Numbering Our Days: 4 Ways to Make the Most of Every Moment

 If you have children then you know what they say is true.  “Time flies”. 

One day you are holding your bundle of joy in a hospital room, the next you are celebrating a birthday, graduation, or wedding. 


And in those moments when you take the brief opportunity to pause you wonder, “where did the time go?”

The one fleeting thing is this life is time.  You can do many things to gain more of what’s valuable.  You can work harder, dedicate yourself, and sacrifice more.  But the one thing you can’t get more of is time.

It’s limited.  It’s finite.  You have it … and then you don’t.

The struggle is trying to make sure you don’t miss the important moments.  Because once they’re gone, you can never get them back.

I came across Psalm 90:12 a few months ago, and it’s a scripture that has stuck with me and has become a sort of mantra for our family.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.”  (NASB)

“Teach us to number our days” … what a wise request.  This is prayer that we all could get behind and make part of our daily and weekly prayers.   God teach us to make each day count.  God teach us to number our days.

As I have thought more about this verse I’ve been convicted of how much of life I miss – of how many days I’ve forgotten to number and now they are lost … frozen in time.  I am unable to get them back, and so I am motivated to make each day I have with my family, with my ministry, in this life count.

Here are some ideas to help you if you are struggling to number your days:

 

1.              Commit to Reminders

It’s hard for me to remember everything that I want to.  Even in my work life I ask people to e-mail or text me so that I don’t forget.  I have lists upon lists on my desk.  I even use two whiteboards to keep track of all of the plates that I have to spin.  These tools serve as reminders for me at work so why not develop and commit to tools to help me remember more important things.

I’m a very visual person – so our reminders are marbles.  I have a couple of jars of marbles that are very important to me.  The two I have at home represent both of my boys.  In each jar is the same number of marbles as there are weeks until their next birthday.  Each week I take one marble out from each jar to remind myself to number my days.  I carry these marbles in my pocket all week.  Every time I reach in my pocket for my keys, for cash, for a pen … I also touch those marbles and it reminds me of the most important part of my day.

Your reminder doesn’t have to be marbles.  It could be a strategically placed note.  It could be photos it key places.  Whatever it is, I encourage you to find a good reminder for you, and commit to it.  Allow that reminder to be a trigger point for you to number your days.

 

2.              Make Work Wait.

All too often I find myself asking my family to wait because of work.  I convince myself that I’m needed and the deadlines are important and that in the end it’s for them anyways.  But the truth is sometimes work just needs to wait.   The clients will be there in the morning.  The paperwork won’t mind waiting until the next day.  If you want to be a person who is wise and who numbers their days, then somewhere you need to draw a boundary and say to work – “Sorry, you are just going to have to wait.”

 

3.             Become a Hands Free Home

Technology is an important part of our culture.  And technology is awesome.  Cars that drive themselves, paying for things with your cell phone, and Taco Bell delivery … let’s be honest technology is pretty impressive.  But there is a dark side to all of this technology and I think most of us are at least aware of it.

While we think we are using technology to connect with the world in better ways – what we are really doing is disconnecting from the people that matter the most to us.  While we can see what our high school and college buddies had for dinner we forget that our children are sitting across from us at the dinner table waiting for us to be with them.

It seems in an effort to always be connected we always have something in our hands.  I want to challenge you to make your home a “Hands Free Home”.  When you come home set down the phone, iPad, computer and remote.  Find a basket and have everyone put their phones in it until your time as a family is done for the evening.  Take away the distractions and allow your family to enjoy each moment.

 

4.             Appreciate the Beauty of a Moment

Each moment is beautiful, even the mundane moments.  We forget this truth that there is beauty in each and every moment.  We let our mind wander to other things, responsibilities, projects, desires and in the process miss what is happening right in front of us.

Here’s an example:  I love football.  Every little nuance about it is interesting to me from blocking, to play calling to coverages.  I can watch every second of every game on the weekend and just be totally content.  The other day I was watching football, totally engrossed in it when my three-year-old started asking me questions.

“Are those the Chiefs?”  “Are they talking about the Quarterback?”  “Who are the red ones?”  “Why are they wrestling?”  “What are they trying to do?”

If you have ever been around a three-year-old then you understand how these rapid fire questions come at you and you feel like there is no end.  And you feel like every answer you give leads to another dreaded question …. “Why?”. And while my son was hammering me with question after question, I started to get a little flustered.   But then I saw the beauty of the moment.

