Things Every Child Should Hear: I am Proud of You

by Desi Ash

I have always had high expectations. As a kid, I was expected to be ladylike, tidy, have straight A’s, be a good athlete, and to always make the right decision. Looking back on these expectations, some of them are hard to achieve or next to impossible. I didn’t always get straight A’s, I loved having a messy room, and I know that I didn’t always make the right decision. These expectations set such high standards for me that when I didn’t accomplish them I was upset and felt like a failure, regardless of the situation.

When was the last time you thought to yourself, “man, I’m proud of …” Due to the high expectations I set for myself, I hardly ever feel proud. Expectations are good, but they can also have a negative effect.

Think for a moment the expectations you have for your kids. Do you expect them to behave in public, be the star athlete on the team, get good grades, do chores, and not grow up too fast? What happens when your kids don’t meet those expectations? Are they grounded, lectured, or have to spend hours getting better?

While there is nothing wrong with having high expectations or expecting the best from your kids, there is one important phrase that needs to accompany those expectations. That phrase is “I’m proud of you”.

There will be times when kids don’t meet the expectations we set for them. Regardless of their achievement, kids need to know that they make us proud.

·      If you’re working on potty training and for three days straight your kid goes without an accident, celebrate those three days, not the accident.

·      If your teenager has worked really hard to raise their math grade from a D to a B, celebrate when their grade is a C.

·      If your teenager is struggling with making the right decision and fitting in with friends, celebrate right decisions and their unique personality.

It can be easy to get caught up in the negative and the unmet expectations. It is in these moments that kids need to know that it’s okay.

There’s nothing wrong with being proud of your children for what they’ve achieved. But they need to know that you’ll still be proud of them, even if they don’t achieve anything impressive.

Being proud is a good thing that can quickly become a negative thing. This is probably why the Bible has a lot to say about being proud; mostly dealing with the negative side. Proverbs 16:18 says Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. James tells us that God opposes the proud (4:6). 

When we don’t share the phrase “I’m proud of you” with our kids, they will begin to question their self-worth, their confidence, and their individuality.

Some ways to help share with your kid how proud of them you are:

• ·        Be proud of the process, not the outcome
• ·        Be proud of the obstacles they had to overcome
• ·        Share your praise when something happens, not hours or days later
• ·        Focus on one kid at a time - avoid comparison
• Stay Positive