Parent Coach

by:  Devin Dummel

Every week for nearly the past seven years I have prayed the same prayer.  It’s a prayer I imagine I will pray every week of my life.  “Jesus, please don’t let me screw up my kids.”  It’s not eloquent but it is an honest prayer.  It’s one of the greatest fears of my life.  Because I am at times consumed by this idea, I spend extra energy each week, thinking about and strategizing how I try to parent.

I don’t know if you pray a similar prayer or have similar fears, but I don’t think I am alone in trying to navigate how to be a parent and raise children well.  I believe most parents spend considerable energy trying to figure out the best way to raise their children.  We’ve all seen many different styles and strategies, but the ones that stick out to us are often the extremes.  I think when we don’t know what to do we react in the extremes. 

We have all seen parents who are desperate to control their children, trying to manufacture the future of their dreams.  Their commanding ways are well-intentioned, but their children often feel oppressed, trapped, and overwhelmed with trying to meet the high demand.   The other extreme is no better; parents who don’t know what to do – so they don’t do anything.  These parents appear to be afraid or allergic to any amount of control, so they cower any time their child demonstrates a strong-will. 

These parenting extremes seem like completely different in every way, but what they have in common is tragic.  Neither strategy helps the child learn how to live the best possible life.  Both of these strategies miss the design that God intended for parents to have in helping their children navigate life.  Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way they should go; and when they are older they will not depart from it.” Built into God's design for parenting isn't a role for a commander, and there is no room for cowards.  But God's design calls for parents who are willing to be coaches.

Let’s be honest; being a parent is the hardest job in the world.  So it’s understandable that we often go to the extremes.  But God has given us the role of coach in the lives of our children.  Like a coach, we must demonstrate our love for our “players”.  We have to give them instruction and train them.  We have to get them ready for the game.

Then we have to let them play.  We have to let them stumble and fall.  We have to let them learn some hard lessons.   We even have to let them lose.  Then we have to gather around them again and remind them of their training.  We must correct them and give them all that they need to succeed.  This is the role of a parent – not to command, not to cower, but to coach.

When we understand this coaching role, we don’t have to be scared about “screwing them up”.  Instead, we can be confident that we have done our best to get them ready for life, and know that when they need additional instruction, when they are looking for a game plan, that one of the first places that will turn to will likely be you – their coach – because you have always been there to love, instruct, and correct them when they needed it most.