and thought put into those words. For someone who is filled up with words of affirmation, those words, positive or negative, speak louder than actions!

If it’s true that it takes up to 10 positive comments to outweigh a negative one, then we must be intentional about how we use our words.  It’s not enough just to react and try to encourage here or there.  We must focus on building up others, especially the next generation.

Take a moment and examine your words.  How are you talking to those around you?  How are you interacting with your family?

Are you filling your kids up with positive comments or negative ones? How can you include more positive comments in your parenting instead of negative ones?  It’s a tough challenge but it is one worth taking; and that’s why we want to help you.

The Box of Encouragement is our newest parent resource.  We hope it will be a tool for your family to start outnumbering the negative with the positive.  And all you have to do is encourage each other with your words.  This month, take the time to really think about the words you use towards your family members.

Here are a few prompts to help you form deeper, more meaningful words:

I appreciate that you . . .

I couldn’t ___ today if it weren’t for you . . .

I am thankful that you . . .

I’m glad to have you as my (mom, sister, friend, etc.) because . . .

I believe in you because . . .

It impressed me when you . . .

I’m so thankful to have you in my life because . . .

I wish I could ___ the way you do.

I’m proud of you for . . .

 

Go ahead – give it a shot.  Start looking for ways to encourage each other through your words, instead of finding something to complain about.  I promise you; just a small word of encouragement can make a huge difference.

James & the Resurrection

by Devin Dummel

No the title is not a typo.  I am very aware that it was Jesus who resurrected on Easter Sunday.  I know that the woman didn’t come to find Jim, Jimmy or James.  But while the empty tomb is a powerful image, I find something so compelling in the life of James that I can’t ignore it.

 

James is compelling to me because James didn’t always believe that Jesus was Lord.  What you probably don’t know about this guy named James – is that he wasn’t just some guy.    The first place we hear about James is in the book of Matthew:

 

“And coming to his hometown he taught them in their synagogue, so that they were astonished, and said, “Where did this man get this wisdom and these mighty works?  Is not this the carpenter’s son?  Is not his mother called Mary?  And are not his brothers James and Joseph and Simon and Judas?   - Matthew 13:54-55

 

James was Jesus’ brother.  He had known Jesus his whole life.  He had been around him and lived with him and knew all the things that brothers know.

Let’s be honest about brothers and sisters …We love them … like really love them.  But we also think they are knuckleheads.   I mean don’t get me wrong they are awesome … but sometimes aren’t they awful?  They are the best in the world – but also the most annoying in the world.

Why is it this way?

Let me tell you why – we love our brother/sister but we also think they are a knucklehead …. because we really know them.  And that’s James …he really knew his brother Jesus.

So after watching his brother grow up and sharing life with him let’s see what James thought about Jesus’ ministry.

 

“Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat.  When his family heard about this they, went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.”    - Mark 3:20-21

 

So as Jesus’ ministry and his popularity started to take off – his brother who knew him well decided to put a stop to what was going on.

James and Jesus’ other brothers come to physically take Jesus because they thought he had gone crazy – they thought he was nuts.  And they didn’t keep this information to themselves – they told the crowd trying to dissuade them from following their brother.

Not a great endorsement for Jesus – knowing that not even his own brothers believed in him.”

So clearly we see that James is a skeptic … from our first introduction to him all the way through Jesus’ ministry – there is one clear message about James …

He doesn’t buy it .

So knowing this about James we have to be interested in what he has to say about Jesus following his death, burial and supposed Resurrection.  We know that James is a straight shooter and will tell us how it is.

 

“James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes in the dispersion: greetings”  - James 1:1

 

Did you catch it?  “James, a servant … of Jesus Christ”.  So how does that happen?  How does James go from skeptic to servant?  How does James move from mocking Jesus to being one of the key leaders of the early church?  How does he go from doubting Jesus’ sanity to boldly proclaiming his faith for Jesus?

James had a radical change of his identity from being skeptic of Jesus to a servant of Jesus – how did this happen?

What changed everything for James?