 

All I wanted to do was watch football.  But then I realized he was getting into it.  He was remembering things we talked about weeks ago.  He wanted to know who to cheer for and who to cheer against.  He wanted to be like daddy and spend time doing what daddy wanted to do.  It was a beautiful moment, maybe the best moment of my weekend.  And I’m so glad I didn’t miss it.

 

Make sure you are capturing the beauty of each moment … you only get a handful of them.  You never know if you will ever get the same chance again.

 

I’m so glad that as a family we have started to number our days.  It’s not an easy thing to do, but I believe it’s totally worth doing.  I feel like we have a new appreciation for life and all of the things that God has blessed us with.  And so I know that I’m going to commit to having marbles in my pockets, making work wait, being a hands free home, and trying to appreciate the beauty of every moment.  It’s my prayer that you will be able to do the same.

Bigger and Better

It has become one of the best events we do every year.  The concept is really simple. 

The outcomes are hilarious.  And our annual “Bigger and Better” event serves as a great reminder that you don’t need much to have a ton of fun.

If you’ve never participated in “Bigger and Better or had a group of teenagers show up at your doorstep unannounced while playing the beloved game, then let me explain the basics for you.  First, students show up at church.  We split them into groups and give them an adult do drive them around.  Then we give them time limit and a small object, something like a penny or paperclip.   Then we tell them the goal is to be the group who brings back the biggest and best items by trading one item for the next.  Each year we score the event and determine a winner differently, to add a twist and a chance for any group to win.

Pretty simple.  Teenagers being driven around for an hour or so, collecting as much junk as they can haul back to the church.  I’m not sure why this event has gained the admiration of our students.  But for whatever reason it has.  It’s an event that is always a success and always something we look forward to in the Next Gen Ministry Department.

During our latest event I was thinking about how the real beauty of the event is that while the groups are driven to get something “Bigger and Better” until the time runs out – they typically bring back little of value.  Most people who are willing to trade find something in their house they haven’t had the chance or the heart to haul out, so this random group of teenagers becomes the perfect team for the task.

But it’s not about the stuff that they bring back.  It’s about the experience.  It’s about the memories.  It’s about all of the random things that happen, and the hilarity that ensues.  That’s what “Bigger and Better” is all about.

I think too often we forget the truth that it’s about the journey not the destination.  In this case the destination turned out to be some dusty recliners, a vase, a myriad of old TVs, and a Teletubbie.  While the groups thought they were getting something “Bigger and Better” the real value was in the experience.  It was through connecting with others, being vulnerable and risking what they had that they truly walked away better.  Sometimes we buy into the American Dream and push and pursue what we think is “Bigger and Better”, and in the process we miss what’s truly valuable.

Raising Boys to Date Girls in an #AshleyMadison World

The following post has been republished with permission from the author Jackie Harmon.  You can find this post from her as well as others on her blog here. 

Boys.

I have two.
One in high school and one in kindergarten.

Ever since my high schooler was a kindergartner, we've had literally hundreds of conversations about girls. More specifically, girlfriends. Alex and I had our first serious talk about girlfriends when he was four years old. He has always liked girls. He never thought they had cooties and he was never embarrassed to play with them at recess.

When Alex was younger, one of my biggest pet peeves was hearing grown adults ask him, "do you have a girlfriend?" Most people think it's cute when little boys say they have a girlfriend. Or five girlfriends. But it has always irritated me.

I never let him answer that question. I always answered for him and my answer was always the same… "Alex isn't allowed to have a girlfriend. Relationships are very, very serious and his goal right now is to learn to be friends with girls and to learn to show them respect. But, one day." Even though I was saying it to the adult, I was saying it for the benefit of Alex. I wanted him to hear me say repeatedly that relationships were super important and the way we treat girls mattered.

You see, I am not at all against Alex having a girlfriend. But I am against leaving really important decisions like relationships between boys and girls for Alex to figure out by himself. I am against allowing him to ever think that having more than one girlfriend at a time is cute. I am against allowing him to feel like his identity is somehow wrapped up in if he has a girlfriend or not.

In our home, we have very open conversations. We always have. And after working with teenagers for the last 20+ years, I am shocked at how few parents talk to their kids about relationships, dating, purity, sex and marriage. Middle schoolers who still have to be reminded to use soap in the shower are often left to navigate boy/girl relationships with very little guidance from their parents. Does that seem weird to anyone but me?

I don't think there's a magic dating age.
I think it's different for every young person.

For Alex, we've told him that there are a couple of things we are watching for...

#1  We want to see him to actively pursuing a relationship with Jesus before he actively pursues the heart of a young lady. God made him for a specific purpose and if he is not careful, he will start worrying more about what his girlfriend wants/needs for him to be and forget all about who God is molding him to be.

