Prime Times: Parent Time

by Whitney Jones

We will be wrapping up the Prime Times in a child’s life with Parent Time. Parent Time is the time you take to fill yourself back up so you can pour into your kids and family.

I am a pretty big fan of my husband. He’s awesome and I enjoy my one-on-one time with him. Recently we went on a date just the two of us and before dinner we walked hand in hand along the canal and just got to be us. 

The “us” that fell in love years ago. 

The “us” that used to be spontaneous. I mean I even almost got a tattoo that evening! Now that’s living life on the edge if you’re a parent! 

Now some of you might be thinking “Wow you are really boring!” but for us this one-on-one time is crucial for our marriage. We want to strive to be the best parents for our kids and for us that means putting our marriage before our kids and taking time for us. A healthy marriage occurs when we submit to God first and then to one another.

We always try to create opportunities where we don’t talk about our kids the whole evening and the upcoming week’s schedule but we talk about each other and our hopes and dreams. We get to laugh together and just be Ryan and Whitney. This helps us maintain a great friendship at the base of our relationship.

God didn’t create marriage to bring us down.  He told us that two are better than one in Genesis therefore, marriage is supposed to make us better.

Marriage is a gift! A gift that should enhance our lives, not suck the very life right out of us.

You see most days, we are up early getting kids ready for the day. Then out the door for work all day to rush home to eat dinner together. Then we kiss each other goodbye because one of us has to run one child to practice while the other parent has to go to a meeting. Every night is full of activities we love but pull us away from each other. Days are busy when you have a family. Weeks are busy. Months are busy.

I encourage you to take time each and every night to talk to each other…not about business, but about your day, your lives, and your dreams.  Then, I urge you to pray together before you go to bed each night.  You will be amazed at the life that God will infuse into your marriage.

 Now some of you might be in a season where you don’t have a spouse to spend one-on-one time with. You can still make sure you are filling your cup up by taking time for yourself. Maybe for you it’s going to your local coffee shop to read a book of your choice. Or maybe you need some gym time with a friend to relieve stress. 

Maybe attending a Bible study is what you need to recharge you spiritually. Whatever it is you decide, make sure it’s for you to recharge so you to be the best parent you can be.

"So many people were coming and going Jesus said to them `Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.'"  Mark 6:31 (NIV)

To love others you have to keep your emotional tank full because when it gets low, it's going to make a difference in your relationships. Doing God’s work is important, but Jesus recognizes that to do God’s work effectively we need periodic rest and renewal.

In order to be the best parents we can be, we have to make sure that we make time for ourselves, even if it’s just an hour or two. We are our kids role models, the ones they look up to each day for guidance and advice. If we are exhausted, cranky and beaten down, then what are we teaching our children?

I hope you will take time for you, whether it’s one-on-one time with your spouse or time just by yourself. I hope it’s a time that you are able to recharge yourself and remember who you are so you can be the best parent to your kids. 

Prime Times: Bed Time

By Leah Dummel

My mom tells stories about how when my brother and I were little and she was working full time, along with my dad, trying to raise a family, that she would fall asleep during bedtime books. She would get my brother and I all scrubbed up and teeth brushed and fresh pajamas on and nestled into bed and begin our bedtime stories. She says she would wake up in our beds with my brother and I pleading, “wake up mommy, and please finish the story”!

Parents, RAISE YOUR HAND if you’ve been there!!!!! I know I have! Bedtime can be so absolutely draining. You’ve successfully spent a day working (outside or inside the home), fed your family, kept them all alive, done all the homework and nighttime chores, fed them, bathed them, and tucked them sweetly into their beds.  Mission accomplished – right?

I think sometimes as parents we just want it to end there. If we are all honest sometimes we are a little too eager for the bedtime routine to be over because it means we are FREE! I can remember being very pregnant with our second child and trying to navigate our oldest son’s bedtime. He was around 2 years old and needed all the things…every night.

He wanted all the stories and all the kisses and all the songs and all the snuggles. It would sometimes take hours. I have very vivid memories of waking up to my husband trying to pick me up off of the floor beside the bed where I had fallen asleep while completing bedtime.

It can be a lot.

It can be easy to rush through and miss out on.

But if we are able to push through the exhaustion just a little bit longer, there is so much Jesus to be shared and experienced during bedtime!

Our bedtime routine with our boys is pretty simple and probably pretty generic. Baths, brushing teeth, fresh pajamas, bedtime book, prayers, songs, and snuggles. While all those things in themselves are wonderful, I have been finding that it’s in those in-between moments where the true beauty lies.

We talk about our days. We sneak in extra kisses. We giggle (a lot) at daddy and his antics. We talk about hard things, and how to work through them. The kids ask big questions. They ask to pray…over and over and over. Sometimes we giggle through their prayers because they are so silly (example: “dear God, happy thank you for my toys”) but sometimes we shed tears during their prayers because they are so genuine (example: “dear God, thank you for my family and my brother and for Jesus and I love them all so much”).

Something about the bedtime routine seems to open and soften children’s hearts. You are there with them, and they there with you, totally concentrated on one another without distraction.

Even older children tend to be more vulnerable with their parents at bedtime. A friend of mine says that even though her relationship with her high school aged son has changed with him growing up, that he still asks her to come tuck him in at night. I read somewhere that when you are trying to create a peaceful home, something to remember is “let them remember joy and let them anticipate joy”. This reminds us that when our children are falling gently into the slumbers of sleep that they go with thoughts of joy and love and safety that surrounds them in their home.