Here is what happened:

 

“For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Peter, then to the twelve.  Then he appeared to more than five hundred brothers at one time … then he appeared to James …”    1 Corinthians 15:3-7

 

 

How did James change from skeptic to servant?  Once simply answer …

 

The Resurrection!  James had a personal encounter with the risen Jesus.  And it changed everything for him!

 

 IT’S THE POWER OF THE RESURRECTION THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING.

The resurrection of Jesus can change you and your most skeptical friends.  When James realized who his brother was, it changed everything about him. James understood that if this man Jesus really is God, then what the Scriptures say about Him are true.

There are many ways in which to go about defending the reality of the Resurrection.  Personally, I don’t need a lot of scientific or logical arguments.  I just need James.  His transformed life becomes all the evidence I need for the resurrection.

The question is, “Has your life been changed in such a way by the power of the resurrection, that it is the only evidence others will need?

Crux

by Desi Ash

Jesus lived a sinless life; He healed the sick, He spent time with the outcasts, He loved without judgment.

Jesus. Was. Perfect. There was no fault in Him and yet,

This perfect man died a gruesome death.

Then they spit in his face and struck him with their fists. Others slapped him (Matthew 26:67)

Then Pilate took Jesus and had him flogged. The soldiers twisted together a crown of thorns and put it on his head. They clothed him in a purple robe and went up to him again and again, saying, “Hail, king of the Jews!” And they slapped him in the face. (John 19:1-3)

The soldiers led Jesus away into the palace (that is, the Praetorium) and called together the whole company of soldiers. They put a purple robe on him, then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on him. And they began to call out to him, “Hail, king of the Jews!” Again and again they struck him on the head with a staff and spit on him. Falling on their knees, they paid homage to him. And when they had mocked him, they took off the purple robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him out to crucify him. (Mark 15:16-20)

Jesus is degraded; He is mocked, spit on, slapped, and flogged. An image we don’t often picture when we think of Jesus.

 

Easter calls for us to remember this image. Remember the suffering Jesus had to endure. Remember the awful death He died.

 

And Easter calls for us to respond.

 

The Jew responded with telling Pilate to “Crucify him.” Pilate tried many times to get them to change their mind but their response stayed the same.

 

So the question remains …

 

How are you going to respond? How HAVE you responded in the past?

 

Often our response isn’t to the cringe-worthy image of the cross, but rather to the handsome looking rabbi teaching children on his knee.

 

And while that response is fine –it’s ok.  There is nothing wrong with going to church.  There is nothing wrong with being a nice person.  There is nothing wrong with responding to that image of Jesus.

 

But it neglects another side of Jesus all together.  And it begs us to ask the question, did Jesus die a cringe worthy death for us to just be nice people?

 

Is the cross about convincing us to be better or is about something else?

 

I think the cross is about so much more.  I think it’s about more than just being a good Christian … I think the cross is about sacrifice.

 

I think that through the cross Jesus is calling us to a life of sacrifice.  Asking us to be the Kingdom Worker He has called us to be.

 

And while there’s nothing wrong with being a “good Christian” I’m not sure it’s really helping us all that much; because the next generation is looking to us to see how we respond.

 

Your kids are watching. They have seen how you have responded to Easter in the past and they are waiting to see how you will respond to Easter this year.

 

This year as you respond to Easter, think about this…

            Would I be okay, if my kid responded the exact say way?

If not, than challenge your response. Not only is your relationship with God depending on it, your kid’s relationship with God is depending on it.

 

Breaking Bread

by Desi Ash


A meal.

When I was growing up dinner time was a big deal. Let me paint you a picture of a typical night:

    ·        One of the four kids, me or my brothers, would be picked to clear and set the table. From plates and silverware to getting everyone’s drinks.

·        Mom would bring the food to the table and whoever was lucky would get to tell everyone else it was time to eat.

·        We ALWAYS had to wash our hands before dinner and we couldn’t take a bite until everyone was seated and served. Then we would eat and share stories of our day and no one could leave the table until everyone was done eating and you asked to be excused.