#2  We want him to understand that for this season, his goal is to learn to be a protector of girls' hearts. He is to stand up for girls, not allow other boys to talk rude or inappropriate to them or around them, make sure he is being thoughtful of girls' emotions, and learn how to be good friends with a girl he likes.

When Alex decides he is ready to turn a friendship into a relationship, he can only do that after meeting with the young lady's Dad and/or Mom. *I realize right about now you are thanking God we are not your parents. Ha!* Our goal is not to be mean, I promise. Our goal is for Alex to use his brain and not act on his emotions. God has placed people in authority over this young girl's life and it is not a hormonal 16 year old boy. It is person, or people, who will stand before God one day and answer for they way they raised her. Alex needs to have a conversation with those people. He needs to look them in the eyes, tell them his intentions and commit to partnering with them to protect their daughter. If she is not the one he will end up marrying, she should be better off having Alex in her life for that season.

I'm not raising a 16 year old boy.
I am raising a man who will one day be the spiritual leader of his family.

A future husband.
A future daddy.
A world-changer.

My goal is not to teach Alex how to date, my goal is that Alex has a clear picture of what marriage is suppose to be. Dating is important because marriage is hard…and it's forever.

As I look back over the last 16 years, I am amazed at how God has protected Alex's heart and mind because we were willing to speak truth and bring to light all the hard topics. Satan is not going to wait until you are ready and feel comfortable talking about sex. In fact, he wants to fool you into thinking that keeping your kids in the dark will protect them. Well, he is a liar! Having many, many age-appropriate conversations that speak truth without shame protect your children on a deep, Spiritual level. It is time!

Their school is talking about it.
Their friends are talking about it.
The world is talking about it.
And the Bible has a lot to say about it.

It's time for every Jesus-loving family to understand the importance of talking to their children about sex and healthy sexuality. To talk about purity and dating.

Even if you didn't do it right.
Even if you messed up.

The truth of God's word gives life and hope. God has a way of redeeming our past and our mistakes and turning it into something beautiful. You can trust Him!  

"I am the light of the world.

Whoever follows me will never live in darkness.

They will have the light that gives life."

{John 8:12}

The Unashamed Challenge

The apostle Paul said,   “For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes”

This idea has been the major idea that has shaped the beginning of the fall for our student ministry – especially the High School Ministry.

We believe students should live unashamed about what they believe and that when they share the truth about who Jesus is it has power to change everything.

We believe that students can change their school, students can change their community, students can change the world.

We also believe that they can’t do any of that without you.

You set the example for your son or daughter.  You are someone that students look up to.  You are the primary influencer.  And as such we believe that its time for us (the adults) to set the example.

The truth is we spend too much time … hiding what we believe.  We miss God given, divine opportunities because we are too worried about being “politically correct” or what others think of us.

Unfortunately we spend too much time being ashamed of the gospel.

The heartbreaking thing is that - Jesus wasn’t ashamed of us.  He was willing to give everything so that you and I could truly know God. 

It’s time for things to change …

While the world will tells us to keep our faith to ourselves; in light of the Gospel, the only reasonable thing is the unashamedly share the truth and life that we have experienced in Jesus.  We should never be ashamed to share our faith.

We believe so strongly in this that we put a challenge out to our students.  Here is the “Unashamed Challenge”

Challenge:  We want to challenge students to make a short video – about their faith.  It can be about how Jesus has changed you.  It can be about how you love God.  It can be about how much you want others to know God’s love.

Whatever you do – make it about your faith – and what God has been doing in your life.  Then post it on your social media platforms with the hashtags:   #2econdFamily #Unashamed

That was the challenge … but now we want to extend the invitation to you the parent / the step parent / the grandparent / the adult.

Will you take the challenge?  Will you let the world know that you are unashamed?

Make sure you use the hashtags:  #Unsahmed  #2econdFamily

Let’s make it go viral – let’s let the whole world know – let’s continue the work that Paul was doing.  Let’s be unashamed

Keep Moving Forward

Let’s be honest … from time to time (or maybe all the time) we all struggle with forward motion.  It’s a scientific fact that an object at rest stays at rest.  It takes so much more energy, focus and determination to move forward than it does to just stay where you are.

Another truth I've come to learn, be it scientific or not – is that if you are standing still then you are actually losing ground.  An ancient Chinese proverb says this:  Do not be afraid of going slowly, be afraid of standing still.

When you quit moving forward in any area of your life – your health, your training, your skills or your spiritual life; you begin to lose the progress that you had made over time.

