Raising Adults

By Devin Dummel

Is it just me or does it feel like you spend a large portion of your parenting telling your children what not to do?   "Don't kick the dog."  "Quit touching your brother."  "That word is inappropriate."  "No, you can' stay out past midnight."  "Don't drive more than 5 mph above the speed limit."  "If you say that one more time you are grounded."

Sometimes it feels like you aren't really a parent at all – in actuality you are something more like the behavior police.  It's an easy trap or cycle to get caught up in.  You don't really want to get stuck looking for every behavioral red-flag but you also want to make sure your child will be able to function like a normal human being.

But when we become too focused on changing our child's behavior we can miss the more important work of helping them grow into long-term maturity.  You see the goal isn't for us to raise well-behaved children.  The goal in being a parent is to raise mature adults.  And there is a big difference between the two. 

I think the secret can be found in how we discipline.  Take a look at this ancient proverb:

“My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.  Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.”  (Proverbs 3:12-14)

Notice in the proverb that discipline isn't done just for discipline's sake – no there is a connection between the discipline a father gives his child and that connection is to wisdom.

When we raise our children to become mature adults we are beginning with the end in mind.  That means that we aren’t simply the behavior police who are trying to create a perfectly behaved child, no we are parents who are trying to impart wisdom to our child as they grow toward maturity.

There are many parents who have made the mistake of parenting for the short term.  Many times their children are the one who once that have finally been given freedom go out and live reckless lives because they lack wisdom.  We can’t parent just for the short term – when what’s in the long term is at stake.

God has given us a great responsibility to parent, discipline and guide our children with long-term maturity in mind.  And that means that when we discipline and correct our children it is done from a place of love and out of a desire to inject wisdom into their lives.

So begin with the end in mind and set your child up for a lifetime of success, help them learn how to make a wise choice in every situation.

God Chose You

by  Devin Dummel

If your family is anything like ours then your summer was filled with adventure.  Without school to "get in the way" of things my boys spent their summer going non-stop.  To use the word busy, would be an understatement;  trips to the zoo, the children's museum, weekly pool parties and a few overnight stays at grandma and grandpa's consumed their free-time this summer.
That doesn't even include all the crafts, messy days, VBS and what we like to refer to as the "best four days of the year". 

It was a great summer but if I'm honest, we are exhausted.  Maybe it's our own fault for thinking of summer as a break from all the business but in an effort to make sure our kids had fun and made memories we managed to stay busier than the rest of the year.

I think this is one of the dangers that we as parents deal with in today’s context and culture: we often run the risk of becoming relationally and spiritually poor in the pursuit of becoming experientially rich.  We want to make sure our kids have all the things, get to see all the things, and get to be all the things so badly that we forget that some things are more important than others.

Sure we walk away with an awesome photo album that people might be envious of, but while we chased these experiences have we helped our kids learn how to live a better life or have we just confused them about what the better life really looks like?

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
If we take this wisdom and apply it to our lives it would suggest that right now as our children are young and are in their adolescence we have the ability to shape their future.  We can influence them and encourage them to pick a path for their lives moving forward. 

So I have to wonder if what we do now in the lives of our children matters so much, we have to ask ourselves the question, "Which path are we pointing them down?"  Are we pointing them down a path to the best life possible or are we pointing down a path that will always leave them chasing the next adventure to try and satisfy them?

The ancient scriptures are clear that parents are the greatest influence in the life of a child.  Even with all the other factors and influences, what you do as a parent matters more to the life of a child than anything else.  There are times when I know I have wished it wasn’t that way – times where I wished that someone else could pour in and shape my child’s future.  But the truth is God chose you to disciple and direct your child.  It is your greatest calling and your life’s greatest work.

As parents, if our influence is that great we must make sure that the path we are putting our children on is the path that leads to God and the path to the best life possible.  We must make sure that we are pouring into their relational and spiritual development and not just trying to be their personal vacation tour guide.  "Start a child in the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it".   You are their greatest influence - make sure you are helping them find their way so they will always know who and where they can turn.