·        After permission was granted you took your table settings to the kitchen. Then one unlucky kid had to help load the dishwasher and clear the table.

This was dinner, every night, that same routine.

A meal.

Jesus knew that His arrest and death were coming and He took the time to have a meal with His disciples.

We don’t know all the details of the Last Supper, but we do know that Jesus sat around a table and celebrated the Passover with his disciples.

·        The disciples found the house and got prepared for the Passover.

·        The disciples possibly fought over who was going to sit where and argued over seconds.

·        I’m sure they laughed together and enjoyed being in the moment.

·        They closed with what we know as Communion and a hymn.

A meal.

In middle school our meal routine changed. The schedule with four kids was pretty busy with someone needing to be somewhere every night of the week. Instead of the every night routine it became Sunday dinner that was special and followed the routine.

Then before I knew it family dinner didn’t exist. The family dynamic had changed; between my dad moving out and my older brother graduating, to sports, music, and friends becoming so important. Dinner became a time where you ate maybe with one other person, sometimes by yourself, and hardly ever as the family.

A meal.

The Last Supper. The last time Jesus would gather around a table with His best friends. The last time they would be together as that group. Life for the disciples was about to dramatically change.  

We don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

In the craziness of life- the schedules of your children, meeting work deadlines, keeping in touch with family and friends- sometimes the simple things can be forgotten.

This week, as we prepare for Easter, follow Jesus’ example; hit pause on life, clear off the table, and have a meal together. Don’t put it off until next week because there won’t always be a tomorrow. Before you know it your kids will be graduating and starting life on their own.  

Once you get everyone around the table, you can use some of these discussion starters to help get your kids to open up and talk.

Discussion starters:

·        What was the best (or worst) thing that happened today?

·        What’s your most embarrassing moment of the day?

·        If you had $100 (or $1000, etc) to spend, how would you spend it?

·        What are three things that you are grateful for today?

·        How can we be praying for you?

Triumph: You are awesome, even when you don't feel like it

by Devin Dummel

As we enter into the Easter season we will take a look at some of the moments of the Easter story and connect them to everyday life.

The next day the great crowd that had come for the festival heard that Jesus was on his way to Jerusalem. They took palm branches and went out to meet him, shouting, “Hosanna!  Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!  Blessed is the king of Israel!”   - John 12:12-13

Can you picture this moment?  I’m sure the image that most of us have of the “triumphal entry” of Jesus into Jerusalem isn’t totally accurate.  But what I am sure of is that as Parents most of us probably can relate to what Jesus was feeling in that moment.

While the moments of “triumph” in parenting may be few and far between - nothing can compare to the feeling of your kids recognizing how awesome you really are.  Because let’s be honest – you are awesome … even when you don’t feel like it.

You are the one who kisses every “boo-boo”.  You are the strongest dad in the whole world.  You are the one who they cling to when they are scared.  And it’s your bed that they run too when they just aren’t feeling like themselves.  You are awesome … and in those instances when your children recognize it, there is nothing that feels better.

What’s amazing about the story of Jesus’ triumphal entry is we know that just a few days later – some of the same people who are singing his praises will be clamoring for demise.

And maybe as a parent you know that feeling too.  “It’s not fair!”  “I can’t believe you would do that!”  “Get out of my room!”  “I hate you!”  It’s amazing when your kids see how awesome you are.  It’s soul crushing when they turn on you.

But even in the face of his own children disowning Him, God chose out of His great love for us to give of himself.  To sacrifice what He deserved and what He wanted so that we could be forgiven.

And isn’t that the real triumph in this story – not that Jesus was rightly praised during the triumphal entry … but that even after his children neglected who He was, He still demonstrated great love for them.

That is a story of triumph!  That story is also your story.  You love and sacrifice and give even when you don’t feel like it.  And in doing so - you triumph.

In doing so you show your children the same love that God has for us …. And that is something worthy of getting some praise.

You are awesome!  Keep loving, keep forgiving and keep sacrificing – and in the end you will see your kids triumph as well.