Prime Times: The First 15

by Devin Dummel

We have an unspoken rule in our home, and it has to do with how we behave and interact once our day is done.  I refer to it as “The First 15 Rule” – and simply put we decide to be intentional about how we spend those first 15 minutes that we are together as a family.

Life is crazy and if your family is anything like ours then you have all kinds of activities, responsibilities and expectations pulling you in different directions.  On their own each of these things are great, but when you allow them all to play out at the same time, there is often little room left for quality time.

Psalm 90:12 is a prayer that says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”  The reality is our time on earth is short, and it’s easy to get distracted by good things and miss the best things.  That’s why we try to use our first 15 minutes together as a family wisely.

Our “First 15” are spent device free.  The television is off.  The phones are on silent.  Our focus isn’t on any outside distraction but totally on each other.  Our kids are pretty young right now, so our “First 15” start with the same types of questions:

• How was your day?
• Did you do anything fun or exciting?
• What did you learn today at school?
• Who did you play with?
• How was your heart?

My wife and I make it a point to ask our boys these types of questions each day.  We dig in and ask follow up questions to learn more about who they are spending time with, what kind of activates they are enjoying and overall how their behavior was while they were at school or the sitter’s.

After connecting with our children, we turn them loose to play with their toys.  But before we turn to other responsibilities – like dinner, laundry, etc.  – we turn our hearts to one another.

It’s easy to miss this moment if you are always running kids every direction.  You feel like you are always on a shot clock, just counting down the minutes left on each activity on your schedule.  While keeping your kids on schedule is important, perhaps the best thing you can do for your family is to make sure you take time for your marriage during those “First 15”.

Take time to make sure your spouse knows how much you care about them and about their heart as well.  Life isn’t just about the kids and their activities.  A healthy relationship between mom and dad is a solid foundation to raise a family on.  You must make time for each other, and it needs to be strategic. 

By taking time as soon as you get home to connect and communicate – you verify that what is most important is your spouse and your family.  Work can wait.  The game can wait.  Picking up and cleaning up can wait.  But what matters most are the bonds that are formed and affirmed each day when you come back together.

In the season of life you are in, you may feel like you don’t have a ton of time to pour into “date nights”.  It may not be cost efficient to fork our $100 or more for dinner and a movie.  But what you can do is make sure that you strategically number your days, by making the “First 15” minutes back together about building each other up and working together.