As we begin a new school year we have one message or concept for our Student Ministry family.  It’s for students, parents and volunteers as well – and the message is this:  Keep moving forward.

We believe in and lean on four core values for our ministry.  We also believe that all of us are at some point of the spectrum with in these four areas.  Our challenge to start the year is for each of us to look at what God’s been doing in and around us and ask the question: How do I keep moving forward?

The first core value is:  Connect

We live in a world that has become very disconnected despite technology.  However, God creates us to experience life together!  We believe the most important and powerful connections happen when we’re face- to-face.

So are you connected somewhere?  Do you have meaningful and powerful friendships?  Do you feel like you belong?  If not – then God is calling you to connect.

Our second core value is:  Grow

There are so many ways that we grow.  Even the scriptures reference how Jesus grew in wisdom, stature and in favor with God and man. (Luke 2:52).   Growth is key to the life that has been given to us.  We believe that the journey of faith takes time, and that intentional strategic growth is important. 

So if you are connected, then the next question is: Are you growing?  Are you growing in a group?  

Are you growing on your own?  Can you look back 6 months or a year and see the change that God has been working in you?  If not – then God is calling you during this season to focus on your own spiritual growth.

Our third core value is:  Serve

Ask anyone to look around our world and most would agree it is a broken place.  But it is not a place without hope; it is full of those who are willing to give their time, talents and energy to help those in need.  We believe that a changed life is a life that serves.  And we know that it is one thing to speak of the glories of the Lord; it is another thing to BE the glories of the Lord.  That is why we think it’s crucial to use what God has given us as a blessing to others.

If you are growing, have you discovered how you are shaped?  Does your heart break for the things that break God’s heart?  Do you find yourself giving up your wants and desires to help others find and follow God?  If not – then God is calling you to find a place to pour back in, to find a place to get your hands dirty and help others in need.

Finally our fourth core value is:  Share

We believe that as we connect, grow and serve that naturally leads to the willingness and desire to share with others what God has done.  Can you imagine what God can do through your story?  He gave it to you for a reason and wants you to use it to help other people find Him.

Do you find it hard to keep the amazing news about Jesus quiet?  Do you look for opportunities to tell the story about your changed life?  When people look at your life do they see the radical love and grace that Jesus offers?  If not – God is calling you to begin to share more confidently and openly about who He is and what He’s done.

The bottom line for each of us is to keep moving forward, even if it’s just a little bit at a time.  So what’s God calling you into, where is he stretching you and pulling you forward?  What’s next for you?

Keep moving forward, keep trusting God.

And more than anything else …. Don’t stand still.

HOW TO HAVE AN AMAZING SUMMER

With only a few days of the school year left, every student is dreaming about Summer Break.  Why is summer so important for students?  Maybe it’s the relaxation, no school, or seemingly endless free time that makes summer feel so great. All of those things are major “pros” to Summer Break but I think one of the best things about the time off is it’s a great time for your child to grow.  

While your son or daughter may not be spending their time in a classroom it doesn't mean that they aren't growing. 

Let me share with you some of the great ways that your kids can learn and grow and have an amazing summer!

1)     Learn more naturally.

There is nothing wrong with the classroom, but the one thing that summer allows that the rest of the year doesn't is time to learn outside of the school environment.  We often don’t view other forms of learning as valuable as the time spent in class, but spending time with friends can help develop social skills.  Exploring a park or a forest can expand the imagination and ignite a passion for knowledge.  Summer allows for growth in students emotional skills and problem solving abilities.  It’s good for our brains to switch gears and learn in new ways – and Summer Break provides that opportunity.

2)    Live with low-to-no stress.

The older a child gets the more stress they begin to feel.  With the pressures to perform well in school and in sports they need a time to experience the world with low-to-no stress.  Summer provides a great time to take advantage of a time to be more relaxed and let students figure somethings out.  Unfortunately many parents view the Summer as time to get a head in sports or school and they miss an opportunity to relive stress and instead put more pressure on their child.  I encourage you to take advantage of the this built in time to “de-stress”.  You won’t believe the difference it could make for your child.

3)    Make lifelong memories.

Whether it’s spending time with members of the extended family or going on a trip with a group of friends, the summer provides the perfect avenue for students to do things that they will never forget.  I still remember my summers where we went on family vacations, went on youth group trips, and did crazy/messy/ridiculous things.  Don’t underestimate the power of a moment or a memory.  Use the summer as a way to encourage your child to do things they would never think about doing.

4)    Get refreshed.

