Trust Me; You are a Good Parent

I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve had to say the words, “Trust me; you are a good parent” to a mom or a dad who is really doubting themselves.  For one reason or another we are sitting across from each other and there is this moment when I can see it in their eyes.  Most times they don’t even have to say the words, their defeated expression says it all.

“I failed; I am a terrible parent”.

The truth is parenting isn’t easy for the best or most experienced mom or dad.  No matter what your starting point as a parent is - it’s challenging because each child is so different and because children’s needs constantly change.  And just because a child is struggling or has gotten into some trouble doesn’t mean that parents are at fault.

When you are starting to feel like you’re failing as a parent – see if you can check most of the following things off your list of parenting skills.  If you can – then trust me; you are a good parent.

Key Skills of a "Good" Parent

o   Consistency

If you are consistent in your reactions, your child will always recognize the boundaries. Make sure your children know the rules and what behavior you expect of them. Be fair and firm with discipline, but always act out of love. They should know the consequences of their actions.

o   Daily Care

Good parents provide nutritional meals for her children as well as a safe environment. Helping your children develop and practice good hygiene and other daily living activities is part of being a good parent. Set a regular bedtime so your children get sufficient rest. Take them to the doctor or dentist for preventative medical care and to help them heal when they are injured or sick.

o   Show Your Love

Don’t expect your child to just know that you love him. Show your feelings constantly by hugging, through positive touches and telling him and doing little things that make him happy. When he brings high grades and creative art projects home from school, love will show in your pride as you display them on the refrigerator or on your desk at work. Provide a positive environment, and reinforce good behavior.

o   Life Lessons

Children need to learn how to make the right choices. Stand behind your child, and offer to help with decisions, but gradually encourage her to make them on her own. Being a parent is a full-time job that requires repetition and constant reminders. Protect your children from dangerous Internet sites, and teach them the red flags to look out for. Enforce good table manners and other lessons that will help your children function in society.

o   Accountability

A strong parent teaches his children accountability. Children should take responsibility for their actions by letting you know where they are, owning up to mistakes, correcting these mistakes and accepting the consequences for their actions. House rules need to be clearly stated and reinforced. If your children see you following rules and being accountable, they are more likely to follow your lead.

o   Reinforcing Responsibility

Teach your child responsibility by giving her some within the family unit. She should participate in family chores. She needs to show up for family events and meals. Stress the importance of completing schoolwork and studying for tests. Teach your child the importance of helping others through volunteerism.

o   Reciprocal Respect

Your children should respect others at all times. They need to understand and respect the value of authority, and they should listen to teachers and others in charge. Everyone needs to respect other people’s opinions, rights and property. Set a good example, and exhibit your respect for your child in the same manner.

o   Lifelong Learning

Children will place a higher value on education if their parents do. Engage them with their school work. Read with your child, and teach important educational lessons whenever opportunities arise; this includes matter of physical, relational, emotional and spiritual development.

 Trust Me

What’s amazing to me is that when I say those words – those simple words.  “Trust me; you are a good parent”  - it’s almost as if I can see a weight lifted off of the other person.  I will often remind them that because they wrestle with how they are doing as a parent and because they are willing to be transparent about it – it indicates that they are indeed a good parent.

No one is the perfect parent.  We all know this fact.  But the truth is we need to embrace the truth that even when we aren’t “perfect” parents we are good parents.  We care deeply about our children and are willing to move heaven and earth for them.

Keep checking off the list and doing all the things that will remind you how great of a parent you are.  And remember you are not in this alone.  You have so many people around you who love and care about you and your family.  Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone who can look you in the eyes and say those crucial words, “Trust me; you are a good parent.”