You know, my husband and I joke about how I am a very “deep feeler”. He says that I carry around the “weight of empathy”. Sometimes this is a gift and sometimes it’s a curse. Something I feel very deeply and very strongly about it tangibly loving our children like Jesus loves us; and that in doing so when they’re young, will make a huge impact on the way they view God and His love for them when they are older.

So when I think about these “Prime Times” we have been talking about I keep coming back to 2nd Corinthians 4:18 … “for the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”

So while the bedtime tantrums and the asking for another drink of water 100 times and the silly little prayers and the “5 more minutes of snuggles please” oftentimes feel daunting and we just want to be finished parenting for the day and collapse in sweet freedom into our couch, these moments will soon be gone. They will be over before we can even imagine. Just one blink and they will begin to need us less and less.

But he way we react to these moments, the way we don’t rush them through snuggles and prayers, the eye contact we make when they are breaking down their day for us, the authentic answers we give to their hard bedtime questions about life (because they hardest questions always come out right before bed don’t they?), the patience we practice and the grace we give them…the things we can’t see or notice or even realize we are doing, THOSE are the things that will last forever in the hearts of our children. And those are the things we lose sleep over and pray continuously will lead them straight toward the heart of Jesus as they grow up. 

Prime Times: Hang Time

by Desi Ash

I recently watched the movie “I am Sam” again on Netflix. This movie is about a single father, Sam, who has the mental capacity of a seven year old and his daughter Lucy. The movie does a great job of making the viewer fall in love with this father daughter relationship. I feel this movie shows us the importance of families hanging out together.  In a heart breaking scene Lucy, age seven, is reading her assigned reading book and decides to stumble over a word she knows. Sam and Lucy end up arguing over the word and Lucy eventually tells her dad “I don’t wanna read it if you can’t.” Sam responds saying “No, because it makes me happy! It makes me happy hearing you read.” Throughout the movie we see that Sam truly loves his daughter and question if love is all that is needed to raise kids.

Many times throughout the movie it is when Sam and Lucy are just hanging out that Lucy will ask Sam some deep questions, and the same is true for kids today. It is while we are hanging out that kids feel open to be themselves and ask deep questions.

As we have shared many times, there are only so many weeks left until your kid graduates and becomes an adult. The time you get to spend will them is more valuable than anything because you will never be able to get those moments back.

Jesus is a great example of hanging out with others. He hung out with Zacchaeus over dinner. He spent one on one time with the disciples. He loved spending time with children. 

Philippians 2:1-4 from The Message says:

If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

Hanging out with your kids is easy when they are younger. Simply running around the house playing tag or pretend or reading books together is hanging out. As kids get older it can be harder to hang out with your kids. Keep trying; find the special hook that is important to your kids. If you kid is really into the NBA than ask what is going on in the NBA, even if you don’t have any interest or care, the fact that you are asking will mean a lot to your kid and will open the door to get them talking.

The movie “I am Sam” reminds viewers that there is something special about the time we get to hang out with our parents, because when it is gone, no one can replace it. Our kids might not always ask for us to hang out with them, but remember it is important for all kids to have time to hang out with their parents. 

Prime Times: Dinner Time

by Whitney Jones

Another “prime time” you can incorporate into your weekly routine is Dinner Time.

One of the things I remember vividly about growing up was eating dinner together every single night. We all had busy schedules but the one thing my mom made sure of was that we all ate together. 

We had the smallest kitchen and kitchen table but she always made the effort to squish us altogether under one table and eat together. Some nights she would make a full course meal other nights she would make breakfast for dinner and then there were some nights we all ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Dinner time wasn’t fancy and elaborate but it was always there and always with each other.

Now that I have a family of my own, I make a point to make dinner every single night so we all can sit around the table together at the same time. During this time, we pray with each other, eat good food together and share about our day. It is one of my favorite times of the day because we all are present and we all are unplugged from technology, school, or work and we all get to just be together. The conversations aren’t always flowing but we know it’s a safe place to be and share. My oldest opens up the most when we are eating dinner together (and it’s not always easy to get a 13 year old to talk!).

Some evenings are harder than others for us all to be present whether the kids have sports activities or work or life getting in the way but for the most part our family tries to leverage the time we spend around the table by intentionally being with each other. In Hebrews 10:25 it says, “And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.” As a family you should always be gathering together to share your faith and love for each other to strengthen one another.

Most families in this day and age don’t farm together, play musical instruments or stitch quilts on the porch. So dinner is the most reliable way for families to connect and find out what’s going on with each other. 

In a survey, American teens were asked when they were most likely to talk with their parents: dinner was their top answer. Kids who eat dinner with their parents experience less stress and have a better relationship with them. This daily mealtime connection is crucial during these teen years.

There is nothing better for a person than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized that these pleasures are from the hand of God. For who can eat or enjoy anything apart from him? (Ecclesiastes 2:24-25 NLT)

Solomon is encouraging us to take pleasure in what we’re doing now and enjoy life because it comes from God’s hand. True enjoyment in life comes only as we follow God’s guidelines for living. Without him, satisfaction is a lost search. Those who really know how to enjoy life are the ones who take life each day as a gift from God, thanking him for it and serving him in it.

So as you eat dinner each day with your family, take the time to live in that small moment. Whether you are sitting at the kitchen table or outside on a picnic blanket, enjoy those moments with your family. You only get these moments once and time is a limited resource and you don’t want to miss it.