Rest and relaxation are important for students.  As we mentioned earlier school is extremely stressful – homework, peer pressure, cliques and sports to name a few – are things that a child really needs to evaluate.  Maybe your child doesn't want to play the piano anymore.  Maybe they decide they need some new friends.  It’s hard for a child to transition away from activities or people that they feel they need to change – but providing space like Summer Break can allow them to evaluate where they want to go moving forward.  Giving them time to be refreshed is crucial.

We hope that Summer Break for your child is amazing.  We are hear providing some key opportunities to help them connect with people, make memories, continue to grow and in the meantime be refreshed.  We hope you are looking forward to summer as much as we are.  It’s going to be amazing!

Parenting and the "Art of Pruning"

A high school couple of three years breaks up days before prom.  He is devastated and seems completely lost without her.

A 6^th grader hangs his head, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone who might make him feel “less than” -  anyone who would call him by many other names.

She sneaks away when no one is looking, trying to purge her system to make sure that she won’t put on a pound.  It’s difficult to get into the popular crowd; she can’t imagine what it would be like to ever be left out again.

It’s painful to watch your children struggle.  It’s difficult to see them in pain.  It may be one of the biggest challenges as a parent – to help your child navigate hardship, trial and frustration.  I believe much of the struggle for parents comes because we don’t truly understand the purpose of hardship, trial and pain.

But if we truly want to navigate the difficult issues, then we must understand gardening.  Yes, that’s right gardening.  We must develop our horticultural skills, get our hands dirty and discover God’s green thumb.

Jesus often spoke in pictures, using rich imagery to communicate deeper truths.  In John 15 He reminds us that our relationship with God is much like a tree and it’s branches.  “I am the true vine (tree), and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will even be more fruitful … remain in Me, and I will remain in you.  No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.” 

I think Jesus has a lot to say in just a few verses here, that can help us as parents discover the “Art of Pruning” – and discover why God would allow our children to go through and experience difficult things.

1.       Hardship, Trials & Frustration are Good Things

Our perspective on pain and suffering is terribly skewed.  We automatically view pain and suffering, hardship and frustration, trial and temptation as bad things.  In reality they are good things.  They are things that God has given us for a reason.

They have a purpose.  Think about it, physical pain has a purpose.  If you cut yourself but didn’t feel pain you would never know that you needed medical attention.    The emotions we often associate with hurt and pain are purposeful too.  Without suffering how would we really experience joy.

Without knowing what can be lost how can we appreciate what we have?

James puts it this way, “Consider it joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its works so hat you may be mature and complete not lacking anything.”

God’s purpose for these difficult things is to help us become the people He creates us to be.  He wants us to be mature.  He wants us to be complete.  That won’t happen if we always have it easy.  So instead of growing wild – we are pruned.

As parents, we need to recognize this truth and press into it.  We need to help our children recognize that hard things are not bad things; that the most difficult times in their lives are the times that God is most active at shaping them into the person He has called them to be.

2.       You Can’t “Fix” Pruning

Look back to Jesus’ words in John 15.  Don’t miss this – everyone gets cut. EVERYONE.  This isn’t something you can avoid.  This isn’t something you can protect your kids from.  It’s going to happen, so don’t try to “fix” it.

As parents we want to protect our kids.  We want to keep pain and struggle as far away from them as possible.  I’m not saying just let your kids go crazy.  But what I am saying is don’t over-protect them.  Don’t soften the consequences of bad choices.  Don’t take the brunt of the load hardship.

Remember if these things are good for them, and everyone needs to be pruned, then your job as a parent is help them through that process, teach them what it looks like to follow God during difficult times, show them how to respond in the face of adversity.

Too often, we seek to shield or hide our children from the harsh realities of this world.  I think that largely that’s a mistake.  We all need pruned, so allow your children to go through this process with you before they have to navigate it on their own.

3.       You are not the Gardner

This may be the most important part of the pruning process, and it’s easy to overlook.  Jesus says that He is the vine or the tree, we are the branches and God is the gardener.  It’s God’s green thumb that knows the “Art of Pruning.”

We must trust that God knows what he is doing; that even when life seems harsh, unforgiving, and unfair – that God is not absent.  He’s not unaware of what’s going on, He is instead right there with us in the garden.  Just like it’s been from the beginning.  And He’s finding ways to use all of the trials and hardship to make us into better people.  People who look more like Him.

Don’t try to explain the reason for everything that’s happening to and with your kids – instead point them to God.  Encourage them to discover what the Master Gardner is up to.  Help them discover the “Art of Pruning” for themselves.